OFFSTAGE (Suspire Series #2)

Kabanata 16

Although the clouds were dark, it probably isn't going to rain. My skin has been being brushed by a cool, smooth air. I was relieved to be wearing a white wrap jumpsuit. Kaya hindi ako masyadong nalalamigan. My hair was half-ponytailed, and I wore very little makeup.

Hawak ko ang folder na pinadala noon ni Mama sa boutique. Hindi ko alam kung gagana ba ang ideya na naisip ko pero iyon lang ang paraan na pumasok sa kukute ko sa mahigit na dalawang linggo na pag-iisip.

My phone rings.

"She's on her way," Lake reported. He volunteered to accompany me today. Nasa front gate sila nang cemetery at hihintayin niyang matapos ako sa agenda ko.

I let out a heavy sigh. "Thank you," I said. sincerely. "Really, for everything," I added.

"You're welcome," he replied before hanging up.

Alam ni Lake ang plano ko. Sinabi ko na sa kaniya ang tungkol roon bago palang ako mag-present ng proposal ko sa boards. Tinulungan niya akong i-point out ang mga possibleng mangyari sa plano ko. Dahil desidido na ako ay wala siyang nagawa kung hindi ang i-process ang mga papeles at titulo na kailangan. Binasa ko lahat ng 'yon bago pinirmahan.

Naghintay pa ako ng ilang minuto nang marinig ang kaluskus ng mga bermuda grass, senyales na may paparating. Nilingon ko ang tagiliran ko at nakita si Mama na naglalakad papalapit.

Humarap ako sa kaniya nang makalapit siya. Pinanood ko siya habang nilalapag sa gilid ng lapida ni Papa ang bulaklak na dala niya at tinabi 'yon sa mga bulaklak na dala ko kanina.

She stands tall and has a blank expression on her face as she faces me. At the very least, she's no longer angry with me now. Because that's how I've always been treated. She's always upset, and she's slapped me on the face for doing what I thought was right. Mabuti sa ngayon hindi ganoon.

Her alluring brown eyes, button nose, and square-shaped features were all gifted to me. The rest I got from my father. My bow-shaped lips and light brown complexion. I'd inherited a lot of physical assets from Mom, but I've never seen her be proud of it.

She will never be.

I offered her a weak smile. "Thank you for coming to see me here. This isn't going to take long," I said it casually. Her attention was drawn to the folders I was holding. She's only coming to see me for this reason.

I shifted my gaze away from her and observed Papa's gravestone, where his name was inscribed. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang itanong kay Mama 'to habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Natatakot ako sa magiging sagot. Kahit na alam ko naman kung anong dapat kong asahan.

Bago ang lahat gusto ko munang maliwanagan at intindihin ang lahat. "All I want to know is why," I said slowly. "How come you've never treated me like a daughter?"

It took twenty-nine years, I finally asks her those question.

"There should be no daughter in the first place."

Mahina ang pagkakasabi niya ngunit sapat na para marinig ko. I shot a painful glance at her.

Her eyes doesn't show any hesitation. She said it as if she were simply responding to the most basic historical query. Na mas madali pa 'yong tanong ko kesa sa one plus one.

It felt like someone stabbed me in the chest, right in the middle of my heart. Parang hinahati ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. Masakit. Kahit nasa haparan kami ng puntod ni Papa, nasabi pa rin niya 'yon ng walang kahirap-hirap. Hindi man lang inisip kung ano ang mararamdaman ko.

Ginusto ko naman ding malaman kaya siguro kasalanan ko na rin kung bakit ako nasasaktan. Sabi nga nila, masakit malaman ang totoo. Pero mas masakit 'yong wala kang ka-alam-alam kung bakit. Kung bakit hindi ka minahal. Kung bakit hindi ka inalagaan. Kung bakit hindi ka importante.