Hey, My Coffee Lover

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Sab's POV

"So anong plano mo?"

I stop midstep to look back at Zoey who is busy checking things in my room. Kinunutan ko sya ng noo bago bumalik sa pag-aayos ng mga damit ko.

"Plano saan?"

"Duh! Plano mo! Kay Sam. Sa inyo." she said as if I am so dumb to not know it. Umirap ako.

"Wala. Ano ba ang gagawin ko?"

I heard Zoey sighed. Narinig ko ang padabog nyang pagupo sa kama ko habang patuloy ako sa paglalagay ng damit ko sa drawer.

"Nililigawan ka nya diba? Edi magiging kayo na ulit?" she asked.

Bahagya akong natigilan.

Yes, true enough. Sam is courting me again like what he said. Kahit naman sabihan ko sya na itigil nya, hindi naman sya tumitigil e. It's been two weeks since that night and he's still not giving up.

I sighed.

"I don't know." tanging sagot ko.

Naramdaman ko si Zoey sa tabi ko. Nung nilingon ko sya, kinuha nya lahat ng hawak ko bago ako hinila pabalik sa kama. Kunot noo ko syang tiningnan.

"What?"

"We need to talk deeply about that. Obviously, you need someone's opinion. Kasi litong lito ka e. Kapag walang tumulong sayo, feeling ko mababaliw ka na lang dyan kakaisip." aniya.

Ngumuso ako.

Zoey is right. Simula nung bumalik ulit si Sam sa buhay ko, nagulo na yung patas ng isip ko. Even though I made myself busy, he still consumes most of my thoughts. And I hate it.

I hate it because I am starting to get used to it.

"So ano nga Sab? Anong balak mo?"

I sighed again for the nth time.

"Yung totoo? Hindi ko alam. Hinahayaan ko na lang sya. I can't push him away because he's not giving up either." I said.

"O baka naman you can't push him away because you're starting to love his company again?"

I looked away. Sa totoo lang, I really don't have any idea what to feel anymore. It seems like Sam is still Sam. But then, years have passed. And we already brought too much pain for each other. Hindi ko alam kung worth it bang sumubok ulit.

"Nakakatakot na kasi." I chuckled.

"Nakakatakot kasi?" she asked. Ngumuso ako.

"Alam mo yun. What we had was so perfect that when I lost it, I got near to self destruct. Hindi madaling ibalik ang dati. Kasi andun yung takot na paano kapag mahalin ko sya ulit, tapos saktan nya ako ulit. What if this time, hindi ko na kayanin?"

"Well, we all know that he doesn't want that accident. He doesn't want to forget about you. Kayo kaya yung ultimate 'sana all' couple. But you're right. I saw you when you lose yourself to him. Pero ang tanong mahal mo ba?"

Natigilan ako.

That was the question that keeps me awake every night. Do I still love him? Or did I ever stop loving him?