A Storm of Flames and Deceit

XXII. Grounded in Reality

Nephele
I hadn't been lying when I told Thesan that Dawn was a grand beauty. Even as we journey back up to the rooftop for our afternoon kiting excursion, I find my feet moving slower and slower up each step, unable to keep from admiring the view.
I like the dresses Eris provided for me best here as well. Throughout this whole trip, Eris had begun magically drawing dresses from some unseen trove, depositing options in the armoires of every room I stay in along the way. Here, the dresses were all billowing chiffon, fade blues and purples.
This afternoon, my dress is a dusty shade of blue, a deep and plunging V-neck. The dress hung off me like the cascade of a waterfall, dancing in the wind as I climbed the stairs.
Thesan shows us how to use the kites, tells me how he used to make them when he was a little boy. From his stoic post a few dozen yards away, I still notice Ren staring helplessly at his lover, so in love that he could forget himself entirely.
The kites were quite enjoyable. Eris sat it out, letting me and Thesan do most of the kite flying while he and Ren watched. It didn't bother me. I quite liked feeling like a kid again. Sometimes it feels like I never had a childhood, like I was robbed of the carelessness I could've had in another life. I also didn't mind being able to look up and see Eris, his silk shirt billowing in the wind, revealing his toned chest, tussling his hair affectionately.
By the time we had finished, I noticed Eris pick Thesan away from me, talking in some hushed tone as we returned downstairs for lunch. I let myself assume it's probably politics. I think Eris might combust if he ignores work for too long.
I decide to fall back with Ren, him sternly watching Thesan ahead, making sure he's safe. "That ring," I ask him, noticing the orange gem on his finger. "What is it? It's beautiful."
"It is citrine," he answers. "Dawn is known for their gems and jewels. Your betrothed probably got that diamond from Dawn." He nods to my wedding ring, and I examine it again, seeming to refract all the colors of the dawning clouds.
"Did Thesan give you that ring?" I ask, curious.
"Thesan gives every guard a ring when they enlist," he explains. "It corresponds to their birth month."
"I see," I glance at his other hand, a blue gem sparkling across his knuckle. "And does he give every guard a ring for each hand?" I raise a brow.
"No," Ren says stiffly, but I could swear a smile dances behind his lips. "No, he does not."
...
Thesan and Eris had become complete buddies at lunch, talking about court affairs and trade like the world would implode if there was a stretch of silence, even cracking a few purposeful jokes. In a funny way, I can see Thesan start to warm to Eris. It makes me a little proud as I eat my salad, smiling, shaking my head.
But by the time lunch finishes, I find myself not quite ready to relax. My body itches to do something- I couldn't say what. Maybe that's why I'm so excited when Eris doesn't walk me back in the direction of our rooms. "Change of plans," he says, whispering deviously. "Thesan is letting us borrow his hot air balloon."
I blink. "I was going to ask what that is, but I think I'll just ask you why are we whispering?"
"Thesan said he would be ecstatic if we ended up borrowing it, says it doesn't get used enough," he tells me, ducking us through another corridor, scanning his surroundings. "But he also says Ren will lose his mind if he found out Thesan loaned anything that mattered to him to his guests. Apparently, Ren thinks Thesan is too generous, doesn't want to see him get played."
I nod. It makes sense. "Noted," I say, jogging down the stairs at his side. "Now you can tell me what a hot air balloon is."
He opens the door for me, and I slip through. "That," he says, and I follow his gaze. "That is a hot air balloon."
...
I think I'm the opposite of afraid of heights. Being on low ground debilitates me, but looking down on it all brings me peace. I like how small the world looks from up here. I like that I'm just as small.
"How did you know Thesan even had this?" I ask Eris. I simply must know. This contraption... it's delightful, a massive sack of air, filled by the exhaust of flame that Eris controls, transporting us in a basket-like platform over the landscape.
"Would you believe me if I told you Thesan and I were childhood friends?" He asks me, glancing over the landscape. "That we used to go for rides on this very balloon when we were just boys?"
I blink. "You told me you didn't have any friends."
"I didn't. Not really, anyway," he replies simply, walking to stand beside me. "Our mothers were acquaintances. Father never let her have many friends, but her friendship with Thesan's mother benefitted him in trade with Thesan's father. I must've been only eight. Thesan was even younger, but he was one of the only little boys my age that my father let me play with."
"Why didn't you tell me that?" I nudge him, a smile on my face. "Let me know what I'm working with."
He shrugs. "I thought he had forgotten. We had never mentioned it before. And he was so young," he replies casually. "That was around the time my father stopped letting my mother and I leave autumn."
My lips press into a frown of their own volition, and he grimaces. "Don't give me that. I know you had it worse. Don't feel sorry for me," he says as if the idea that somebody could pity him was nauseating.
I shrug in return. "Maybe that's why I understand it," I reply. "Because it happened to me."
"It's different," he replies. "I was still allowed to go out when I finally matured, so long as I was helping my father. Once I got his trust, I was allowed to go almost anywhere with him."
"So conditional freedom?" I laugh blandly.
"Better than no freedom at all," he replies sharply, and I wince at his tone. He's trying to get the heat off him. He doesn't want to talk about himself, what ales him. So much so that he's writing it off entirely because he deems his experience at the very least better than mine. That is hardly justification enough.
"I'm free now, aren't I?" I roll my eyes, leaning away from him. "Or are you going to go ahead and insist that you think of me as property? Even though we both know you don't?"
He scoffs, his eyes flaming. "You are my property. In all semantics, you belong to me," he says hotly.
"That would be one thing if I believed you," I reply slowly. "But you're not half as cruel as you pretend to be. Insufferably rude? Without question. Difficult and hot headed? Also yes. But you aren't cruel. You don't own me. You don't want to own me. And most of all, you don't want to get attached."
He groans, taking a single pace on the tiny platform. "Is that it? You want me to be a romantic? Or you want to fix me? Is that it? Do you want to fix me up so someone will finally take care of you?" I can see his temper burning as we drift higher into the sky that swirls with storm. "You may have returned to real life, but you still haven't returned to reality."
I narrow my eyes, my fingers feeling charged. "You don't want me to pity you, Eris, but that ship has sailed. I do feel sorry for you," I seethe. Thunder claps, and Eris for the first time notices the smell of a coming storm. "I'd feel sorry for any man who never let himself dream. Who confines himself in misery in order to never lose anything. Who would rather make an enemy than a friend because who needs anyone else, right?" I laugh incredulously, Eris' hair standing on end. There's a twinge of fear in his auburn eyes. Good. "But most of all, I pity you because you are a coward, Eris Vansera. A cowing fool."
We stare at each other for a long minute, the air growing hot and electric in equal measure. "Nephele," he says finally, quiet as a flame, calm as a river. "I need you to stop the storm."
I blink, looking around. The sky is nearly black with my rage. The fabric of the balloon shakes unsteadily with the increasing wind, the platform rocking back and forth. I reach into my bones to stop it, but nothing. Nothing but cold silence, hot nerves.
I look up at Eris then, my anger dissolved into panic. If I let it storm at this altitude, I could kill us. I suppose Eris could winnow us back to ground, but what of Thesan's balloon. Eris and I will get in so much trouble.
Eris lays his gentle hand in mine, looking into my eyes with an earnest yet burning expression. "Find where it came from," he whispers, speaking of the clouds and the thunder and the lightning. "Find where it came from and put it back."
I swallow, shutting my eyes. I know where it came from, rage and passion. Eris rubs my knuckles gently, his fingers giving me the kind of butterflies that make me forget why I was even mad. It's then I can retract the anger, take back the storm. The clouds grow normal around us, friendly as I open my eyes. Eris is only inches from me now, an unreadable look on his face. "Nephele, I-"
"Take. Me. Down," I spit out, not letting my anger draw out any power. Al I can do to express it is rip my hands from him, taking a step back. "Now."
"I-" he stammers again, looking into my cold eyes. Then, he nods, backing away a few steps, refusing to look at me as he takes us back to the palace, back to the ground.