A Storm of Flames and Deceit

XXXXIII. Substantiation

Eris
"You do so love your riddles," she grumbles, slipping to her feet. "What exactly do you mean by that? Home?"
I chuckle. She likes to keep me on my toes, insisting on knowing every small detail, even if I'm rarely the forthcoming, elaborating type. "I had this residence built in secret a century and a half ago," I tell her, rolling to my feet. "It's location is a secret to all my family but my mother. I have it as a safe hold in any case that my father should snap or our kingdom should fall, but I also take residence here when I'm off of my courtly duties. This is where I reside most of the year."
She briefly looks surprised before she shakes her head in teasing disapproval. "Well, aren't you just full of surprises, Eris Vansera," she laughs, rubbing her forearm through her shirt mindlessly.
"How are you feeling?" I ask gingerly, thinking better of taking a step forward to touch her skin. "With the faebane and all."
"It's fine," she laughs evasively, shrugging. "It doesn't really hurt. I just hate how... powerless I feel. It's too familiar."
I nod quietly. When I had first seen her in the consummation chamber, she looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. That's why I kissed her so quickly. I wanted to get it over with for her so that we could come back here and everything would be alright. Little did I know that it wasn't just her fear of me during the ceremony that had her distressed.
Still, I can't forget the terror on her face as I ripped my belt off, as she tried to shove me off her and I forced myself to stay, as she frantically whispered my name, begging me for mercy in ways that even I'm not sick enough to get off on.
I swallow. "After we sort out all this Helion mess, Lucien has volunteered to resume your combat and strength training," I inform her, and she smiles.
"I missed him at the wedding," she admits, knowing why he couldn't be there. "But I'm sure we'll be seeing him soon enough with this whole Helion mess."
I sigh. "I'm sure you're right," I push the stressful thought away for another time, knowing how angry Lucien will be when he finds out. "But he's not the only one who offered to train with you."
She frowns, tilting her head cutely. "What are you talking about?"
"Rhysand and Feyre have a growing legion of female fighters called the Valkyries," I tell her. If I'm being honest, she fits the bill perfectly. She's a fierce woman who has endured a great injustice. "They have invited you to train with them whenever you wish."
She laughs, leaning against the wall like she truly couldn't stand how ridiculous the notion was. "I'm sure it's purely about training, not about keeping me and you under the night court's nose," she rolls her eyes, putting up a good point. "Still, I'm sure I'd like to meet them all, maybe train with them for a couple days to learn some alternate techniques, but I have absolutely no interest in joining a legion. Certainly not a legion of night."
I'm surprised to find myself relieved. The thought of losing her to night sickens me, but if she wanted it, I'm not sure I could stop her. Still, curiosity befalls me. "Why is that?"
She shrugs. "I like the idea of being able to defend myself, but I'm no soldier of combat. I like where I am right now, and I find that, sometimes, diplomacy cuts deeper than the blade- even if I'm still learning," she says quietly. "I've been called to the fight, but I don't live for it. For all I've inherited from my father about combat and strategy and violence, I think I'm more suited politics, funny enough."
She steals my breath. I shouldn't be so surprised every time my mate proves to be my perfect match, and yet... "I knew I married you for a reason," I say, and it's hardly a joke. She laughs anyway, looking around.
"Aren't you going to give me the tour?" She raises a brow, but I shake my head.
"Tomorrow," I tell her. "You look tired, and our home looks better in the daylight anyway." Our might be my new favorite word.
She nods, yawning. She looks too damn good wearing my shirt. I might put in a suggestion that she only wears my clothes from here on out. "I suppose we'll need our wits about us if we're to face Helion in that meeting," she smiles wryly. "Something tells me that he didn't appreciate missing his only child growing up."
I laugh hollowly, but it's a bit sad to think of. Lucien could've had such a good life if he had been raised away from her by Helion and mother. Instead, he was met with the brutality of a father that wasn't even his. The abuse was my blood right, but it wasn't my half brother's. "Just wait until we have to tell Lucien," I smile, ignoring the guilt that twists in my heart for a decision I didn't even make. "His temperament is purely autumn. Worse than mine, even."
She snorts, raising a teasing brow. "Somehow I doubt that."
I roll my eyes, nodding my head in indication. "The bathroom is through that door," I tell her. "And my bedroom is down the hall if you need anything." I look back to her, curious to find her briefly fumbling for breath, looking confused and a bit disappointed. I couldn't say why.
Soon after, her face is neutral again as she nods. "I suppose I'll see you in the morning, then," she says quietly, shifting her weight on her feet. It's cute when she gets awkward and uncertain, so rare. Smiling, I approach the door, stopping as I pass by her to kiss her brow. I'm not sure where we are now, but I don't think I would've slept at all tonight if I hadn't done at least that.
"Goodnight, Neph," I say, barely finding the strength to get my feet moving again.
"Night," she squeaks a whisper when I have just passed the threshold of the door, headed for my bedroom. She's being weird, right? Who could tell- she's probably just tired.
As I trudge to my room, I shake the urge to turn around and tell her everything. To tell her how much she matters to me. How badly I want her. How badly I want her to fall asleep in my arms tonight. Every night.
Until death do us part.
I replace that desire with the affirmation that I am home. I'm home, and I'm married to my mate. I'm married to the best person I've ever met. I'm married to the love of my life, even if she doesn't know it. I have nearly everything I've ever wanted.
Nearly.
But those wants that remain seem so unsubstantial now that I have her. I feel fulfilled in ways I never thought of possible.
I know I'll find rest easily tonight, not even by my undeniable exhaustion. I could find true peace in the fact that I know for certain she is safe tonight under this roof. Under our roof. And even if she doesn't love me how I love her, I find nothing but happiness in that pit in my chest where my heart should be. I have had such an evasive experience with the feeling,  and now, it's all I know.
As I strip off my pants and shoes and fall into my bed, my lips curl into a smile when my face hits the pillow, and I dream that her body is sleeping next to mine, curled into my chest how it had been last night, rain hitting the window panes.