Goodbye lullaby

Chapter 8

Jennie

It's monday.. the first day of the week. You are lucky if you are still in bed at 8am. I can see busy streets and a horde of people running and walking around. But that wasn't just the case for this day. Cause this day.. would be unforgettable. This day would be imprinted on each and everyone's mind. This day would be written in history. You know why?

"Seulgi and Irene from Red Velvet are dating."

"Pictures of them kissing invaded the internet."

"It may be photoshopped."

"It's another one of their promotional tactics, I'm sure."

"I don't mind if they're really dating. They looked hot together."

"It's disgusting!"

"They should potray a better role for the younger ones! Not like this!"

"They're sick!"

"Kick them out of their group!"

That darkness once again consume me making me numb. Looking at my friends situation made me realize that Lisa and I could be in their shoes if she didn't stop me, if my manager didn't wake me up on the painful reality.. the society will never accept us.. the people would hate us and I don't want to put Lisa in that situation not in a million years. I would rather take the fall.

"I seduce her, she wasn't into me.. I'm gay. If I offended anyone I apologize. I decided to leave red velvet and terminate my contract as an Idol. I don't want to taint my group members reputation. Please stop criticizing them and blame it all to me. To all of my supporters, friends and family.. sorry I failed and disappoint you. I just simply can't stop who I am. I just simply can't pretend to be someone that I'm not. I'm tired of running and trying to reach people's expectations. I'm just so tired with all of it.." I can see Irene's painful tears as she gave her statement and put it all to an end. I didn't notice that I was crying as well as I looked at one of my closest friend laying it all down to the public.  No more lies. She's finally free.

She saved Seulgi just like I would do for Lisa. That's unconditional love. And it hurts like hell.

Grabbing my keys I immediately ran towards my car. Just my wallet and phone on hand. I dialed Irene's number as I drove away towards her pad. "Common pick up.." I whispered as I constantly dropped to voice mail.

I reached at her place without even parking my car properly. I ran and repeatedly pressed the button of the elevator almost breaking it. As I finally stepped on her floor, I rang the doorbell while anxiously waiting for her to open up.

"Fuck it Irene it's Jennie open up!" I shouted while continuously ringing the doorbell. "Don't you dare sulk on your own. LET ME IN !!!!"

Second later she opened up looking..

"Don't you dare tell me that I look like shit cause I know it already Ruby Jane." She said while wiping her stray tears away.

"I wasn't going to state the obvious anyways." I answered making her roll her eyes.

"I supposed you already seen the news?" She said while walking inside leaving the door open for me. I entered and saw her slumped on her couch. Almost looking like a lifeless body. I knew she cried for hours looking at her swollen eyes, red nose and puffy cheeks.

"You made quite a comeback I must say." I said trying to lighten up the mood.

She smirked while shaking her head. The room grew silent till.. "She.. she didn't left me you know..she wanted to be with me.. but I chose to break her heart than seeing her suffer. She came from a traditional family, and she's the bread winner to the family. I couldn't simply take her dreams and her future just because we accidentally fell in love with each other. I am not that selfish. Even if all I ever wanted was to be with her... forever."

"And knowing your mom she could easily pull some connections and your viral photos and videos will be forgotten in just a snap. Unsearchable. And she can easily pay off the company for breaching your contract." I said while walking towards her bar and grabbed some wine. Laying it all in the center table, i poured her a glass as I took a sip on mine.

"That's why I wasn't worry for myself." She said while grabbing her glass of wine.

"I can't blame you. I would do it for Lisa in a heartbeat.." I commented.

"Still hang up on your ex?"

"I couldn't call her ex when we never made it official."

"Cheers for the broken then." She said while raising her glass while giving me a sad smile and I returned it.

We silently look at the clear skies as we drowned our feelings away. Clinging to the easiest remedy. The numbness  that the alcohol can give.

I heard my phone blowing up with series of calls. From my manager, Jisoo, Rosé and even Lisa. But I just want to shut it all off, just for one day..

Give me a day to feel again...

Before I face reality and be that lifeless doll they want me to be...

Next day

"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?! WE'VE BEEN CONTACTING YOU FOR HOURS!!! WE WENT TO YOUR HOME AND SEARCHED FOR YOU!! THIS IS NOT A DAMN GAME RUBY JANE!!!" The president shouted making his voice echoed in the four corners of our almost empty conference room.

Only I, our managers, Jisoo, Rosé and Lisa are present in the emergency meeting they set up at 6am in the morning.

"I was visiting a friend." I answered calmly.

Making him looked more irritated then he laughed sarcastically. "She was visiting a friend.. A LESBIAN FRIEND FOR THAT MATTER!!!" He threw pictures on the table. Pictures of me and Irene laughing and drinking on her balcony, not a care in the world. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND RUBY JANE?! ASSOCIATING YOURSELF WITH IRENE IS GONNA COST YOUR BRAND REPUTATION AND YOUR MEMBERS REPUTATION!!!! DO YOU NOT GIVE A DAMN AT ALL?! Luckily that stupid reporter sell me these pictures before this went viral again."

"I'm sorry I should be more careful this time.." I answered.

He harshly sat down on his chair and massaged his temples. "You know how important you are to us. You are an asset to this company. You broke and set records. You are legendary and can do so much more.. don't fuck it up.."

"I understand.." I said looking at his eyes. Expressionless.

"You better be..." He said. "You are all dismissed." Before we  bowed respectfully and grabbed our things.

My manager automatically reviewed my daily schedule and like a puppet I followed it.

"Jen.." soft hands grabbed me turning me towards her, facing my most important people in the world. Jisoo looked at me with worry, Rosé looked sad and Lisa for the first time in a very long time looked like she almost cared about me. "are you alright?" Jisoo asked while caressing my arms.

I smiled at them. "I'm fine.. why wouldn't I be?"

"I- ah.. its just that-" She was hesitant and trying to find words but I immediately cut her off before confrontation starts. I couldn't break in front of them. I need to be strong.

"We.. should probably get going. I know you are all also busy with your schedule." I said with a smile. "I'll see you guys later." Before walking towards my manager.

Just another usual day Jennie... you can do this..