trittany

eight

i woke up to the bright sun shining into my own room. i opened my eyes and squinted, inspecting my room and taking everything in. something was off. i smelt that warm, honey but musky smell. i only knew it was trevor. i turned around in my bed and let out a squeak when i saw his large body laying there, sleeping. his dark eyelashes were perfectly curled. his hair that he combed properly, looked a little improper and his mouth was almost curved into a smile. he was so peaceful and beautiful. i suddenly longed to hear his voice and hear him talk to me and maybe even kiss me. i reached my arm to his shoulder and slowly shook him. his eyes slowly flutters open and squinted at me.

"mornin'" i said quietly as he looked up at me.

"hey, did i scare you?" he asked resting the back of his hand on his forehead.

"a bit. why are you here?" i asked him playing with the hem of his shirt.

"i actually got scared. it's kind of embarrassing. but it's a long story."

he spoke in his deep morning voice and i loved that he looked right into my eyes when he talked. it was like he only wanted to talk to one person. me.

"i have all day, you can tell me a story,"

"okay. it happened two years ago actually. i decided to go to a club kind of thing with some friends. i met a girl there and we like weren't officially dating but we acted like it i guess. we were only together for three weeks, don't worry. but she came over one day and she used me. she had sex with me and then later she told me it was just practise for her boyfriend. she had a boyfriend. i didn't even love her, yet really like her. we weren't even officially dating. i just felt like i wasted time on a useless hoe. so a few weeks later, i saw her in a corner store and she wanted me as her boyfriend. i just walked away but she followed me to my house. she kept talking to me and texting me and getting a hold of me. it scared me. i didn't want her in my life because of the bad mistake i made before with her. it was so horrible. she'd ring my doorbell in the middle of the night and stuff. i was just...scared."

his story was actually so scary. i never knew he had a [half] kind of girlfriend or relationship before me. i never knew he lost his virginity. it was all just scary? but it was a bit adorable how he got scared and came to my house.

"babe, nothing to worry about. you're with me now. i'd never so such a thing with you. i love you and the last thing i'd wanna do is scare you." i soothed.

"i forgot to tell you, you looked beautiful in your sleep. i must've watched you for an hour. you were just so goddamn perfect britt."

"i love you." i said planting a kiss on his lips.

**

it was snowing outside. loose snowflakes in every design and pattern scattered on the ground outside over the white blankets of snow that were already there. it was beautiful. it seemed like christmas but it was only the beginning of november. i smiled as i looked out of the coffee shop me and trev were in. filming was held another three weeks back because they were having trouble with the lines and stuff. i took a sip of my warm tea and looked at trev who was across from me.

"what're you thinking about?" i asked because i knew his mind was wondering elsewhere.

"how i ended up with a girl like you," he said grabbing my hand above the table.

"you're the sweetest thing ever, babe." i complimented giving a warm smile.

"i was thinking the same about you," he said back letting go of my hand so he could take a drink from his coffee.

we both stared out of the window.

"do you wanna go now?" he asked throwing his empty coffee cup into a nearby garbage and got it in easily.

"sure." i said taking my last sip and then threw it out.

we walked hand in hand to trev's car and sat down on opposite sides.

"let's let it warm up, yeh?" he said turning the heat on. my fingers were numb from the short walk to the car.

"i'm so glad you are my girlfriend, you know that?" he asked.

this time i made the first move by leaning and giving him a sloppy kiss on his lips and then i dragged my lips away. he pulled me back in though, cupping my face in his hands and he pressed his lips to mine, intensely. i pulled away for a breathe but he quickly pulled me back in, making our lips move in sync, sloppily. he gently pulled me onto his lap as our lips were still linked.

"i...love...you," I mumbled through kisses.

all of a sudden his warm hands were on my bare back, moving rapidly. i put my hands in his hair as his hands kept riding up. suddenly he broke away from the kissing and his hands fell lower to my jean button. i gently and slowly picked up his hands and held them both as i looked at him.

"i'm not ready," i quietly said.

i should be ready though. most couples do this on the second date. the words scorched my soul. i'm not ready. i'm not ready. i'm not ready. i was ready. i really was. i knew i was. trev was especially ready. this hurt me. it hurt a lot. i was holding back from the whole relationship. i held us back.

"i'm ready," was all i said and trev started driving.

i scooted off of his lap and into my own seat. i put on my seat belt and trevor put his large hand over my knee.

"no you're not." he said and looked over at me once he hit a red light.

"but i wanna be," i said, looking everywhere but him.

"baby, i don't wanna rush you into anything you'll regret." he said shrugging and took his hand off of my knee when the light turned green.

"i won't regret it, if i'm with you." i said giggling for no reason.

"the time will come britt," he smiled.

i was kind of bummed he didn't believe me but it was for the best.

i didn't know which of our houses we were going to so i just held onto trev's hand tightly because i was with the guy i loved.

"you know i'll always love you?" he said to me with his warm voice as he watched the road in front of him.

all of a sudden the car hit an icy patch on the beautiful, snow covered, white road and we spun. i saw everything spinning and i felt my body jerk everywhere from left to right. it felt like everything was hitting our car but i could still feel trevor's hand in mine. i was screaming but i didn't know it. i felt us hit more huge bumps and the car halted to a stop. things kept banging into us, almost like other cars. trevor's hand wasn't in mine anymore.