A Storm of Flames and Deceit

42. Sympathies

Nephele

I'm not crying, okay?

I hadn't sniffled. Tears haven't even fallen over my cheeks. Sure, my throat was dry, and sure, my eyes felt watery, but as far as I'm concerned, I'm not crying.

I could almost forget that I was his mate.

The word didn't even mean a thing to me. All I knew was the love I felt for him, my devotion for him. All I knew is that I had never felt anything like this in my life.

Mate was a word I didn't know the meaning of. Nesta tried to describe it to me once, but even she said she couldn't put it in words. It was unquantifiable, indescribable, and- if you're me- unattainable.

Why hadn't the bond snapped into place?

I had kissed him more times than I could count. He had pushed my body into impossible highs. I have stripped my emotions bald for him. I've cried to him. I've laughed to him. I've felt nearly everything with him, and I always wake in his arms the next morning to a better day.

Am I broken? Would I even know if the bond snapped into place? Will I ever know the feeling?

Mates are sacred to the Autumn court. I think I had known that for awhile now, but it was different to hear it on his voice. Here, people go to war for their mates, they would spill blood for the burn of that passion, they'd part seas, move mountains, brew the clouds.

I knew the feeling of the devotion. I knew the feeling in my love for Eris, but I feel it missing within me, like a breath I can't catch. A star I can't reach.

I already have more than enough with him, but I feel so greedy. I want it all, and damnit, I almost have it all.

Almost.

I nearly run into a curved figure in the hallway, her gasping in sharp fear, clutching her chest. I look down at the woman, fiery red hair, difference that Lucien and Eris, pouring down her back. Olive skin, alert eyes. Her body was curved beautifully, full beneath the skirts of her gorgeous red dress.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you," I apologize. I can imagine how jarring it might be to run into some total stranger in your own house. "I'm Lucien's sister in law. You must be Vassa."

Recognition flares in her, and her startled face brightens. "By the cauldron, you must be Nephele, then," she smiles. "I didn't realize you were so beautiful. What did that grouch do to deserve you?"

"Good to see you again too, Vassa," Eris says irritably, startling me. I hadn't realized he had approached me from behind. Maybe if the bond had snapped into place, I'd be more attuned to him.

Vassa rolls her eyes. "You know I only mean to make sure that you're playing nice," she replies. "You were the one who made me realize that Lucien's attitude must run in the family. You know us red-heads can't help ourselves."

I laugh to myself. "I'm sure the fire doesn't help," I reply.

"No it doesn't," Vassa smirks. "But Lucien tells me you bring the rain?"

I nod. "I do what I can."

"Good," another voice chimes. A man walking through the doorway.... a human man. I'm not sure I had ever seen one up close. "We could use it with all the hot-heads under this roof."

Vassa raises a brow. "I have a curse," she says, tilting her head. "What's your excuse?"

Jurian rolls his eyes, turning to me. "Paint a picture. It'll last longer."

I blink. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stare. It's just... I've never seen a human before-"

"It's alright, Kid," he waves me off as if he's not the mortal here. As if I'm not centuries old. It's strangely comforting. "You're from the island right?"

"I am."

"My apologies then," he replies easily. "That place is hell on Earth."

I laugh. "You've been?"

He quirks a slight grin that doesn't meet his eyes. "A few times."

"Oh, good," Lucien says, coming up behind us. "You've all met now."

Vassa rolls her eyes. "Stay for lunch-I'm begging," she tells me. "Lucien never brings anyone back here-lest of all girls. It'd be nice to hear someone other than these two idiots while I'm trying to eat."

I laugh. "At your service. I happen to love the sound of my own voice a good bit," I tell her, following her into the dining room.

...

"Is Jurian always that quiet?" I ask Eris as we leave. Vassa had been plenty talkative, maybe even more talkative than me. Definitely the friendliest of the three of them. But Jurian had hardly said anything beyond, replying when words were directed at him, quietly eating his lunch.

Eris shrugs. "Pretty much," he answers. "It's my understanding that he's always like that around people he feels apprehensive towards, including- but not limited to- strangers like you and people like me."

I click my tongue. "People like you?"

"You know... those who aren't the most trustworthy," he answers. "Humans are quite wary of trusting fae."

"Who could blame them?" I shiver as we winnow into the tree house. "On the island, people used to hunt humans down for sport and either force them to serve or... force them to do other things. It was cruel practice. Surely they inherit the trauma of their ancestors." That and Jurian had certainly had many run-ins with my people, the people of the island. I'm only surprised that he can stand to be around Lucien who is just as fae as anyone.

"Jurian was a general for the human world, a good one," Eris reminds me. "I'd be disappointed if he acted warmly, even to you."

I shrug. Fair enough. It's not like I care if he trusts me. I just find him fascinating. Actually speaking to a human... it's jarring. So jarring because in so many ways, they are like us. I can't understand how Hybern or any of the nobles could keep human slaves.

For how terrible my father is, he never kept human slaves. It was out of a place of mercy- he just thought humans were dirty, like swine. He said they couldn't be trusted because they had so little to live for, that they could turn on the household in an instant like the vermin they are.

If I hadn't decided at a young age to oppose my father in every respect, I might feel the same way as him. That scares me: the possibility that I could've had such a prejudice. It turns my stomach, in fact.

"Trust me," Eris interrupts my thoughts. "The last thing a man like Jurian would want is your sympathies."

"I can't help it," I frown. "I'm a deeply sympathetic person. It's like a sickness in me."

He laughs, leaning down to kiss my cheek. "I know you are," he murmurs. "Now let's focus those sympathies into figuring out what to do about my brother."

A/N:
Yo sorry it took so long for these chapters. I had written a bulk of them and ended up HATING the direction I was starting to point the story in and the pace of it all. I knew I wanted to binge dump so here we are. Things are definitely getting interesting conflict wise. I kinda like the idea of exploring more of Lucien's life and all his friends to highlight how different him and Eris are, and I think it's so fun that his relationship with Eris as a brother gets to develop in tandem to Lucien's brotherly relationship to Neph. Anyways, more to come!!!