A Storm of Flames and Deceit

XXXIII. Reversion

Eris
And just like that I've reverted to a sullen child who is damn near pitching a tantrum because he doesn't want to go home. The wedding will be in three days, and I'm half tempted to take Nephele and winnow her away from it all, just to give her a shot at the freedom she deserves.
But neither of us will leave without revenge- I know that. And I'm not sure I'm strong enough to make such a sacrifice. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to pull away from her.
It doesn't matter.
I will marry my mate in three days, and taking her home brings me a step closer to that end goal. So why aren't I pleased? The answer is deeply self deprecating and sad, so I decide not to think of it.
Instead, I armor up, stealing a few moments in my wardrobe to put on my best clothes before facing the foxes' den. My blazer is a deep shade of Ruby, structured and embroidered in gold, matching the Ruby of my trousers and the gold of my loafers. As usual, the flouncy undershirt I wear is only half buttoned, allowing a glimpse at my garnet chain. Smoothing my hair, I leave my chambers to find Neph.
She is already dressed by the time I knock on her door, scowling at her formal style, long sleeved gown in the mirror. The shade of plum was suitable for a funeral, and she's just about as covered as the day I met her. It's unsettling to see her so repressed again, even if it's a necessary illusion on the road to us getting revenge on our fathers.
A necessary illusion to keep her safe.
"Excited?" I ask dryly as she scowls at her reflection.
"Pissing myself with eagerness," she replies, hugging a grand sigh before turning to me. "Alright, let's get it over with."
"That's the spirit," I say, taking her arm in mine, leading us back outside to the winnowing point.
"Just tell me that when you're High Lord I can stop dressing like a grandmother," she mutters to me, uncharacteristically sour today- not that I blame her. "Tell me that, and maybe I can make it to the wedding without striking the entire palace down with lightning."
I feel a compelling urge to cheer her up- which I have never felt before. If I'm being honest, I've always been the grump in the dynamic. I didn't like to see her dulled. "Maybe I like you dressed like a Grandmother," I tease, nudging her a bit.
She smiles at the ground, squinting up at me in the sunlight as we reach the outside. "No you don't," she wrinkles her nose. "You hate when I dress like this."
"I do," I confirm with a snort. "But you pull off the whole Grandmother Look pretty well- all things considered."
"Thanks," she replies merrily. "Are we ever going to quit walking?"
We reached the winnowing point several paces ago. I'm just delaying. "I thought if we kept walking, we might get lucky and walk off the face of the world," I admit, and she snorts, taking my hand.
"Come on," she groans, squeezing my fingers. "I'll do the honors."
I give in with a sigh, half hoping that her second time winnowing since freedom fails and we end up in the middle of the woods or something like that. Unfortunately, we land right at the winnowing point for autumn, our fathers so patiently waiting for us. It gives me whiplash how quickly my face switches from warm to cold, hers undergoing a not dissimilar change.
"Finally," Beron groans impatiently. "I was starting to think you two got found out."
I could nearly laugh because- fortunately- we did.
"No sir," I say simply. "We were just making our formal goodbyes to Helion before we departed."
My father nods in the slightest suggestion of approval- the most I'll get from him. That's why Neph and I were sent anyway: to win approval. He thinks we've won his favor to the others.
But we've only won our own.
"Your mother needs the both of you at rehearsal," Fergus adds, not looking as though he even cares that his daughter was finally home. Not that I expected him to. "You are to meet with her in the ceremony room, immediately."
"Oh, fuck me," Neph murmurs under her breath, and I don't miss Ferguson sharply glance her way.
"What was that?" He echoes, daring her to speak it in.
She has her father's eyes, gray and shining with the same challenge. When I pinch her elbow, she blinks the fire away. "Nothing," she replies in our best interest, swallowing her pride. "I didn't say anything."
Pride shines in Fergus' eyes to win a battle his daughter never even wanted to fight, and he turns to my father. "I had my doubts, but it seems your son has truly whipped her into shape. I'm impressed," he tells my father.
I nearly gag in revulsion. I'm mortified that he mistook anything about that interaction to be me being at all how he is to her. Thinking about it makes me want to drive a knife through my hand so that no one can ever believe such a thing again, but I suppose I don't mind so long as Neph knows I'd never hurt her.
She knows that... right?
My father beams with pride- which should satisfy me, but instead I feel dirtied and angry. I could scorch a forest right now. This isn't good. I only just got back, and I'm already on edge. I know I'm so frazzled because of what's at stake, because I'm conspiring against my father, because I could lose my legacy, because I could lose my mate, but I need to get it together.
"We should go," I grumble, taking Neph's arm. "We shouldn't keep your mother waiting." No, we should toss her in a cellar, see how she likes it.
Neph nods, letting me lead her away gladly. "This is good," she whispers quietly. "Our fathers want to see you be rough with me. They want to see you put me in my place. If you keep up the illusion, they will be more than pleased with you. It will be much easier to work under their noses." She says it so quietly that hardly I can hear, not risking a thing.
I'm not sure if I can be rough with you, I nearly say. I can taste the admission on my tongue so sharply that I have to bite it. "Okay," I breathe out, the words tasting far less sweet. "I can do rough."
She winks at me cutely, laughing under her breath. "I had been hoping just as much, Hot Stuff."
I fight the urge then to pull her into a closet and do just as she suggests. To show her just how rough I can be.
But my mother stops us before I can even ponder the idea anymore. She doesn't hug me first. No, it is Neph who she wraps her arms around instantly, pulling her from me. It all makes so much sense now. My mate would be my perfect match. Of course my mother loves her.
"Nephele, darling," she coos quietly, always looking over shoulders for Beron. Luckily, Beron and Fergus were off to the refuge of soldiers- I believe. I think that's why they were at the winnowing point awaiting us. "It's so good to see you."
"Missed you too, Delia," Neph squeezes my mother back, reciprocating in full. "Cherkov sends his regards."
Mother laughs warmly. "Yes, he wrote me all about his new muse," she smiles softly. "You'll have a new wardrobe of Cherkov originals by the end of the year."
"Oh fantastic," Neph chuckles, half sarcastic. Mother just gushes, sweeping Neph's braids out of her face.
"I just missed you so much, Dear- you have to tell me everything about your trip-"
I clear my throat. "What is it Eris?" Mother says impatiently. Neph seems amused, crossing her arms and facing me.
"Yes," she says, tilting her head. "What is it Eris?"
I roll my eyes. "Good to see you too, Mother," I say, chuckling. "I only meant to remind Neph that we have somewhere to be right now."
Neph groans. "You really know how to suck the joy from a perfectly happy reunion, Eris," she raises a teasing brow.
"I'm so terribly sorry to interrupt your reunion with my mother, Sweetheart, but- as you know- your mother is expecting us," I remind her.
She rolls her eyes, turning from me to hug my mother one last time. "I'll seek you out later- I promise," she whispers.
My mother just waved her hand in nonchalance. "Oh, don't worry over it," she chides. "I'm just glad you're both home."
That makes one of us.
Still, despite hating it here, I am glad to see my mother again. Glad she's not alone in this awful palace anymore, but hell, I hate it all. I hate it so much sometimes that I can't think of much else besides the hate.
That is... until Nephele came along. It's sickening how she could take my hateful black heart and simply... polish it. Clean off the tar around the organ. Make it shiny and pink, beating for her. Around her, I don't feel so hateful. No, I feel...
No.
I won't say I love her- not even in my head. It's too soon. I shouldn't feel this way yet. It's been only a month since I've met her. I can't- I shouldn't-
No.
I won't say I love her.
Even if she's my mate, I'm moving too fast. What if I burn out of her? I never want to burn out of her. Maybe it's different. Maybe she's different because she's my mate. I know she's different.
I know it.
But what if I'm not different? What if I was lucky enough to get the best person I've ever met to be my mate, and I ruin it? It's not like I deserve her. It's not like it makes any rational sense for her to ever love me back.
But I'd promised I'd tell her.
I had promised in time, but I had promised nonetheless.
I never had been too great at keeping promises- which is probably why I don't make them all that often. But I'll be different for her. I'll keep her promises. I'll be the man she deserves, even if I'm not convinced such a man could exist.
...
Author's Note:
Y'all I'm so sorry- it has been a while. I moved into college this week and it's been crazy trying to make friends and whatnot. But hey- if anyone cares- it's going great. Anyways, I start classes but I should be able to start getting chapters out soon- I honestly hit a wall with returning to Fall, but I'm excited to write the wedding that's coming up. Anyways, thanks for all the support- ya girl loves the validation.