Words Left Unsaid

Words left unsaid: Nia

Hey, I know that I'm probably the last person you wanna talk to right now but I just wanted to apologise, I haven't been there for you.  I'm sorry I left, I was going through something and I know it's no excuse for just leaving you dry like that . I'm sorry Nia and I hope you can forgive me.

I stared at the text on my phone, I read it over and over again and the more I read it the angier I got.

He always does this. I knew I shouldn't have forgiven him the first time but I grew attached to Trent and that's why it was so hard for me to let him go.

I spent hours trying to figure out just how I was going to respond because I know if I did respond to him right after I saw the message, it wouldn't be nice and I'm better than that honestly.

I looked at my phone, took a deep breath and wrote my response:

Trent, it's the fourth time you've done this . Don't you think I deserve better than a half ass apology which probably isn't gonna be relevant by next month . I care about you, I really do and I'm sorry about all the things you're going through . But I can't let go of the fact that you keep on doing this . I deserve better than this, whatever we were was toxic . I want to be there for you but you keep on pushing me away and I've finally gotten the hint now . Goodbye Trent, I hope whatever you're going through doesn't last long .

I pressed send and when I did, it felt like this huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders .

I knew I wasn't completely over him but it's one step closer to it.

I'm tired.

Tired of feeling used and that's what it was like with Trent. The first time he did his whole disappearing act,I forgave him,pretended like nothing happened and just carried on like usual.

Then he did it again and again and each time it hurt me even more cause it was like the moment we got closer , he pushed me away.

I get it that he was going through his own problems but that didn't mean I should just take his emotional abuse.

And that's what it was, he never changed and that's what hurt me the most.

I thought that maybe we could've been something real but now I kinda just feel like it's all in my head ya know.

I guess another thing that kept me attached to him was the fact that we have so many memories together.

He was my drug and I was his but now I know that I simply just wasn't the one he wanted.

He has a lot of growing up to do and right now,I don't think I can ever really let him in again which I'm prouf of myself for.

His back and forth was seriously messing with me and I can't handle that, not anymore.

Amd especially now that I know that I really do deserve better than him. I can't ever hurt myself like that again