Suns and Shadows

What Simmers Below

I won't stop shivering. It may be summer in Rook, but here it is winter, cold, brutal, and hard. I feel the chain wrapped around my ankle. It chafes the skin around it, turning my flesh a deep and angry red. My eyes burn with tears.

I may not want Saiya to die, but I don't want to either. Mother says I'm stubborn. Maybe she's right, I still haven't accepted I'll die here. They'll either leave me until I die or just kill me. I don't want either one.

I'm still thinking of them. I think of Mother's acceptance of my plan. She didn't do anything to stop me. For the better. The blue liquid they injected in me must have been a sedative. The mark where they hit me is still there in an ugly purple bruise.

Saiya's face haunts me most. She looked so broken, so hollow inside. Empty. Drained. Like a ghost. I will cherish what she looks like. I commit to memory everything about her. The waviness of her silky brown hair to the bright blue eyes. I've never seen eyes like hers.

Our father has them out there. Now that I am alone with nothing to do but think, my mind does start to wonder about him. Is he dead? Did he make Mother happy? Where is he now? Why did he leave?

Would he have loved me?

Father, whoever he may be, would have loved Saiya. Everyone loves Saiya. Sometimes I'm angry about that. I don't think anyone likes me as much as her. I think of Mother's acceptance of my choice again. She loves me, but not as much as she loves Saiya. I will always come second.

Father might've loved me more. Understood me. Taken the weights that I carry on my shoulders off. Even though he's gone and probably left us, I don't feel angry about that. Instead, what I feel is sudden want. A hollow want, like a piece of me that's been missing for a long time.

I close my eyes and lie on the stone that is built into the prison wall. I assume it's supposed to be a bed. The stone is much harder than my bed at home. Every minute I spend here I want home. I want the feel to it. The little bubble that says, You're home, you're safe. Here all I feel is cold and empty.

I miss the crackling fireplace that Mother would never let me light. Or the one window we had that wasn't boarded up. If you looked outside, you could see the stars. Each of them, twinkling against a black backdrop. It's like a painting.

I even miss the Market at this point. The colorful array of ribbons. The way the Councillors could move on those things they call screens, always reminding us to follow the law and obey the Lawkeepers.

On second thought, I don't miss the market very much.

But I do miss Karpov. I've only known him for three months now, but he was the closest thing to a friend I've had. He gave us Saiya's medicine for free, even when it was costly. He defied the law and set up a shop even if every Sun wished that he would go. He beat the odds.

I glance at the bruise on my arm again. I think the bruise is bigger now. Maybe I was wrong, maybe it isn't a sedative like I thought. Maybe it was meant to kill me and has given me a few hours to reflect on my life. I hope Mother will get my body if I die. I want to be buried near flowers.

I remind myself I'm not dead yet. Pain spikes up my arm and I groan, pinching myself to relieve the pain. It works for a moment and then the pain starts up again. A sword stabs at my arm, but there isn't really a sword there. It just feels like there is.

That's when I hear a bang. It's a clash of metal upon metal. I sit up, the pain intensifying as I do. Now I must be hallucinating. What I see can't be real. 

Two figures stand outside my doorway. One has fiery red hair, like strawberries, it goes down to her waist. The other figure is no. No, no, no. I am certain that I am hallucinating. He can't be here there's no way.

The other figure is Karpov.

And in his hand is a long golden key. He slips it inside the lock and I jump up to see if I can step outside if I'm not dying and this is real. But I can't. The pain in my arm intensifies, burning my flesh, my bone, my blood. I let out a scream and a haze of voices drift over me.

"It was just a sedative, I'm sure of it Zillah," Karpov says. I can hear him, barely. His voice is so soft and whispery next to the waves that crash around my head. "I know these things. You don't think it's because-"

The girl with strawberry hair shakes her head. She must be twenty. "I think that's exactly what's going on. It's like the girl's sister. It's just genetics. We need to get her to Josh." Then her voice drowns out slowly.

I see no more.