A Storm of Flames and Deceit

XXXXV. A Bit of Truth

Eris
And as usual, I'm the misfortunate sob tasked with the unfortunate fulfillment.
Lucien would take it best coming from family.
He's your brother.
Yeah. Yeah. Unload the job not even the night court is valiant enough to face onto me. That's fine. But if they insist on having me do the job, I'll be taking at least the rest of the week before I work up to doing it.
As far as they know, I'm still on my honeymoon. If I let them think it's okay for them to disrupt that for some petty errand, they will fully cease to respect me. Besides, in the back of my mind I can't ignore the burn to spend some time with Neph again, maybe sit on this plan until it stops making my stomach churn.
Which is precisely why I left with Neph on my arm not a second after we finalized the plan on how I'd tell Lucien. I was in no mood to converse with these idiots when I could be home with my wife. She didn't look particularly happy with them either- if I'm being honest. It's nice to feel like I'm not crazy for once, my feelings validated in the cold glare she gives the inner circle as we leave. A cold glare from me was expected, but a cold glare from her made them shift.
I winnow us back, reminding myself to exclude her from the wards when I get the chance so that she may practice. She huffs when we have finally returned, plopping into the couch with crossed arms. "I'm beginning to see what you mean when you say self righteous do-gooders with savior complexes," she complains. "Somehow they not only let delicate information slip to Helion- but they also make it your problem, deciding that suddenly they care about honesty."
I shrug indifferently. "I did tell them to do whatever necessary," my laugh is a bit hollow. "Of course, I thought that it might cross their mind for a second why my mother might keep a thing like that a secret from Helion and my brother."
"Is the night court not a friend of your brother's? If not for the safety of your mother, why did they keep his parentage a secret from him? It's like they stowed the information as a tool of convenience," she presses her lips together, scoffing. "Some friends they are."
"Rhysand and Feyre do love their secrets," I laugh dryly, dropping beside her on the couch. "It's no wonder so many are kept from them. Even within that inner circle they've bred."
That catches her interest. "You still haven't told me what happened between you and Morrigan," she says quietly, tucking her leg to her chest. "I don't mean to pry if it's not so easily told or if it's not something you can tell me yet securely..."
"No, it's alright," I breathe out. "I owe you some honesty, so long as you vow this never leaves us. It's a condition of the vow I took the day I renounced Mor's marriage."
"Of course," she says sensitively. "I vow it."
I nod, looking away towards a ripening apple hung in the center of the room because it's easier than looking at her. "As I told you, Mor's father promised her to me a very long time ago- promised her hand to my father, rather. The beginning bares so many similarities to our story, but it pulls apart as it draws on," I explain. "Mor didn't want marriage, so she gave her virginity to Cassian, knowing it would strike through her father's promise to mine."
She gasps softly before her eyes narrow upon me.
"Don't look at me like that," I groan. "I didn't care if she had fucked every soul in the court of nightmares or if she wore a chastity belt since birth- I didn't want her hand in marriage either way."
"Just making sure you didn't have some deflowering kink," she mumbles sarcastically, leaning back in her seat, smiling when I glare at her.
"Anyways, her father was furious that she had backed out of the marriage alliance. He wasn't kind to her- but I'll spare you the gruesome details. Just know it led her to be dumped at the border of autumn, nails in her womb."
She gasps quietly, and even I feel a bit sick.
"It was I who found her first, and the message was clear: she was still mine to do as I wished with as apology for her striking out marriage agreement," I wipe my hands on my slacks. "And with that sort of decision on my hands, I left her there at the border."
I glance at Neph, prepared to see the face of pure disappointment, but I see revulsion and vague curiosity. "Why?"
I blink. I wouldn't have blamed her to think the worst of me after hearing that, but she knew me too well. She knew there had to be a reason.
"My father..." I hesitate. "He always had an eye for Morrigan. It was a power thing. He would've liked to have her just to assert himself over me. He would've..." the words ache in my throat. "He would've had her for all he could take, and then, he would've passed her around Autumn court regardless of what she wished, probably until she died from her injuries."
Neph looks sick, but she takes my hand, squeezing encouragingly. "So you returned her to her cousin?" Her voice is so gentle.
I nod. "And I wrote in an anonymous tip to night so that they could find her sooner," I add.
"And why can't you speak of what you did for her to her family? Why must they all look at you as though you left her alone to die?"she runs her fingers over my knuckles.
"She came to me when she had healed, a month later, begged me to tell her why I did it, why I helped her. I refused to answer. I didn't want her to know that my father and I were different, but it seemed like she already knew what I had done for her," I respond. "She wasn't in a good space of mind. She told me many things she didn't mean to. Probably things that I shouldn't speak."
"If I need to hear them to understand, I can't see why you shouldn't speak them if they might help you," she says quietly, playing with my fingers. "It's not as though I'd tell anyone."
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. "She told me that she had been made pregnant by Cassian, even though they had only slept together the once," I shudder at the nausea that hits me then. "But her father had so brutalized her womb that she miscarried and undid whatever in her that could have children." Nausea pulls at my gut to even remember having that choice taken from you. I cannot even fathom.
"That poor woman," Nephele shivers, and I squeeze her hand.
"I had expressed the same feeling, but she must've been drunken because it was then that she revealed to me that she didn't want children. She never had because she always wanted a life with another woman, not a man." I admit. "Then, she made me vow not to speak of what all she had said because her family was already fragile from her and Cassian sleeping together. She thought the news of her miscarriage would've churned it even worse for all of them. I would've agreed anyways, but she threatened to tell her cousin of the disconnect between my father and I if I didn't make a vow to her."
"So then why does she allow them to think of you so illy?" She asks. "Even if she couldn't speak the full truth, she could've stopped them from thinking the worst of you."
I laugh blandly. "That's what I had hoped from her," I smile wryly. "But I was foolish because the next time I visited night, Rhysand nearly killed me for what I let happen to his cousin. When I looked to her for help, she had cowered from the truth and let me take the fall. I'm still unsure why." I never wanted Rhysand to know the depth of what I did for Mor, but I didn't quite want him to think I left her to die. Though, they all think that's what happened to this day.
I glance at her, but for once, her emotions are not written across her face, the sparkle in her eyes too vague, the part of her lips untelling. She doesn't even look at me. "I don't want you to go to my father for help," she blurts so quickly that I'm uncertain if I heard her correct.
"What?"
She clears her throat, glancing back at me, swallowing. "This plan to take your father's place, to hinge it upon my father's trust," she looks down, her eyelashes fanning across her cheeks as she chews on her lip anxiously. "It's risky. My father... what if he finds you out?"
I hesitate to speak, my mind blank and screaming only one thought: she cares. Is that what this is? Did she...
No. Our destinies are entwined. If she cares, it must only be vaguely in our mutual interest, right?
"My mother has suffered long enough," I tell her quietly. "If I have the chance to free her by putting myself at risk, I'd do it a million times. I didn't have the support then, but I do now."
"But who will free you?" She whispers, playing with the chain of my necklace, unwilling to meet my gaze.
I furrow my brow. "If I'm successful, will killing my father not free me?" It had seemed as such in my head. I would've killed him years ago if I thought Autumn could stand the transfer.
Then, she decides to meet my eyes, hers gray and sad. "The way I see it, you're just trading one abusive tyrant for the next," she says quietly, resting her hand on my chest. "I think we both know that the theft of control always stung worse than the hitting. You may be high lord then, but you will have even less power not only the court, but our lives."
"Your father won't find you," I promise, holding her hand to my chest. "You will stay here, and I promise I won't let him find you."
She smiles bitterly. "I'm not worried about my father getting to me," she whispers, squeezing my hand before she leaves the room altogether.