Astral Lovers

CHAPTER 9



Lily POV

"Now the only thing that matters is that we are together again”
I clung to his words with all my strength.
Five weeks.
It's been five weeks since we met again.
And it was the best five weeks of my life.
Steve is the perfect boyfriend.
Generous, caring and sweet.
He constantly fills me with attentions and nice gestures.
He never misses an opportunity to be able to steal a kiss, a caress, a hug.
He took me to visit many places, he made me go around all of New York, showing me all the wonders of the city.
There are only 10 days to Christmas and the wonder of this place, decked out with lights and festoons, is breathtaking.
The streets of New York sparkle, the reflections of the lights hanging on the street and in the shops make everything more magical.
That lights that shine in his eyes, making them more charming.
I listen to him rapt every time he tells me some anecdote related to the old New York, the one where he grew up.
He took me to Brooklyn to visit his old neighborhood, the home where he grew up with his mother.
Sarah was a nurse and raised Steve to the best of his ability despite Joseph being an alcoholic and abusive.
Sarah worked double shifts in a garment factory and did the laundry to keep going, to survive.
Until she fell ill with tuberculosis leaving a Steve just 18 years old.
I cried a lot that day.
We stood in front of his old apartment, I couldn't look him in the eye as he told me his story.
In a way, I felt like I was reliving my mother's illness.
I could understand his pain.
I started sobbing at the end of his story, I couldn't stop.
He didn't say anything, he just hugged me very tightly and whispered in my ear that he was better now, that thanks to me he was better.
That I didn't have to cry.
He looked into my eyes so hard that I could not help but believe him.
So holding each other we kept walking through the busy streets.
For every corner we passed he had a story of him and Bucky to tell me.
How he was always beaten and how his best friend was there to defend him.
And after 70 years Bucky was still there, ready to take Steve's side.
Theirs is a bond of pure love and being able to witness it still gives you hope that all is not lost in this world.
As long as there is such a strong love, humanity still has hope.
After the New York tour he took me on several trips out of town.
We were in Washington, Boston and Chicago.
One morning while we were having breakfast together he found me staring at him intently.
"What's the matter honey?Is everything okay?" he asked me softly, placing his cup of coffee on the kitchen counter.
His hands immediately sought my face, and then left me a chaste kiss on my lips.
"You don't need to take me anywhere Steve" I replied full of senses of guilt.
"I don't want to steal time from your friends or your work.It's enough for me to be with you.I don't care where"
He had removed his hands from my face just to be able to grab my hands, he squeezed them in his and simply replied
"I just want to show you the world.You told me that one of your dreams is travel and I just want to make your every wish come true"
"You already do Steve.You already do"
And we exchanged a sweet kiss full of promises and hopes.
That same evening he took me to Coney Island.
We got on the ferris wheel, and it was incredible.
The view from up there is breathtaking.
I still remember the excitement of that moment.
"Look Steve!My God the view from here is wonderful!"
I said excitedly.
The Manhattan skyline is at our feet.
"You're right honey, the view is magnificent"
A smile on his lips.
"Babe you're not even looking"
I laugh heartily because his eyes are glued to my face.
"Oh I assure you my view is better" he replies, a sly smile matched his gaze glued to my cleavage.
"Gross.And you're killing my romance".
We both burst out laughing.
We hug.
Then his voice in my ear.
"You are my wonder, do you know?"
In response I joined my lips to his.
We are really trying to make things work between us.
Even though it's not easy for me.
When I'm not with him I feel like I can't breathe, every time I go back to the other side I fear I won't see him anymore.
I am stuck in a reality that doesn't exist and now I am sure.
In the last five weeks I have learned to manage this ability and I am able to spend a lot more time in reality.
At first it was only a couple of hours, now I can also stay for more than 24 hours.
Every time I go back to the fake reality as I now call it, it does not matter if I have been away for 2 or 15 hours because nothing changes.
It is as if the world here pauses every time I leave and starts again as soon as I get back.
I need to investigate better but I don't know where to start.
Steve for his part is continuing his research but I have the impression that he is not telling me the whole truth.
I have tried to ask him several times but his answer is always the same.
"Don't worry honey.I have everything under control"
Now we are here in his room.
I wear only his sweater, Steve loves to see me in his clothes and I love to smell his scent on my skin.
Laundry soap, sun and leather.
We had to postpone our picnic in the park because of the violent rain that is hitting the whole city.
I am sitting on his lap, his arms are wrapped around my waist and we are watching an old movie on TV, Casablanca a Michael Curtiz's film, one of his favorite.
I'm standing here looking at the screen but I can't follow anything the actors say.
I'm distracted by Steve's arms around me, his muscular chest that brushes my back with every breath.
I feel his breath in my hair.
I'm as tense as a violin string.
If on the mental level our relationship is going well, on the physical level it is a disaster.
Every time we are alone the passion takes over but I can't get over it.
We spend endless moments kissing each other, rubbing and stroking but I can't get over it.
I stiffen.
The first time it happened was a few days after our reconciliation.
We were in his room, I had just arrived at the tower that afternoon.
Steve after a passionate kiss grabbed me by the ass and my legs were automatically wrapped around his hips.
He started kissing me furiously, I felt his erection grow.
In a completely instinctive motion I began to rub against him.
God only knows how much I want him, his body!
He laid me slowly on his bed, with one knee he made space between my legs and overtook me with his immense body.
I felt so electrified in that moment.
I felt the muscles in his back tense under my hands.
The smell of his skin upset my senses.
I felt his mouth make its way up my neck and slowly descend to my stomach, and then back up and back to my mouth.
I slipped my hands under his shirt, with every caress I felt his body vibrate under my touch.
He took off the shirt under my ecstatic gaze and I remained staring, I did it without breathing.
His muscles so defined, an abdomen that seemed carved in marble.
With the trembling tip of my fingers I traced the contours until I reached that delicious V at the end of the abdomen.
He trembled and dived again on the my lips.
His hands got more confident and slipped under my sweater to squeeze my breasts.
I moaned so loudly that I was afraid that everyone in the tower would hear me.
My moans must have gotten him high because he started trying to undress me.
Hence the disaster.
I stiffened so much that he couldn't help but notice it.
"What's up baby?Do you want me to stop?" he said with his panting voice.
His chest rising and falling quickly.
I didn't know how to answer him but my eyes did it for me.
They filled with tears and a small sob escaped my lips.
"Hey hey!What happens?Talks to me" he immediately got up from my body and hugged me so tightly that my sobs turned into a real cry.
I remember getting his whole chest wet and he kept rubbing my back and whispering sweet words into my ear.
At one point I calmed down but I couldn't look up, I felt terribly guilty.
Embarassed.
I felt his fingertips under my chin exert a little pressure to make me look up.
And as soon as I did, other tears filled my eyes.
“It's okay honey, if you're not ready we can wait.Okay?"
He kiss my forehead.
"We have all the time in the world"
"I'm sorry Steve"
"Hey, don't you dare apologize for that.I can wait.I've been waiting for you all my life, I can wait more"
So saying he put on his t-shirt, held me in his arms and we chatted like this for hours.
Since that day he hasn't taken a step in that direction.
I don't know how to behave.
I've never been sure of myself, I've never found myself beautiful or attractive but the way Steve kisses me, he brushes me, the way his crotch swells when we're together makes me realize that he finds me attractive.
That he desires me.
My fear is not even tied to being still a virgin.
The real problem is that this is not me.
The real me, my body is who knows where.
And I would really like to be here with him when it has to happen.
I know it all sounds so absurd but this thing stops me.
It terrifies me.
I want to be a complete experience, I want him to kiss and touch my body.
I want him to really get inside me.
But obviously I can't talk to him about it because I lack the courage.
Out of the corner of my eye I see Steve turning off the TV and looking at my profile, his lips are moving.
This means that he is talking to me but I have not understood half a word.
Fantastic.
I sigh.
"Is the film finished yet?"
I ask bewildered.
"No baby it's not finished" he too sighs.
"Where are you tonight?You are here in my arms but I have the distinct impression that your head is not here"
He is always so attentive, he always manages to grasp my every little nuance.
I sigh again and get up from his lap.
I walk to the window and watch the raindrops glide across the glass.
They frantically overlap on top of each other a bit like my thoughts right now.
I hear his footsteps behind me, his arms around my shoulders and his head resting on mine.
"Talk to me please.Don't shut me out" his is just a whisper.
"It's nothing babe really"
I'm sorry to hurt him like this but I can't tell him why I'm really down.
"Why you act like this, I just don't understand you" he walks away from me as he talks to me.
He approaches his bed where he drops heavily.
“Why do you refuse to talk to me?Yet I've always told you I'm here for you.For everything.Why are you excluding me like this?"
He puts his arm over his eyes.
His tone is not angry.
He looks hurt, disappointed.
I have to tell him.
If we don't talk about it now, the issue will magnify to the point of becoming untenable.
"I don't want you to think I don't want you" I whispered in a low voice.
I feel my face on fire.
Steve turns to me.
The room is dim, the only light comes from the bedside lamp.
"Oh Steve, I want so much to make love with you that I almost seem to go crazy"
His eyes widen, I'm sure he wasn't expecting this.
With great strides he approaches me, I observe him in every detail.
Tonight he's wearing light-colored jeans and a simple beige cashmere sweater.
He is barefoot.
His honey blonde hair combed back, his face smooth.
As soon as he reaches me, his hands quickly find their place on the sides of my neck, his thumbs caressing my mouth.
"I know honey.And I too want you!But I already told you I can wait for you, if you're not ready that's okay ” he tells me softly.
“I don't want to push you to do anything you don't want, no matter how long I have to wait.Really"
"But I feel ready!I do nothing but think of the two of us naked, united"
To my words I see him breathe in violently.
Air hisses in from his nostrils.
His eyes narrow, as do his fingers around my neck.
I feel a warmth between my legs, I rub them together in search of a minimum of relief.
"What is holding you back then?"
His voice is hoarse.
I feel embarrassed.
"I want to be me when it happens"
He looks at me and doesn't seem to understand.
He stares at me intently.
His pupils dance between my eyes to try to grasp the meaning of my words.
Then something clicks in his head and in that moment I understand that he knows what I'm talking about.
"But you are here honey.I feel you under my hands.For me you are here and you are real"
Tears show up in my eyes again.
“Steve, you know very well that's not the case.My body is who knows where”
My gaze hardens.
“I want to be 100% me.I want my first time to be special, complete.I want our first time to be wonderful.I don't want to be afraid of waking up alone in a place that doesn't even exist.I want to open my eyes and find you by my side.Do you understand what I mean?"
"Yes, I understand"
He holds me close to him, as if he is afraid of losing me.
I keep talking.
My words choked on his chest.
"I'm afraid it will never happen" I murmur
"What will happen if you never find me?I don't want you to be in a halfway relationship.I don't want to give you a half life.I want you to be happy.Even if it means letting you go”
I feel Steve squeeze me even tighter and kiss me on the top of my head.
"I'm so scared Steve"
I chain my eyes to him.
Mine are full of fears and questions.
His eyes seem so serene, as if my presence alone were enough to make his world work.
"Sometime it's good to be scared, it means you still have something to loose"
"Does that mean you're afraid too?" I ask him shyly
“Oh honey I'm freaking out every minute of my day” he laughs heartily.
“But as long as I know that I can hug you and kiss you, I calm down.I face all of this one day at a time.A step at a time.You already make me happy.I assure you that mine is not a half life, I finally feel complete.Finally since I awakened in this century I feel I am complete.Happy"
We kiss again, his overbearing lips on mine.
His tongue dancing with mine.
I have to remember how you breathe.
His kisses have the power to stun me.
His mouth descends voraciously on my neck, sucking that corner of skin behind my ear.
His lips bite every inch of my neck.
His tongue runs where his teeth grab me.
His hands are already under my shirt, massaging my breasts.
The turgid nipples underneath the bra.
I gasp in his ear as his mouth is busy kissing my collarbone.
He gently pushes me towards the wall, his body pressing and rubbing against mine.
I feel his erection against my thigh, it's so big and hard.
I begin to move against him.
His hand comes down from the breast until it reaches the hem of my panty.
I feel him hesitate and he is about to stop when suddenly I place my hand on top of his and invite him to get down.
His bright and lustful eyes stop in mine, they look for permission.
A consensus.
"It's ok babe, it's ok" I murmur.
He goes back to devouring my lips and his hand enters my panty.
His fingers caress my center, picking up the moisture that I feel flowing in abundance since we started kissing.
He inserts a finger inside of me slowly, then adds a second.
I get up on tiptoe from the overwhelming pleasure and my nails get stuck in his arms.
Steve stops kissing me to look me straight in the eye, I feel embarrassed but I can't do not moan out of control.
His fingers inside me move incessantly.
Curling them, hooking them deep inside of me.
With his palm apply the right pressure on my clit.
I feel I am close, my sex tightens around his fingers.
"Steve" I beg him panting "Faster"
Steve groans and start to move faster his fingers.
My moans gets louder, I feel my body start to climb higher and higher.
"You okay?" Steve asks.
He manages to be sweet and protective even in such a moment and that does nothing but throw myself over the edge.
I cum.
Almost wildly.
Steve kisses me again then takes his hand off my pussy and so obscene he licks his fingers that were inside me a moment before.
"It's much better than I imagined" he whispers in a sensual way.
I blush
"Are you okay, my love?"
I nod as I try to catch my breath.
He tooks me in his arms, in a bride style, and he lays me down on his bed then he lies down next to me and with a big blanket he wraps both of them.
"Steve?Are you sleeping?"
I ask him after a few minutes of silence.
"No honey, what's going on?"
"I...I..."
"What honey?"
"I think I love you" I spoke so softly that I'm afraid he didn't even hear me.