I Am Here (UNEDITED)

Chapter 27

Gracen decided to walk upstairs and check on his siblings, Hunter was reading a book, and the twins had both managed to fall asleep although they may have cried themselves into exhaustion. Their checks were flushed red and the rims of their eyes were puffy. Delia wasn't one of the parties in trouble, Gracen still decided to check on her. Delia sat criss-cross applesauce on her bed, her journal on top today the mattress, but not opened. When Gracen came in her gaze was already focused on him.
"You doing ok, Delia?" Gracen asked. Delia didn't respond. Nervously, Gracen stuffed his hands in his pockets before talking again.
"Andre and Andrew are nice guys." Delia didn't say much before she reached for her whiteboard and spun it to face him.
Just ask.
"You had that already written, I knew were observant like Hunter, but wow." Gracen responded a nervous chuckle escaping him. Delia kept the sign where it was, but couldn't help but smirk at how funny Gracen looked twisting in place like he had to go to the bathroom. After a deep breath Gracen composed himself.
"The Artie and Drew call you Del and Andre calls you anaconda and both Andrew and Andre call you Lia. Can I give you a nickname?" Delia gave him a pointed look she knew that wasn't the question that he really wanted to ask her. But he seemed to genuinely want the answer.
I don't mind, but I wouldn't think about it to hard, you'll know when you find the right one for you.
"Don't you mean the right one for you?" Gracen questioned.
I suppose, but me liking it is not essential, for example when Andre gave me the nickname Anaconda, I wasn't happy. Being called after a snake that strangles it's prey was not one of my goals in life.
Gracen seemed a little upset when he read the part about Andre. "Delia, I know I haven't known you for long, none of your older brothers have, but I want you to know that the relationship you have with Andrew and Andre is one I want to achieve. It won't be easy, but I want to have it."
Wanting isn't enough you need to work for it. Even if you work at it for awhile I can't promise anything will happen.
"But you let them in and from what they said it was almost immediate that you guys felt that sibling relationship."
They made it sound instantaneous, but it took them months to earn part of my trust and almost the entire two years before I realized and accepted that I trusted them wholeheartedly. Honestly they were fortunate to meet me that far in, any later. And I would have blocked them out.
"Ok, maybe I shouldn't be so upset about your relationship with them, but me and Hunter meet you guys at the same time, however all three of you are closer to him. Don't say it's not true I can see you guys tense up when I walk in the room." Gracen's sadly said. Delia deliberated for a moment trying to come up with a response before writing her answer.
Maybe we are closer to him, but the twins didn't tense up because you came in the room they froze because I had tended up.
"And you tensed up because of me." Gracens tone was matter of fact.
Kind of. You make me anxious because with Hunter he is still a kid, but you are an adult, besides with Andre and Andrew my other relationships with people especially adults is less than perfect.
"You want to say something more?" Gracen's face held a puzzled look.
To be honest you remind me a lot of mom. You hid. Behind a smile never showing what you really think or that you are any thing less the perfect. She would show that side to people who became suspicious, it worked every time.
Gracen frowned when he read that, but Delia quickly began to scribble on her board again.
Presenting your best side to strangers or those you are close with is normal and sometimes a good way to protect yourself. But you are beginning to take it to a whole new level. You want us to consider you family, but you are not presenting "you" only the sculpted, manicured version you show people you don't want getting close.
Gracen's look of shock was priceless and Delia really wished she had a camera to take a picture.

Gracen wasn't sure that her description was completely accurate, but most of it was. He knew that he used his caring personality and smile as a way to block people out or think he was in pain, but he didn't always consciously do it. At this point a smile and steering topics away from him were his automatic defense. It had been his coping mechanism for as long as he could remember.
"Your right Delia, I'm sorry that I have made you feel you couldn't trust me or that I didn't want to get to know me. I do want you to know me and I also want to discover more about you and the twins."
Delia smiled genuinely this time.
I thought so. If I didn't think you felt that way I never would have mentioned it. Don't feel to discouraged about the level of trust you have now, for me it is no small amount.
Gracen gave a small smile at her attempt to comfort him.
"Can I ask you something else?" Delia nodded her agreement.
"Earlier you said that me and Hunter will have to work hard to earn you trust what about Daniel? I know he has been a bit of a jerk, but he loves you and would never hurt you." Delia expression seemed to ice over.
You and Hunter have a shot, but the current Daniel I have meet is just a jerk I happen to live with. And don't bet on the not hurting me part. Something tells me that the only reason that I haven't been forced to confess that the abuse was all a lie is because you and Hunter won't let him.
Gracen wanted to say something, but was stopped once more.
If he wants this as much as you say, then he's should be the one in here, trying to convince me. Daniel needs to wake up, but before he does I have no interest in getting to know him or trusting him, call it cold, but I can't afford it.