Love Me or Leave Me- Grey's Anatomy AU- Book 4

Chapter Ten

"At the end of the day, the experience of practicing medicine bears little resemblance to the dream. We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do something good. We go into medicine for the rush...for the high...for the ride. But, what we remember at the end of most days is the losses. What we lay awake at light replaying is the pain we caused. The ills we couldn't cure. The lives we ruined or failed to save. At the end of the day, the reality is like we hope. The reality is, at the end of the day, more often than not, turned inside out and upside down. And then, somehow, improbably and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again" 

"'cause i'm slipping away by the second. so aren't you gonna save me, too?"

Meredith, Lucy and Cristina danced.

Alex and Lucy were in her bedroom kissing when she pulled away. "How can you be okay after a day like this?" she asked.

"You did a good job today", Lucy told Lexie. "It wasn't easy but you were brave".

Tears fell from Holly's face as George pulled her in for a hug.

Earlier that day, Richard was overseeing the damage in the ambulance bay. Holly was cutting open Ray's shirt.

Richard was holding the portable ultrasound screen while Holly tried to give him a clear view of the heart. "Can you close Stan's eyes?" Ray asked. Holly did so and teared up. "I'm sorry", she sniffled. Richard got the right frame. "The pericardium is full of blood", he confirmed. "I need a pericardiocentesis kit and someone from cardio".

Lucy came into Nick's room to see Lexie struggling with his wound. "Keep applying pressure", she said. "We can't get Nick to the OR, there's no OR available". "Tyler, go get more blood", Lexie ordered.

"I'll go get Sloan. Lexie?"

"Yeah?"

"You can do this"

Richard was informing Erica of the situation. "Dr Kepner has to do the pericardiocentesis", Richard said. "You've gotta be careful, or you could cause a cardiac rupture or...", Erica said, continuing with five other ways she could possibly kill Ray. "Ray, don't listen to them. Dr Hahn, shut up!" Holly yelled, breathing heavily.

"I never thought I'd die like this", Nick said. "You're not dying", Lexie and Lucy said in unison.

"I don't feel so good"

He started to bleed again. Lucy checked him. "He's had a stroke", she said. "We have to move now, but carefully. Lexie started to cry. "You can't cry, because it's not over yet", Lucy said.

Holly found the right spot and Richard gave her the needle. Richard walked her through it. Ray looked worried. "This is gonna make you better", Holly reassured. "Tell Sara I'm sorry about Stan", he said.

"Tell her yourself"

"Wait, please. I'm trying not to be scared, I don't want to die scared"

"It's okay to be scared, it means you've got something to lose. I'm scared too"

"That's good. I'm ready"

Holly began the procedure.

Lucy entered Dr Hahn's OR where Mark was. "Nick's artery blew again and he appears to be having a left-sided CVA", she said. Nick and Lexie were waiting behind her in the hallway. "I'm nowhere near done", Erica said. "Get Nick to a sterile procedure room", Mark said. "I'm finished so I can help with Nick", Callie said.

"Help set up the procedure room"

They all left to do so.

Holly had put the needle too deep and needed to adjust her angle. She eventually did it right and the syringe filled up with blood. Now that Ray was stabilized, the firemen could get ready to cut him out. Holly climbed out of the wreckage. The fireman started freeing Ray. "You've cut yourself", Richard pointed out to Holly. "But you stayed calm, focused and efficient. It's impressive". "I was scared", she said hoarsely.

"But you did it anyway"

Holly walked past Sara who recognized her. "How's Ray?" she asked. "Ray is in surgery", Holly replied.

"I have to get out of here, can you tell Ray that I'm sorry that I can't stay?"

"Ray told me to tell you he's sorry he couldn't save Stan, just in case he doesn't make it"

"I hope he makes it, but I can't stay here when I know my dead husband is here somewhere"

"If Ray wakes up, he has no one, and you'll go home and you'll have no one. I think it's better to have someone, even though it's the most painful thing you've ever done"

Holly and Sara entered Ray's room. "He looks bad", Sara said. "His heart and lungs were compromised, but he's young so we hope he might just be fine", Richard said. Sara walked up to Ray, who woke up. "I'm here", she told him. Holly softly smiled at the two.

Alex and Lucy were in her bedroom kissing before she pulled away. "How can you be okay after a day like this?" she asked. He leaned in again and she pulled away. "Stop! What is with you? Why won't you talk to me?" she said.

"Me? You've been acting weird since I can't even remember, and you think I'm the problem. You won't talk to me, so I'm not talk to you"

"If you're gonna be like this, every time I don't want to talk to you then what are we even doing?"

"You tell me"

"Go fuck yourself"

She stormed out and he fell on the bed and sighed.

Lucy went back to the hospital and entered the procedure where Lexie sat next to Nick's body. "You did a good job", Lucy said. "It wasn't easy, but you were brave". "We killed him", Lexie said. "The hospital, Sloan. We killed him, because we weren't prepared".

"That happens sometimes"

"Have you any idea how backwards that is?"

"We help more than we hurt"

"I have no one"

Lucy entered Meredith's house where Meredith and Cristina sat on the couch. "I brought booze", she said before gesturing at someone to follow her. Lexie walked into the living room. "She has no one", Lucy said when she saw the look on Meredith and Cristina's faces. Lexie was holding limes for the tequila. Lexie smiled. "Mer, talk", Lucy said. "I'm drinking", Meredith said. "Lexie, are you drinking?" "A drink would be good", Lexie said. Meredith smiled.

Holly entered Meredith's house and went up the stairs. She knocked on George's door and entered the room. "Hey, what are you doing here?" he asked. "I don't know", she said, as she started to cry.

"Okay"

"I have my first ultrasound. I've been trying to find the courage to give it to you for weeks. It's just reminds me of everything I've lost, everything we lost together"

"It's beautiful"

"Yeah, it is. I don't want to be confused about us anymore. We're having a baby. We need to work together because I can't do this alone. But I can't be your wife right now. I guess we have to be friends"

"That's okay, whatever you need"

"I wish you weren't so nice to me, it makes it so much harder to hate you"

"I've never stopped being sorry"

"I know"

A tear slid down her cheek and George pulled her into a hug.

Meredith, Lucy, Cristina and Lexie danced it out in the living room. Holly and George appeared in the doorway. "It's a dance party", Lucy said. "Do you want to dance?" Holly asked, offering him her hand. He took it and they joined in on the dance party. 

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