Suns and Shadows

One Wrong Move

Saiya had fallen asleep by the time I had finished telling her the story.

I smile now at her little sleeping face before getting up and leaving the room. I turn around to see a figure that stands in the doorway, I figure who isn't supposed to be home until later tonight.

It looks like my mother has come home early.

And she knows that Saiya had another incident.

I wince. "Mother..." I don't know what else to say and my voice stops. My mother's sharp hazel eyes look at me, burning right through my boundaries. She's searching my face to see any hint of emotion that Saiya is worse, or is never waking up.

"The tonic you bought didn't work." She says. Her voice is flat and hollow. The sentence is a declaration. Not a question. No glimmer of hope.

So I don't answer her as silence clouds the room.

Eventually, my mouth opens as I try to find some sort of comforting words. Mother needs it. Her eyes are surrounded by dark rims, so dark they look like bruises. She's pale, paler than usual. She looks like she's starving as her dress hangs loosely from her body. Her chestnut hair is knotted, something she would usually never let happen. She's been beaten down.

"I'll find something," I say, my voice is heavy. "I promise I'll find some sort of cure. Even if I have to die to get it." And I mean it. 

Mother just puts her head in her hands. Her tears are silent, but they are there. I see them run down like streams from her face. "This is all my fault." She whispers the words so soft, I'm not quite sure I heard them. Mother tries to take a breath, but a cry escapes her instead.

I wrap one of my arms around her. "It's not your fault that this happens."

If anything, it's mine. But I don't say that out loud. Then it would be real and I don't want it to be real. I don't want it to be my fault. I don't want to speak the unspoken question. If Saiya dies, whose fault is it? Is it mine? Did I not try hard enough to find some sort of cure?

If only we didn't live in Rook. Where the Suns rule us and we have no choice. If we lived in the Shadowlands, Saiya could get help. She wouldn't be wanted because she's different. There would be Suns to stop us. None to oppress us. 

It isn't my fault if Saiya dies.

It's theirs.

                                                                           ****

I wake up next to Saiya. She smells like flowers and I notice a lily she must have put in her hair. I push myself out of bed and then let out a deep groan. Today is the First Day. It is the beginning of every week and Mother has the entire day off. We use it to go to the Rook marketplace.

I hate going there.

But I force myself to disturb Saiya's sleep and get her up to get dressed.  I then go to Mother and do the same. You have to be early at the marketplace if you want any meat or fresh produce. Most of the food is rotting, but sometimes we are grateful for the fruit that rots. There isn't a lot to go around.

We step outside of our house and the sun starts to beat on our backs, even though it's early. I can't imagine the stench and sweat of the market today. 

I start to see the crowds that gather in the main block of Rook. Rook is considered a nice city once you're out of the slums where all the Shadows live. There are towering structures that go beyond the clouds. I've always wanted to go up there.

On some of these buildings, some faces move. The Suns call them screens. They usually show the Councillor's faces. The Suns who rule Rook and all of Lano. You can see in their eyes that they are heartless.