Goodbye lullaby

Chapter 9

Jennie

FLASHBACK

"You'll be dating Kai from EXO, your solo is coming up and I want every tabloid talking about you. A dating scandal could interest people to get to know you more. We already set up a scene for you guys. All you need to do is to act your part. Do you understand Jennie?"

They set me up on a scandal just to get people talk about me? I immediately turned to Lisa who is motionless on her seat. Still processing what the president just said and it made me worry.

"I- I mean is there any other way promoting my solo than.. this? I can go to variety shows? Showcase my rapping skills-"

"Nonesense! This is more than effective than variety shows." he answered with irritation in his voice. "If there are no questions you are all dismissed."

Lisa immediately got up and walked out, as fast as I could I followed her. Rosé and Jisoo looked worried as Lisa stormed out of the room.

I almost ran just to get to her fast strides. "Lisa.. please stop.."

She didn't listen instead she continued walking without even looking back.

"Lisa... please.." I tried to call her again without getting anyone's attention. She turned to an empty hallway making me determined to grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at me.

"Please talk to me.." i said almost in whisper while catching my breath.

Pain. That's what I could see in her eyes as she tried to avoid mine. "I'm sorry... I also don't want this arrangement.. you know that right? I can cancel it out for you- "

"No. Just...just kiss me.." almost in tears she begged and without hesitation I softly caress her beautiful face looking at her gorgeous doll like eyes with love and kiss her luscious lips conveying every emotions I felt for her. She held my hips tightly and pulled me closer towards her.

At that moment nothing mattered. I didn't care if people will caught us making out in the hallway. All I ever wanted right now is to show her how much I love her.

We kissed till our lungs hurt due to lack of oxygen. And when we finally slowly move apart, she looked at me lovingly with a hint of sadness in her eyes. "I lo- .. I care for you.. so..so much.. that it hurts.." Out of breath she whispered.

"I'm sorry.." almost in tears I answered cause I know or rather we know there is nothing we could do.

END OF FLASHBACK

I woke up with tears on my eyes. Those sweet memories hunt me in my sleep ever since she left me cold and hanging.   No one could replace the way she made me feel. And even if I die right now I'll treasure those beautiful memories with me.

Distraction. I needed distraction.

Luckily my manager called reminding me to get ready cause we will shoot our music video at 3am in the morning. I get up and as always did my routine. I decided to wear loose black shirt and black shorts paired with white sneakers. I put on my cap then headed outside. YG's black SUV is already at the front of my penthouse. I got in then as always my manager go over my wholeday schedule.

I arrived at the location just in time for my  hair and make up. We first started shooting our individual scenes before the group scene. We were scheduled to different locations so I'm on my own for now. Thank God for that though cause I'm not ready for Jisoo nor Rosé's confrontations.

This song is very precious to me. I poured my heart on it and I was really shocked when teddy and other producers chose this song as our comeback. The song is called "hurt so good", its so different compared to our other songs so this would be another reset for us. I wrote this at a time where I desperately want her back. Hopping and praying to be with her again.

I wore a white sleeves flowing dress that leaves a trail everytime i walk, my long hair was set in waves and they put little diamonds on it so that when the light hits it it will sparkle enchantedly. Barefooted I walked towards my scene.

They put spot lights around the center of the forest, the natural fog and light of the moon created a hunting scene. I situate myself at the center without hesitation i removed the warm towel and welcomed the coldness of the night. Almost making me numb.

The director signaled me to get ready and on cue my  voice echoed on the silent peaceful night.

(Cue-Hurt so good by Astrid)

I walked while looking at the camera while lip syncing laying down all my emotions in public. Making me bare.

"When it hurts but it hurts so good
Do you take it?
Do you break it off?
When it hurts but it hurts so good
Can you say it?
Can you say it?.."

Then the camera circled around me as I turn and dance as they rained dried leaves around me.

"Your love is like (hey, na-na-na, na-na)
Your love is like (hey, na-na-na, na-na)
It hurts so good (hey, na-na-na, na-na)
Your love is like (hey, na-na-na, na-na)..."

I dramatically collapsed and laid myself on the cold ground, I felt warm tears slide off my cheeks as the camera zoom out then zoomed in on top of me getting the view perfectly.

"It hurts so good.."

"AND CUT!!!! Good work Jen!! That was perfect!!! No retakes needed, you nailed it just like that!" He complimented me as people applaud and cheered for me. I smiled and bowed politely.

They let me review the scene and indeed it was breathtaking. You can feel the pain just by looking at me. But they didn't know I wasn't acting anymore. Those emotions were real. And that was me....

I was being me...

The next scene is when we tried to catch the sunrise at the tip of the cliff. I was running trying to reach the sunlight as I lip syncing on the song.

"Wide awake through the daylight
Will you hold me like we're running a yellow light?"

Then I stopped at the tip of the cliff, turned to the camera, smiled sadly as I sang.

"Reach for you with my hands tied
Are we dancing like we're burning in paradise?"

Then on cue I close my eyes felt that warm tear again on my cheeks as I laid down and fall, feeling the cold breeze dropping myself to the deep ocean.

I heard the director shouted CUT. Stand by boats and swimmers came to me hurriedly. It was cold but I felt better. Expressing this long buried feelings are better than keeping it to myself.

The staffs hurriedly put warm covers and warm packs around me. I look at the monitor and almost cried.

It was indeed a heartbreaking masterpiece. The director caught my expressions and potray it perfectly. As i ran they put it on slow motion as well as I turned and looked at the camera. Then pause it as my tear slipped on my cheeks. Then when I fell the slow mo effect and the way I reached the skies made the staffs a bit emotional.

They applaud me for my acting. I bowed and thank them as well.

They will never know.. that this isn't a mask anymore....