Blood and Water - The Darkling

Chapter 7: Decisions Decisions

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"𝕬𝖑𝖊𝖐𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗, what in the Saints name was going through your head up there?" I ask as I storm into our cabin.

He doesn't turn towards me, just sits at the desk staring out of the porthole. The other chair is tipped over on the floor. With a huff, I straighten it and sit down. When my lover finally looks over to me his face is blank but I sense a trickle of his sadness.

I stare into his eyes and to my surprise I see longing and loneliness reflecting there. With a sigh, I calmly inquire, "What did my sister say to you?"

The Darkling just tilts his head, "The usual. I'm arrogant, blinded by ambition, and evil. All true."

"Aleksander," I huff. "I know that there's more."

My lover studies me but remains silent.

Mother. Love. Redemption.

His thoughts are choppy but I understand enough, "She mentioned Baghra didn't she?"

"Yes," he sighs. "Apparently she loves me and believes I can be redeemed."

"And the thought of that being true hurts?"

The Darkling lets out a single cold laugh, "Nothing can 'hurt' me."

I groan, "Aleksander, I know you. You can fake pretty much anything but not to me. I sense the truth."

"And what do you sense, Svetlana?"

"My twin's words caused sadness because you know she's right," I elaborate. "But you hate that. You hate that even someone like you can find redemption. A part of you wants that and no matter how much you try, you can't destroy it."

"Lana-"

"I'm not done," I interrupt. "Aleksander, despite everything you are still human. Even though the ages have hardened you, you still have emotions. Maybe you don't want redemption but you are capable of feeling sadness, longing, loneliness. It doesn't make you weak."

"Yes, it does," the Darkling replies softly. "I don't want any of those things in my life, Lana."

I sigh again, "But maybe you need them."

He stands and walks over to me. As he towers above me, he says, "The only thing I need in life is you. Moya zvezda, you are my redemption. You are my cure to loneliness. You are the only thing I long for."

I chuckle and cross my legs, "And power. Don't forget that. Or pretty words for that matter."

Aleksander holds out his hand, "I suppose I 'need' those things too."

My own palm reaches out towards him but I hover it a breath away. My gaze hardens as I meet his, "If you want to keep me, remember this. Do not ever intentionally harm my twin or even an army of nichevo'ya wouldn't be able to protect you from my wrath."

The Darkling nods, so I place my hand in his and allow him to pull me up.

Only the future knows if my trust in him is deserved.

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Well done, Aleksander. Everyone on board hates us now. The crew is restless and watchful, for good reason. A slight against their captain is one against them. Luckily, they seem to trust me for the most part. My display of defiance against the Darkling is remembered by all. Sometimes I even get nods of respect from those that pass. The Grisha, despite their loyalty, are growing tired of the slow progress. I hear them muttering amongst themselves when they think I can't hear them.