I Am Here (UNEDITED)

Chapter 20

*Warning mention and allusion to sexual molestation and rape*
The first thing I sensed was that people were near me in fact the weight I felt implied they are on top of me. What was going on a hand touched my head and it came rushing back. Bolting upright I flayed my body trying to get "Him" off of me. I managed to get away but I could still feel the filth of his fingers all over me . On my chin, tilting my head for for his lips to smear against my own. On my chest squeezing tugging, in my pants yanking them off as I struggled with tears of fear and anger. On my legs, prying them apart.

I had to get off I scratched at my body trying to scrape of the feeling. But the feeling remained. It had seeped under my skin into my bones. His filth was forever a part of me.

With officer Kim's explanation it had brought back memories. Ones my body had repressed for my own safety. The indifference and dissonance I had carefully kept in tact for years was shattering. I wasn't building walls to keep the world out because their was nothing left to build them with, there was no sense of safety to cling too. No mask I could wear that would protect me from the raging emotions and memories that were returning. I am too weak, too tired, too scared to do anything to keep striving towards some goal a worthless piece of trash could ever achieve. I give up.
*Warning over, however their may be allusion to suicide*
Delia spooked awake and threw the sleeping twins off her. Yelling in surprise the twins woke up and continued to yell this time for Andrew and their two brothers, Daniel still hadn't arrived. Andrew was the first to arrive and quickly tried to restrain Delia who was frantically clawing at her body leaving trails of red. With the help of Gracen he managed to restrain Delia. But the episode seemed to end as soon as it started Delia stopped struggling. Her eyes seemed to clear as if she was actually seeing them now. She saw their hands on her but she didn't move her eyes held fear and disgust but she didn't move. Slowly Andrew released her, carefully watching in case of a relapse. But their was nothing no reaction no movement.
"You ok Lia?" Andrew asked before mentally forehead slapping. A nod of affirmation followed.
"Delia can you stand up—." Before Daniel finished he question Delia stood up her back straight head lowered and hands cupped in front of her body. The twins gasped, they recognized the posture. Their parents always made her stand like that every time they talked with her, her body would always tremble in repressed rage, but this time her body didn't move she was completely still.
"Why are you standing like that Delia?" Hunter asked.
'Waiting' Delia signed
"Delia please relax? And tell us what is going on?" Andrew requested. Delia's figure stiffly "relaxed".
'There is nothing wrong' Delia responded.
"You had a panic attack, and tried to tear off your skin.You aren't acting normal, what makes you think we will believe you when you'd at nothing is wrong?" Gracen asked angry that he could not pull her out of whatever this was.
"Gracen, when Delia says nothing she isn't referring to the absence of things she is referring to herself." Artie said timidly.
"'Nothing' is the title that my parents gave her." Artie continued. Delia was saying that she, her entire being was wrong that their was nothing right about her. Delia had given up on resisting all the things she had experienced, because in the end it would all get wiped out again. The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout when the sun came up again, but Delia was a one tracked animal she couldn't keep repeating the same process of inventing a "new her" when someone could so easily smash it all again with a word or look. So she decided to remain the way the world kept beating her back too. Humans are powerful creatures in their own right however their destructive capability to their own species may be even higher.

Delia may have give up on living her life, that doesn't mean her life is over, with every breath she breathes it is a chance to start over for people to come along and show her that as powerful as destructive words and actions are. Self preservation is part of our being our mindset. However, their are always people willing to do the opposite. There is a saying that a harsh comment can destroy the confidence of a thousand compliments. But that isn't entirely true a kind word can be the thing to make someone's day to encourage them that their is a brighter future. And her family and friends are going to do just that everyday every moment that she needs them too because that is human nature.