it's locked, stupid: book three

ch. 1

Three weeks. She's been gone for three weeks. Maybe even more. I've lost track of reality if I'm being honest. I lost one love, but possibly gained one I wanted my whole life. Crazy, right? I don't know why any of this happened. How did I piss off the world, the universe, that much. I don't leave my room much. Or at least I didn't until Korra convinced me to keep living.

I'm trying. I really am. It's hard seeing someone you love be ripped apart by something you're connected to. I refused to go there again. The first, and only time I tried, I kept on seeing it. Every spirit I look at, I see it. I don't want to. I know the spirits aren't bad. I know that it was Vatuu's chaos that took over them, but still. It's hard.

Bumi has a little spirit he named Bum-Ju. I've seen it once or twice. Bumi tries to keep it away from me.

My family started treating me like a cracked egg. My dad was avoiding the subject altogether. That meant avoiding me most of the time. My mom was overbearingly annoying me about "talking about it". Jinora wasn't acting much different; she mostly just didn't talk much unless we were alone. I think she understands that I don't feel comfortable talking about Tera in front of everything. Kya is just Kya honestly. She lets me rant and cry to her. She doesn't pity me or try to sugarcoat anything. I appreciate that. Meelo asks if Tera's coming back. It's hard saying no. Ikki caught on to what I meant by "no" pretty quickly. Meelo is still trying to grasp it on his own.

Tera was a part of all our lives. Now she's just... gone. Gone for good. I just hope it didn't hurt. She didn;t deserve to go out painfully. She deserved to die peacefully in her sleep after years of serving her people. Her people.

They heard about her death quickly. Every once in a while I get a letter or a pity gift basket. People knew we were close, but they all thought we were close like best friends, not dating.

I haven't really changed clothes much. I refuse to wear my robes. I don't feel worthy of them. I don't feel worthy of my tattoos either. I cover them up entirely so I don't have to look at them. It's a constant reminder of the fact that I wasn't good enough to save both of us. It disgusts me. I disgust me.

"Sunshine?" I heard a tap at my door. I opened my eyes lazily to be greeted with the bright sun from my window.

"No." I grumbled, pulling the covers over my head.

"Jay. It's me." The voice was a bit muffled. Also, I was too tired to try and recognize the voice. I could just tell today is going to be one of the very difficult days.

"Who?"

"Korra." She gently tugs my covers off my head. I open my eyes to look at her. "Good morning."

"Morning."

"Come on, up."

"Why?"

"Something's going on that you are needed for. A.K.A family dinner time."

"I decline that invitation." I smirk.

"I don't care. Get up, get dressed, and meet me outside." Korra grabs my chin lightly and makes me look at her. "Got it?"

"Whatever." I softly push her hand off. She places the smallest kiss on my forehead.

"Good." She leaves my room with a smile of victory.

Oh, was all that confusing?

Need a refresher?

"I'm not made of glass, ya know?" Korra immediately hugged me as tight as she could.

"I am so sorry, Jinpa. I never meant to hurt you."

"You didn't. I kind of did it to myself. Korra lets me go.