Angel's can't die | l.s

I wish I wasn't here

 TW

Last night, he fell asleep thinking of this boy.

But the worst part about this is that he doesn't even know his stupid name. All that he knew was that he had this beautiful curl and that the fact that he got hospitalized here for a drug overdose.

He sadly heard of that before.

He never really talked about it when he was there, but he got a pretty dark phase. All he was doing was staying in bed all day. He thought about it. All he was thinking about when he first woke up was to sleep and never woke up. Mary was really worried.

Ever.

But this was the horrible feeling, the one that you got when in the night; you only wish to feel nothing just, happy. But then, you only feel worst in the morning and you forced yourself to put on a fucking smile. That feeling? Yeah, he had been feeling like this the past two years. But now it's okay. He knew that one day his condition will make him happy. It will realize his birthday wish.

But here he is. In his bed, fully awake, lying on his back and staring at the ceiling. He took a few more seconds to really think and with that decision, he finally sat on his bed. He slowly turned around, his feet now dangling in the air because they weren't touching this ugly floor. He finally stood up, slowly because of his fucking headache or he will feel really dizzy. He was still really tired, coffee would fix that, he thought.

Now stood up, he slowly dragged his feet down the little alley, forwards his bathroom. He flicked the light opened, but surely too early because he closed them right after. He decided to open the little light near his mirror, a dark shower, this one was the best. He looked at himself in the tiny reflection of his mirror, looking in his tired eye. He slowly took his shirt into in his hand, lifted up besides his head. He putted it on the dirty floor before taking of his pant and underpants. He slowly turned the shower on, the hottest it could be. It wasn't very, in any case, not the kind of hot Louis needed.

He stood there for nearly an hour, only staring his eyes closed and the now nearly cold water hitting the back of his head. He was already washed so he turned down the water, stepping out of the shower. He took his towel, drying his face up down before wrapped it under his waist, barely hanging out. He took his toothbrush and toothpaste, pressing it together before bringing it to his mouth. His gums were barely bleeding so he took it out of his mouth and put it in the glass.

And now he was, standing in front of his drawer, not knowing what to wears. But he knew he will end up with the same clothes anyway.

He finally decided to take his Pink Floyd t-shirt with his usual black skinny jeans. His skinny jeans were becoming a little too loose. He took his black leather belt and rolled it up around his waist before putting his sock on. His socks and his underwear were the only pieces of clothes he owned that were colourful. He was now wearing pink discreet socks and blue and white stripped underpants.

Everyday was the same as he made his way to the cafeteria. But this time, he wasn't hungry.

"Hi Louis, the usual? We were just about to get our new order of cheese' bagel if you want to get one. They'll be ready in twenty minutes" Oscar said, smiling. He was such a great person. A too good soul for this shitty world.

"Hi Oscar. I'm not really hungry this morning, I will just take a large black coffee with a cup of water please" Louis said. He wasn't really feeling bagel this morning, even if it was cheering his mood up. If he ate, he will probably be sick.

No wonder why he got so skinny.

"Right, it will be ready in two minutes. We are out of coffee, if you just wait there" he pointed the empty seat that where near a full table that were speaking too loud.