Goodbye lullaby

Chapter 1

"5minutes Blackpink." One of the crew signaled us to get in position.

It is our last promotional performance for how you like that, and though i was happy for its success I still couldn't feel that full contentment in my heart.

Turning towards Rosé and Lisa happily talking to each other, I felt that certain sting in my heart again.

I didn't know how we end up like this.. I didn't even know how it even began.. i just felt her pulling away slowly till i was too late.. i tried to reach out.. i tried to fight for her.. for us.. I didn't even care that i would look pathetic in the eyes of the public nor the series of consequences and arguments between me and my manager have all the time. I didn't care cause i know she's always worth it. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't fix it cause she wouldn't even give me a chance to do it..

Sighing heavily i looked away. Composing myself and mastering that TV smile that i tend to show recently. Like everything is fine and well.

"Hey Jen are you alright?" I heard Jisoo's soft voice. Right now.. she was the only one who I could rely on.. she was the only one who stayed and keep me sane. Rosé wouldn't even talk to me about Lisa.. she wouldn't even help me talk to her, or even ask for an explanation for the sudden coldness.

I look at her sad eyes and smiled. "Never better."

"Everything will be fine okay? Give her time... the public wouldn't shut up about you two.. your fans and her fans are also in chaos, everything's a mess.. maybe she's a bit pressured and stressed out."

"I just want her to talk to me.. and make me understand.."now I'm in the verge of crying which made Jisoo immediately looked around for possible witness and covered me from Rosé and Lisa's sight. Pulling myself together, and looked up trying to suppress the tears.

"Let us welcome blackpink!!!" That drew my attention which made Jisoo squeezed my arm as a signal put on that mask again. And so i smiled and did my part perfectly.

Time passed and we received an award again, i tried to act happy and enthusiastic but instead my tears let me down.. i just hope the public will interpret that as tears of joy.

I thank the blinks and gave a short message trying to hold my voice steady but i cracked which made me pass the mic to Rosé. I saw how our manager at the side changed his facial expression. Gulping the lump inside my throat, i took a deep breath and continued to smile.

As our encore started and other artist exit the stage, i turned to Seulgi and Irene who looked at me with concern in their eyes. I gave them a sad smile while waving to them. Yup, they knew what was going on, they were the first one to notice how incredibly awkward Lisa and I on stage, and that is enough for them to know something was up. It was like that time where YG forced me to date Kai just to promote my solo debut, Lisa and I fought almost everyday during those times but we didn't dare gave up till now....

Our song played and i sang my part, i couldn't even celebrate our success whole heartedly instead I'm functioning like a robot just trying to do what i was made for or rather told to do.

At the corner of my eyes, i saw Rosé and Lisa being sweet and cute together. I know I shouldn't feel this jealousy towards Rosé cause i also cared about her like a sister but i just couldn't help taste that bitterness on my tongue. And that's when I unintentionally sang my part with so much emotion in it.

"I'll kiss you goodbye!" Stomped my foot then walked away.

And that's when i knew I'll be scolded again after this.

I tried to reach out to her again, just one last time and promise myself to let go completely.

I look at her straight in her eyes which for the past few weeks she's trying to avoid and signaled her to dance with me. My heart broke when she was hesitant at first, and seemed she was left with no choice but to incline. Our palms touch burning every part of my body. Those familiar sensation that was now a distant memory.

I smiled at her sadly and waved like in our dance routine but actually its a wave goodbye for me and her.

Its time to accept the painful truth. To accept defeat. Happy endings and forever didn't exist in our world.

I immediately exited the stage after we thank everyone and bowed. Walking fast, just to get away from it all.

But as i stepped down the stairs our manager was already in-front of me with a grim look in his face.

"Jen can i talk to you for a minute?." He asked.

Like i have a choice. I nod silently.

"You guys can now change." He instructed the others. I didn't dare looked at their way, i just continued to stare at my shoes like its the most interesting thing in the world."come this way." He lead me towards a private empty room. Silence reigned as i lean myself on the wall. "Jen... how many times do i have to tell you-"

"I know.. I'm sorry.. it won't happen again." I cut him off, cause I've heard his speech a million times like a broken record repeating on loop.

He sighed defeatedly. "I'm just looking out for you guys.. "

" i know.. I'm sorry.." i said half-whispered.

"Go get change. Your car is already waiting outside."

I nod in response then immediately walked out. My heart pounded loudly as i moved towards the dressing room.

Our staff are still inside, helping Jisoo, Lisa and Rosé to get ready as they fixed their things. My assistant immediately went over to me, i saw her mouth moving but I couldn't hear what she's trying to say.

That familiar tightness in my throat made the pounding of my heart even worst.

I needed to get out of here.

Grabbing my coat and bag, i hastily walked out. I heard someone shouted my name but that didn't stop me cause right now all i want is an escape... Without anyone breathing on my neck.

Right now..

I want freedom..