Silent Heart

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19: Comfort

"Celestine!" Napaatras ako nang akmang yayakapin ako ni Camile. Iniwas ko rin ang katawan ko nang hahawakan niya ako. Nangunot ang noo niya sa galaw ko. "What happened to you?"

Napailing lang ako bago ako umupo sa may sofa at nanood ng TV.

"She doesn't want to be touch by others. Hindi na rin namin siya makausap nang matino dahil lagi na lang siyang nakatulala." Rinig kong pagbibigay impormasyon ni Lara kay Camile.

"What did Jaime do to Celestine?!" May halong galit sa boses ni Camile kaya napatingin ako sa kaniya.

She raped me. I want that to answer but, no. Ayokong magalit si Camile kay Jaime. Ayokong tuluyang mawala sa akin si Jaime. I can be silent, as much as, I can already fix myself. I can lie, as long as, they don't touch Jaime and don't cause damage to her. I can endure this pain, as much as, Jaime is safe because of my lies.

I am indeed into her.

"Kahit si Jaime ay hindi namin makausap. Wala rin siyang nasabi sa amin kung anong nagawa niya kay Celestine." Sagot ni Lara kay Camile.

Napausog ako sa may gilid nang binalak nilang tumabi sa akin. Napayuko na lang ako dahil sa nakikita kong awa sa mga mata nila, lalong-lalo na sa katapid ko.

Alam kong dapat siya ang unang makaalam sa akin pero, natatakot na ako. Camile could do more than I expected. I don't want her to touch Jaime.

Ghad! Hanggang ngayon, si Jaime pa rin nasa isip ko. She caused me trauma and here I am being the pathetic girl who is still loving her and worried about her damn existence. I leave her with too much pain to handle.

"Stop!" I blurted out as I thought Camile would touch me again. I look down and stay silent.

This is what I got after Jaime did something to me. I don't want to be touch by others nor being close to them. I hate it now. That horrible scene is constantly on my mind and I couldn't even forget that. She left me with a bruise on my left thigh and a wound in my heart that indicated that she... she did those.

"Celestine, I have the right to know what you are hiding from me." Camile uttered worriedly.

"She did... nothing," I just whispered the last word. As I answered that, the scene immediately run in my mind again.

"How could I even believe you, when your tears says it all?"

"It is... j-just a misunderstanding. Excuse me." Mabilis kong sabi bago ako tumayo ay patakbong dumiretso sa kwarto ko.

I locked myself again. The scene kept on haunting me while my tears kept on falling, too. It hurts so much. It hurts so much that I just wanted to vanish. Who would think, that the person I loved the most would do such thing to me?

I love her but, I don't trust her again the way I entrust my heart to her before.

"Celestine... I'm here to lend a shoulder to cry on. Hindi na kita pipilitin na sagutin ang tanong ko." Camile stopped. "But, if you're ready to tell me everything, I'm all ears."

Pagkatapos sabihin ni Camile 'yon, mas lalo akong napaluha. I can't contain my own feelings. I can't control it. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko. I used to be brave before, and now, I just wanted to hide because of fear. I am in an emotionally fragile state.

I closed my eyes, as I felt drowning in my own tears. Without even trying, I fell asleep. I woke up, when I saw her in my dreams doing the same horrible thing she did to me. I woke up with tears loomed in my eyes again.

"Celestine, kain ka muna." I heard Drei's voice outside the room. "Hindi pupwedeng hindi ka na naman kumain ngayon. You need to pay attention on yourself, too."