Words Left Unsaid

Words left unsaid: Jude

Alex King

That's his name,my bestfriend and not to mention the boy I've always been in love with.

Alex and I have always been friends every since we were kids. I remember when I first moved to town and I was the new kid in the 3rd grade,I felt left out,alone but it wasn't until he came into my life that it all changed.

While I was busy sitting at the back of the class doodling on a piece of paper as everybody else talked to their friends, I felt lonely .

I was never a socialite,I always kept to myself,I was never a good person nor was I a bad one,I was just me , just darkness.

Yet he was my light,he lit up my world from the moment he came to introduce himself to me and said that we'd be best friends forever . I didn't believe at first but now I do.

Alex was always there for me,he understood me, he made me feel alive...

We were so different,fire and ice . I'm sure you can tell who the ice was.

Alex was beautiful not only inside and out but he had a dark mind too,I guess that's another reason I was drawn to him, he had his own darkness yet he still managed to shine so bright and I admired him for that.

Whereas I never wanted to show my emotions and I was the most vulnerable when I was by myself,Alex never failed to show his emotions . I think it's from that,that I know he's stronger than I'll ever be.

He was the reason I realised I was gay . When we started going through puberty and Alex lost his youthful charm, it turned into a boyish charm that I found myself compelled by.

He was always lean but with a bit more muscle ,thanks to swimming whereas I just liked to work out so I had a bigger build than him but we never really cared about that.

He was supportive of me too, when I was 15 and I came out to him, he told me he was proud of me and in that moment I realised that my admiration for him was actually love.

And then it all made sense

How I'd constantly wanna be around him ,how his vanilla scent brought me peace and his touch could keep me sane,how I'd often find myself staring at him and wonder what it would be like to kiss him,how even when I felt the world had turned against me he was there to show me that I had someone to lean on and that it was never the world against me but that it was me against myself. Alex made me see myself in a way I never had.

I've never told him how I felt though, it's senior year and all I've been doing is trying to build up the courage to confess to him.

But the thought of me ruining our friendship held me back because I knew if I lost Alex I'd lose myself in the coldness if my own heart.

I know there will come a day where I do tell him how I feel,I actually think I'll do it on his birthday and I pray to whatever may listen to me that it will go well.