anime angst

'The Hanging Tree' tsukkiyama/tsukihina

This story is based of an idea by musicbird  (sorry bro i stole the chapter name too) This is sad Yamaguchi from Haikyuu!!. In the anime and manga it shows Yamaguchi blaming himself for losing points, getting bullied as a child for having freckles (which are beautiful btw), thinking he has a 'pizza face' in the bathrooms before a match, and he has anxiety. He's a sad boy...  Enjoy this TsukkiYama angst

imma put a trigger warning bc thats what some ppl do lol

!! TW: Sucicide !!

I saw him walking... walking away from me. 

Again. 

Just to go hang out with that tangerine.

    'I don't get it! Tsukki went from hating his guts to loving him like crazy!! What happened to us? Why?' I kept continuously asking myself these questions everyday. I don't want to sound like I'm obsessed or jealous, because I'm not! I just want to spend time with my supposedly best friend. But all he does is run the other way. 

    I couldn't take it any longer. I walked up to Coach Ukai asking him if I could use the bathroom. He says yes. I jog out of the gymnasium with a smile on my face. But it wasn't real. 

    I ran to the other side of the school before stopping. I went into the boys bathroom and broke down. 

    "Why? Why does it have to be this way?" I say to no one. I just keep complaining about how meaningless and horrible my life is. That is until someone walks in. I stand in the stall i was in silently until i hear the person leave again. I quietly walk out of my stall and stand over the sinks. 

    I hear all the voices in my head. 

Ugly!

Lonely!

Worthless!

Useless!

Pizza Face!

You don't deserve to be here!

Why don't you just die already!?

     Wait... that was the first time I've heard that one... I can't get it out of my head.. It's like.. it's going to stay there until I do. 

     I walk back to the gym slowly. Those last words repeating inside my head. 

     'why don't you die already? why don't you di-'  Over and over, until I reach my destination. I slowly step into the gym again and look around. I see hinata and Tsukki cleaning up volleyballs together. I don;t feel anything though. It's like I'm... numb. 

    "OI! Tadashi! Help me take down the net!" I hear. I look to the source of the noise. 'Tanaka... whatever'   I walk over to help him take it down. 

~le timeskip to when they're done~

    "Yamaguchi..?" I hear a faintish voice from beside me. 'wait.. when did I start walking home? meh.'  I put on a small smile. "Yes Tsukki?" I reply.  "I'm going to walk home with Shoyo today.. I'll see you later?" My mind goes blank again. I keep my 'smile' on though. "Shoyo..? Sure! See you tomorrow." 

    With that he smiles and leaves, while holding Hinata's hand. I smile a bit. 'He's happy, so I should be too, right?'   I walk to my house. 

    I open the door. "Hello! Any one home?!" I yell to be greeted with no response.  I sigh loudly and take off my shoes. I make my way into the kitchen and see a note on the refrigerator door. I read it.