𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧 [ 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐮 ]

sorry can't save me now .11

nini's body stiffened but she only nodded her head and took a deep breath. ricky gave nini a reassuring smile and sat closer to the girl.

"listen, i know this is going to be a hard conversation to have but i think that we should probably say everything right now, you know? there's no holding back and the only way we can get past everything is if you and i get everything off our chest," ricky informed nini as he eyed the girl, "you can talk first if you're okay with it," she looked up at ricky and nodded her head again.

nini inhaled a breath before speaking, "i'm not okay, ricky. i feel so scattered and..." the girl quietly muttered as tears slowly fell from her eyes. ricky felt his heart drop but waited for nini to continue, ".... and i know it's been a year. and i know you've moved on, but i didn't... i couldn't," nini confessed as she finally looked into ricky's eyes.

"nini..."

"it just ... hurts, you know? because you did some terrible things to me. you really hurt me, ricky," nini emphasized as ricky kept his eyes on her. the boy nodded his head, feeling ashamed of how he treated the girl. nini wiped her eyes and continued, "but after all this time ... i still have love for you. i always told myself that i would eventually hate you. that i would get over you and find someone new, but no matter how hard i tried. i was always wanting you at the end of the day."

"nini ... i'm so sorry for the way i treated you," ricky finally apologized, "you were an amazing friend, girlfriend, and person to me. you were the only person who truly made me smile, you were the only person who could get me back into music, and the only person that made me feel closure with gracie. honestly, i stopped smoking because of you — not lily. and.... you're right. i did awful things to you and ... i didn't treat you the way you should've been treated. i was stupid and i regret all of it."

"why didn't you though?"

"why didn't i..?"

"why didn't you treat me good enough? why wasn't i good enough, ricky?" nini asked in a hush voice, "you never told me why."

"you were good enough, nini. you were more than enough," ricky answered, "honestly, i wasn't good enough for you."

"that doesn't make any sense, ricky. you were embarrassed of me."

"nini, i don't think i was. it just came out that way, i guess.... it was easier to act like i was embarrassed of you than to face the actual problem..."

"... the actual problem?"

"me. i'm the actual problem .. like nini ... do you know how amazing you are?" ricky softly asked the girl with a small smile, "you worked eight hour shifts all the time, you paid for everything yourself, you did good in school, you basically raised yourself and the caswell family, you made time for your friends and i, you wrote songs and performed like it was nothing — when the whole world was against you ... you never gave up. you're literally perfect. i mean, obviously all that hard work, paid off. you're number one everywhere, not just in the US...then there's me: rich boy who doesn't work — everything gets handed to him, treated his friends like shit, ghosted his parents, smoked everyday, skipped school, had shitty grades, and i had the best girlfriend in the world and managed to cheat on her ... more than once. i was a screw up. honestly, i felt like shit when i was with you sometimes. i saw how genuine and great you were ... it felt like i wasn't good enough to be with you and that i was just gonna drag you down with me. i don't know. i wasn't embarrassed of you though. i was proud of you — i still am. but i guess i was more embarrassed of myself and what everyone online would say about us dating. little miss perfect with 'asshole' ricky, as what gina used to say."