Suns and Shadows

The Secrets We Hide

My sister is always finding new ways to nearly kill herself. 

Saiya sits by me, her pale and cold fingers intertwined with my own. We're sitting in one of the two rooms in our apartment. She shakes underneath the sheet wrapped around her. Saiya is scared of herself, of what she can't control. 

I want to shake, throw this responsibility to someone else, but I am all that Saiya has right now. Mother is working, she usually is, I mostly see her on the first day of every week when all the workers have the day off. Then she is the one who calms my sister.

Because Saiya is not like me.

She is not like the rest of our people, the Shadows. She can't control the Dark.

The Dark is our people's power, our defense. It is our power to control it like how the Suns control the Light. I always thought of it like water. Shadows can shape it and change it depending on what they need to use it for. 

It is why the Suns fear us.

And why Saiya sits on our bed, dying. 

I take my finger and run it smoothly down her hair. I see the hate in her eyes. It should be for the world, but it is for herself. She blames herself for her disability. Why I'm sure the Suns would kill her if they could. 

Suddenly, she's flailing arms and limbs and screaming. I put my hand over her mouth to get her to stop. That's when the worst part of her sickness comes.

Every Shadow has the Dark inside of them. If you take a little bit out of you, you can use it as a weapon.  But Saiya has no control over when the Dark inside of her chooses to become a weapon. The bolts whizz past my face. If they hit you, the damage is like a knife, splitting your skin open, making you bleed. Enough hits kill you.

But I am stronger than Saiya.

I lift my arms up and tell the Dark to stop. I feel the shift. I feel that I control the Dark now. I mold it into the ground, letting it disappear with a puff.  It's an easy thing for me to do, but out of the corner of my eye, I see Saiya's chest rise and fall faster. She thinks she's harming me. 

Her face finally breaks into a sob. Terror is clearly written on every aspect of her face. She's scared of herself. Of how she isn't a normal Shadow. It tears her apart, knowing that she could hurt any one of us. 

I squeeze her hand, a small gesture of encouragement showing that I am alright. "I'm fine," I whisper. "You didn't do anything. You're just..." Born this way. She lets out another sob and I curse myself silently.

Her disability, her weakness. It's ruining her. It's ruining me because I can't do anything about it. Not one. The most I can do is hide her here, away from the Suns. I know they'd kill her if they found out. Because they're evil. All of them.

They are the monsters who control the Light. They are the opposites of Shadows, of me. They're our oppressors as long as we live here in Rook. Where they rule. Where we are forced into poverty. They are the ones who locked the key to the cage.

I hate them.

I hate them, I hate them, I hate them.

Saiya then interrupts my thoughts. "Oh Ebony, I'm sorry." Her eyes are wide as I feel her body begin to shake again. One wrong word from me and she'll start to thrash again, draining her mental energy. 

If it gets too low she may never stop. 

She may die.

And the thought splinters my heart into tiny pieces, each one wishing I could make it all go away. Wishing I could be the hero she thinks I am. I feel her trembling become more intense. "Breathe," I command.

She does. Slow deep breaths. I can almost feel the Dark retreating. The more calm, the fewer accidents. Saiya glances at me and I smile at her. It's easy to smile at Saiya when she looks at you. She has that childlike aura to her and it helps that she's pretty. She's going to be beautiful when she's older.

But that's not mentioning her eyes.

They're bright blue, so bright I'm sure that they glow. The outer rim is dark blue but it fades to a pale blue near her pupil. I have light brown eyes like my mother. They're boring and plain. I think Saiya was lucky and got interesting eyes from our father.

I don't know who he is and I don't need to find out. I live in Rook. I'm lucky to have one parent.

Saiya's head finds my shoulder, her breath warming my neck. "Could you tell me a story? With a happy ending." She says and for the first time tonight, she sounds like a child. She sounds eager and excited. She sounds innocent.

But innocence is also obliviousness.

My lips form a smile. I like storytelling. It's so mundane and I like that feeling. No responsibility. It's something a Sun girl might do, while she flounces in her castle, surrounded by servants who we should call slaves. Not while we Shadows sit here and rot. 

My voice starts and I immediately organize a plot in my head. I glance down at Saiya while I talk. Her chestnut curls are sprawled across the bed, eyes gently closed and her frail body curled up on the side of the bed that faces the wall.

My chest has a rush of feelings. I know she deserves more. Not the two-roomed apartment we're in with its boarded-up windows and bare floors that you have to look at as you walk to avoid stepping on nails.

Everything could be so different if we weren't in a land ruled by the Suns. If we returned to the home of our ancestors, the Shadowlands. As far as my knowledge, the Shadowlands was the only place that the Suns didn't invade when they took everything from us.

Saiya could get help.

I could get freedom.

My mother could get a real job.

But the Suns are the masters and we are the prisoners. No Shadow leaves Rook, we aren't allowed to. We aren't allowed to be free, not without identity papers. Then they will discover Saiya's disability. 

And I won't ever let them take her away from me.