Ablaze

Fourty One

Kaen's POV

"I don't want to go back to work today."

"I know, babe. But you have to. How else are you going to be a hero if you don't get out there and work?"

"Yeah, I know. I just... don't want to leave you alone."

"I'm fine, Kaen. It's been a week and I've already started feeling better. I'm telling you— those healing springs have real magic in them. I packed your lunch, it's just leftovers from last night."

"Even while you're crippled, you're still doing shit for me."

"I'm not crippled, jeez. What time will you be back?"

"Not sure. I'll let you know later. You sure you're going to be okay alone?"

"Yes, I'm not five, Kaen. Now go, or else you'll be late. I love you."

"I love you, too. Later, babe."

As I walk out of the door, I can't help but feel so worried about her. I know she's not a child and can take care of herself... but something has been off with her lately. She's acting like everything's okay, but I know her deep enough to know that she bottles everything up for the sake of herself and others. I don't want her to do that. If something's wrong, why won't she just talk to me?

She hasn't been eating much, and claims it's from the medicine suppressing her appetite. I can tell she hasn't been sleeping very well either because the dark circles under her eyes have gotten even darker. She's barely smiled at all since she's been home, and her eyes weren't as bright as they normally are. I'm really fucking worried about her. I haven't talked to her about it, but I think I should before something else happens. I'm just hoping that she won't try and lie to me about how she's really feeling.

Ashling's POV

First day alone since everythings happened. It was weird, to be honest. It's not like I've never been home alone before, but it just felt different this time.

I've been lying to Kaen, and it's starting to kill me. I don't want to lie to him, but I can't have him worrying about me so much. His job is already stressful enough, especially with the whole Solaris incident, so I don't want to add more to his plate.

The nightmares haven't been so bad, but I've still been having them almost every night. It's a shock that I haven't woken up Kaen even though I'm tossing and turning all night. I haven't told him about it, and I don't plan to. This past week I've felt like total shit, mentally. Everything just feels so dull.

I'm not too sure what I'm going to do all day. To be honest... I don't really feel like doing anything. I don't want to cook, or clean, or even paint. I just have no energy or motivation to do anything. The way I've been feeling lately... is all too familiar. I can feel myself going back down that dark road again, and I'm scared. It's not just as simple as "go to therapy" or "talk to someone about it" how everyone makes it to be. Depression fucking sucks. You feel like a burden to everyone and you just don't want to talk to anyone. All you want to do is crawl into a ball and lay on the floor.

***

Kaen's POV

Finally, work is over. Today dragged on for what seemed like forever, and of course my first day back I had to stay until fucking nine o'clock. I've texted Ash throughout the day, but she didn't answer my text that I just sent letting her know I was coming home. I know I shouldn't be paranoid, but I can't help it. Maybe she's just in the shower or something.