anime angst

Happy Pills

This is Suna angst and stuff. Its inspired (when i write it like that it sounds like a good thing lol) ANYWHORES its inspired by me finding inhalers which no one in my family need in my basement AND antidepressants so yeahhhhhhh

*stalling bc I have no idea what to write rn*

JASKAKJSDKJASDDHJJHJJHJHJJKASHJAHJHJHJKJ FUCK IDK WHAT TO WRITEEEEEEEE

okokokokokokokokokok lemme try something real quick....

    I was walking home, thinking about all of my normal thoughts. 

Worthless.

Osamu <3

Why though?

You should stop taking your pills. Osamu's starting to wonder why you're happier.

   I'm trying to stop taking them. I just... can't... I want to be happy. But I can't afford the price I need to pay to be happy, thats why I chose a less expensive way. 

    I want to get my dad out of prison. Of course I can't pay his way out. The police put him in there because his brother murdered someone. Uncle looks a lot like my dad. The police took him away about 2 years ago. Dad made me happy.

    I want to see my mom again. She died when I was 10. Only 4 years after my sister was born. I miss her. She died from stage four lung cancer. She made me happy.

    I want to see my sister smile again. She's only 11 right now, but she is depressed and spends most of her time out of school either in her room or home alone. She made me happy. 

    Thinking about it though, I'm not much better than my sister. I smoke weed and take anti-depressants to stay happy. I ask Osamu to fuck me till I can't walk JUST so I forget about my life for a little bit. Of course, reality hits me like a train afterwards, but forgetting about everything and everyone but me and Osamu for just a little bit is a good enough break for me. 

    Sometimes I want to take a break from life. I just want to... end my free trial and restart a new one. Or have a timer set or something so I can see my mom then come back to take care of my sister. 

    I think, and I think, and I think about everything. Its like I'm trapped inside my own mind, and only 4 people can take me out of it. I've talked about the four people already, so you must know already... right? 

    I remember when me and Osamu were just friends. My heart hurt because I wanted to be more than that, but people say my emotions never show so he obviously didn't know. I remember I used to try and put up a big smile whenever I was around him. People thought it was weird but I did it because I wanted him to see how I really feel. This led to people asking if I was okay and whatnot. 

    To be honest, I was never really 'okay'. I remember I used to go to therapy to talk. (A/N okok I know that i might have just ruined something, but like.. Me who has major trust issues is just gunna describe the way I felt when I went to therapy) I didn't like talking to them. I didn't like the idea of someone I barely know learning all about me and all my personal stuff and problems. Of course I still went. I couldn't just waste the 50 dollars a week my dad would put in for me. 

~that was a lot of nothing and story fillers for y'all~

    I walked into my house. "Is anyone home?" I yelled. I heard a faint noise so I assumed my sister was home and in her room. I walk into the kitchen and sat on the counter going through my phone.