Abused Foster

Twenty-Two

   "Jace, Jennifer, you two go ahead. I'm gonna talk to Addison for a minute," Shaun says, slowing down his pace as we walk up to a ride that looks like a spaceship of some sort.

I look at Jennifer as her and Jace keep walking, but she hesitates for a moment before nodding and walking after Jace.

   Turning towards Shaun, I feel my heart begin pounding as my anxiety begins to settle in.
   "So uhh, what's up?" I ask, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact for very long, even though he's the first person out of everyone I've met.

"I wanna make sure you're alright after all that," he says, pushing his hands into his pockets.
"We all know you've been suppressing it after that incident at the mall. We want you to know you don't have to deal with that stuff behind closed doors. I won't lie, I know you've gone to Jace a few times."

"You do? Wait it's not-"

"Don't worry. I know. I've seen the way you look at him, and it's okay." He says then pauses and signs.
"Besides. You're not the only one here who has a secret." He says, lowering his voice slightly then looking over his shoulder.

"How did you know? About my feelings- and I understand that.. it's just that the amount of times I've had families surrender me back to where I was staying because of the trauma and past I have.. I just don't want to lose what seems to finally be my family." I say, then think about the last part of his statement.
"Since you know my secret, I think it would only be fair if I knew yours.. so?" I ask, prodding him slightly.

A small smile tugs at the corners of Shaun's lips, and he turns his head slightly to look at me.
"I have a bit of a crush on someone we live with myself," he states, which confuses me slightly.

I furrow my eyebrows slightly as I know he doesn't mean me, and he doesn't give off any vibes that he's gay or anything -
"Oh my god, you like Jennifer!" I exclaim excitedly before putting a hand over my mouth.

Shaun chuckles at my reaction and nods slightly.
"Don't worry, they wouldn't be able to hear that with us being over here. But keep it a secret, I want to be the one to tell her when the time is right." He says as he begins walking towards where Jennifer and Jace are standing in line.

"Do I really make it that obvious though? That I have a crush on Jace?" I ask, looking over at Shaun.

A smile forms on his lips and he laughs softly.
"Like an open book. Although I don't understand why he's so blind to see it."

"He's blind to a lot of shit apparently." I huff just before we get within hearing range.

    Shaun chuckles in response.
"All I ask is that if you two do end up together is you don't change who you are. Not for Jace, not for anybody." He says low enough for them not to hear as we walk up.

"Of course not," I respond, rolling my eyes playfully as we finally approach Jace and Jennifer.

    Jennifer glances at Jace before turning to me. "Jace wanted to say something to you. We'll save the spot in line, you two go over there and talk." Jennifer says, pushing Jace towards me and waving in no particular direction.

    Jace flashes a glare at Jennifer before sighing and beginning to walk away from them.
    I glance back at Jennifer and Shaun before speed walking to catch up with Jace.

    "So what's this Jennifer says you wanted to talk to me about?" I ask, looking over and up at Jace once i catch back up to him.

"I want to apologize for the way Sydney behaved. I owe Shaun and Jennifer an apology as well, but I feel like I owe you one most of all." He starts as we turn a corner, so we're out of the others' line of sight.
     "She's not usually like that. At all. I'm not going to excuse her behavior but-"

     I scoff and fold my arms as I roll my eyes.
"Not that you've seen," I say confrontationally. "Jenn and I were talking earlier and she told me all about how toxic she was. You were just too blind to notice her treating your friends like crap, because you didn't want to believe it. But by ignoring it you not only made her think that behavior was okay, but you made your friends feel like crap." I say, gesturing towards the others.
   "Not to mention, how she made me feel." I say, allowing myself to open up slightly. "But of course you'd never understand, you were too busy making fucking goo-goo eyes at her." I say as I sigh heavily, fold my arms again and look away from him.

He stays silent for a moment before sighing.
"I know. I wish I could go back and open my eyes sooner to the true abuse she put all of us through. I guess I just wanted to see her for how she was those years ago. I shouldn't have been so ignorant about it, and I'm sorry." He says, moving himself into my line of sight.

I look up at him and sigh then look down.
"I'm not going to say it's okay. It's not." I say, remembering the.. moments we had together. It's like that didn't happen to him. Like it didn't matter.
    "Come on, the others are probably about to get on the ride." I say and walk around him, heading towards Shaun and Jennifer as I play with the necklace Jace gave me that's still hanging around my neck.

    Why can't I just drop my feelings, and why does what he did hurt so bad?