The Beauty of Letting Go

Chapter 32

Pagod akong nakauwi sa condo unit ko. Namamaga ang mga mata at tila gulay na nalanta. Pero hindi ko rin maitatanggi na nakatulong ang pag punta ko sa simbaha. Gumaan ang ang pakiramdam ko kahit papano.

I took a bath and let the water flows as my tears fall. Sa totoo lang hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Literal na walang laman ang utak ko. It was like being froze by pain.

My heart is being froze by pain. One of my most hated person was being heartless and insensitive and I am afraid that I became one of them. So I tried so hard to bare the pain until it hurts no more.

Lumipas ang ilang araw na hindi ako tumatanggap ng trabaho. I also message my manager that I need time for myself and I am facing a problem dealing myself. I don't even know her reply because I turned my phone off.

I never talk to anyone nor seeing them. Weeks after I remember something. A gift from Asher. But I forgot where I put it so I tried to search for it.

Hinanap ko siya sa closet ko but I failed. Hinalughug ko na rin ang mga bagay na pwede kong pagtaguan 'non pero wala talaga.

I open the safe were I gathered and kept everything he gave, years ago. Parang bumalik saakin ang mga ala-ala ng nakaraan nang buksan ko iyon.

There was a picture frame with our picture on it. A box of necklace. His t-shirts and hoodies that still smells like him.

Meron pang mga dried roses, daisies, and some flowers. Hindi ko tinapon lahat ng iyon. Everytime he gave me a flower, I would always got one to keep. Nakalagay iyon sa isang glass box. I personalized it and engraved his Hebrew name on it which means 'happy' and 'blessed'.

After all, he is my happiness and a blessing to me. I hope he knew that. I smile sadly and tried to search the paper bag but there's none.

Bumuntog hininga ako at tumunganga sa pader. I can't remember trowing it like what he said. I can't do that either. Baka wala rito iyon, baka naiwan ko sa mansyon.

Nakanguso akong tumayo at pabagsak na humiga sa kama ko. Napaigik ako nang may mahigaan ako na kung ano. Inis ko iyong kinapa at para naman akong tangang tumalon talon nang ma realize na iyon ang hinahanap ko.

"I was so close of crying again tapos nandito ka lang pala," i whispered on it like a it was like a dog.

"Open it when you're sad or feeling alone."

Naglalaro sa isip ko ang mga katagang iyon ni Asher habang nakatingin sa itim na paper bag. I felt both alone and sad. Maybe I deserve to open his gift now.

Nanlamig ang kamay ko noong nilabas ko iyon sa paper bag. It was ocean blue velvet box with a silver ribbon above. Sa ibabang bahagi naman ay may naka-attached na letter. Nakatiklop iyon para magkasiya sa maliit na espasyo ng nilalagyan 'non,

Reign,

The ocean of my land,
The sun of my skies,
The brightest star of my starry night,
My rainbow after the rain,
My airglow.

This thing belongs to you, love. I didn't have the chance and courage to give it while bending my knee and ask you the question that makes us bond forever.

When you read it I know you're sad but let my undying love to be with your side when my presence is absent.

Be happy.

Always find a reason to keep fighting because that's who you are. And I admire you for being so strong. It's okay, everything will be alright. I can't wait to see you shine even more.

Until our next eclipse, my love.

Sincerely, Asher.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko habang pilit na kinakalma ang sarili ko. Reading this makes me miss him so much and I want to hug him even more.