Hurt and Ruined - Healed and Loved

What She Feels for Me

Takes place during The Queen of Nothing. This is the very last part, before the epilogue... so I guess there are some spoilers. 

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I feel nothing. Nothing other than the urge to kill. I can't remember, though I feel there is something important about the woman walking towards me.

She takes step after tentative step, to me, and I hiss at her, trying to remember what was it about her that entranced me so.

"Cardan," The word is barely audible as it fell from her lips. The object in her hand brightens in response. 

My head snaps up and I scrutinize her. 

"It's Jude," She says and her voice breaks as if she's sad. Why would she be sad? "Jude. You like me, remember? You trust me."

Jude. I remember that name. And I trusted her. I slither towards her as fast as I can. There was something about her that made me want to get as close to her as possible. 

She throws up her hands, shielding her face as if scared and I stop. Had I scared her? But why would I be scary? Why can't I remember?

She looks at me with terror. Then slowly, step by step, she walks towards me hesitantly. She stares at me and all I can do is stare back.

"I do love you," She whispers. "I will always love you." And with those words, she reaches back and draws a sword. I don't understand what she is going to do. Is she going to kill me? 

She closed her eyes for a moment before opening them and swinging her sword in a wide arch. 

For a glorious minute, I feel nothing. I am nothing. 

My eyes open. I look down at myself. I'm not wearing any garments. There is blood all over me. So much blood.

I can hear people screaming. I can hear swords clashing and arrows hissing. 

I step out of the safe darkness of the dead serpent and into the light. 

"The curse is broken. The king King has returned." I say, my voice echoing through the now silent hall. 

And then I see Jude, see her running towards me and straight into my arms. I hold her, trembling. She is safe. 

A  guard approaches me and I let go of Jude reluctantly. The soldier offers me a cloak and I wave my hand, dismissing him. 

"I haven't worn anything in days," I say lazily "I don't see why I should start now."

"Modesty?" Jude asks, playing along, though I can tell her smile is forced. 

"Every part of me is a delight," I say with a smile, hiding my thoughts behind it.

Grima Mog comes up to Jude. "Your Majesty. Do I have leave to chain your father?"

I can see Jude hesitating so I answer for her. "Yes. Chain him."

I am led to a carriage where finally, I get to be alone with Jude. I slump in the carriage, allowing my posture and my mask to come down. There are no prying eyes anymore. It's just me and Jude. Jude and I.

"How long have I..." I trail off, not sure how to put what I have been in words.

"Not even three days. Barely any time at all." Jude responds, looking at me with an expression I cannot identify. Three days. I do not tell her how long it has seemed.