Astral Lovers

CHAPTER 10

WARNING!

This chapter contains
- self harm
If you are sensitive to those topic please don't read.

Thanks and enjoy the story!

Lily POV

"Lily please wait..." are the last words I hear before reopening my eyes in what should be my room.
I lie in bed curled up on myself.
Warm tears wet my face.
I don't know what to think, I feel so confused and hurt.
Why did Steve do this to me?
How could he?
I trusted him, I revealed my secrets and my fears to him.
I approached him physically as I had never done with anyone.
I let him touch my body.
He had no right to hide what he knew from me, my fate is at stake and it is not up to him to decide my fate.
As much as I love him, these are choices that I, only me, have to make.
After an indefinite time I decide to get up, my eyes red and swollen asking for mercy.
I head into the kitchen without caring about what is around me.
Nothing is real here, everything I do doesn't matter at all.
I look at the clock.
Excellent it's 8 AM.
I look out the window, I observe the streets and the people, suddenly I have an idea.
It will be crazy but that's all that comes to mind.
I make myself a cup of tea and take it to my room, I finish drinking it while I get ready.
I brush my teeth and pull my hair up in a messy bun, some black curls like inky slip out of the scrunchie and rest delicately on my face.
I wear a beige sweater over a pair of black trousers, on my feet my favorite Tod's Chelsea boots.
I run down the stairs, I have to go now that I have found the courage or I will never do it again.
Before leaving the house I put on my Burberry duffle coat together with the scarf and leave the house.
The air outside is so cold that the tip of my nose immediately turns red.
Dense clouds of steam come out from my lips.
My God it's freezing today.
I walk towards my destination lost in my thoughts.
New tears press to come out from my eyes as soon as I think back to Steve.
What if I never have to go back to reality?
What if that was the last time I saw him?
A knot forms in my stomach, even swallowing my own saliva is tiring.
My last words were terrible, I've been mean.
I don't think anything of what I told him but I couldn't help it.
I am angry with him but my chest aches at the thought of having made him suffer.
His gaze destroyed and hurt when I told him not to touch me will haunt me forever.
His behavior hurt me and I wanted to pay him back with the same coin.
Childish?
Perhaps.
But at that moment it seemed to me the only possible way.
What I am about to do may not lead me to anything but I had been thinking about this for a while and today, as if by magic, I had an enlightenment.
My father never wanted me to leave Brookville for any reason.
The question is why?
Why can't I leave this place?
Can't I see what's outside because there's nothing beyond the borders?
With this thought, I am preparing to reach the outskirts of the city.
I think back to the file I read in Steve's room.
My mother and I died in a fire.
At least her died in a fire.
But me?
What about me?
What happened to me?
Where do the memories I have about the death of my mom come from?
Someone messed up with my brain and I have to find out who he is.
Because he does it and above all I want to know the truth.
Where is my mother?
Is there a possibility that she is still alive?
And then the file on my father.
Is he really a scientist who belongs to the dark side?
His real last name is McTavish, not Ross.
So who am I?
Is Elisabeth my real name?
I feel my head explode.
Not knowing where I am is already distressing, not even being sure who I am is a scary thought.
I feel alone and disoriented.
I sigh with a heavy head and a boulder pressing on my chest.
I have been walking for about an hour and I have almost arrived near the borders of the city but immediately I realize that there is something wrong, the sky is no longer clear and blue with the sun shining high but it is dark as if was getting night.
Impossible!
I only left my house a couple of hour ago so it should be around 10 in the morning.
But it's getting dark like it's 6 PM.
Another strange detail is that there is no one.
Nobody on the street, nobody in the houses around me.
I approach a house and peek inside.
The lights are out, no sign of life.
I keep going and see a woman in front of her door.
She has a small metal watering can in her hands.
I approach slowly pretending to seek information.
"Excuse me madam could you tell me where I can find a bookshop?"
The woman does not answer.
Now I am closer to her and I can see her body making small movements, she sways slightly.
The gaze lost in the void.
I try to get her attention again but she doesn't seem to hear me, she doesn't even seem aware of my presence.
She just murmurs a few words between her teeth but I can't understand the meaning so I get closer.
"Are you all right ma'am?Do you need help?"
I don't get any response.
Now that I'm closer, my ear is inches from her mouth, I can understand what she is saying.
A single sentence, repeated mechanically in an almost inhuman voice.
Robotics.
The woman keeps repeating T.A.H.I.T.I. project operating
What the hell does that mean?
I walk away from there and I realize that many other people here are in the same condition.
Motionless and absent they always repeat the same words.
As I go further and further the sky gets darker and darker until I can no longer see the road in front of me.
Now it is dark like midnight, the streets are without lighting.
An unnatural darkness in front of me, my skin is covered with chills.
Retreating seems to me the most sensible choice right now.
I turn and come back, my heart beating deafening in my ears.
The only audible sound is my irregular breathing.
As I get closer to the center, this place begins to come to life again.
I see a man cutting the grass in his garden, two women walking around chatting, some kids overtake me on their bikes.
The streets are filled with cars and the sky is becoming clearer.
I'm back in front of my house, the sun high in the sky and the streets is full of life.
I enter inside disoriented.
I need help and the only people who can give it to me are in New York.
I lie down on the sofa, lean my head on a small pillow and try to relax my every muscle.
I have to go back to New York right away.
I don't even bother to go to my room anymore, it wouldn't change anything, I don't even wait for the night anymore.
I already know that no one will look for me and when I open my eyes it will be magically morning.
By now I only need a few hours of rest between one move and another.
I close my eyes and focus on the large glass tower that I have learned to recognize as home.
A shiver runs through me and after a slight glow I open my eyes and find myself right where I wanted to be.
I walk in with great strides and head for the elevator.
I go up to the top floor and head directly to his door.
I knock one single time.
The door opens and in an instant I am crushed by two large arms.
"I can't breathe, James"
I can't help but smile.
His reaction is so sweet.
I don't want to cry but with this show of love I lose my self control and a little sob escapes my lips, James's grip increases and I find myself sobbing on his chest.
I feel him pulling me into his room, one of his hands lightly stroking my head and the other massaging my back.
I hear his sweet voice echoing in my ears.
"Shhhh.It's okay.Everything will be fine I promise"
I cry even louder.
I hate being so weak.
As soon as I calm down I feel James's hands on my arms pulling me away from him, breaking our contact.
He watches me with shining eyes.
"I was so worried" he sighs heavily.
I smile through the tears.
"Really?I didn't think I was so close to your heart, Barnes"
I tease him.
He takes me by the hand and makes me sit on his bed and then takes a seat next to me.
He turns his face in my direction and speaks.
"Don't be stupid.You know I love you and I consider you a friend, a good friend"
"James is the same for me and that's why I'm here with you, I need your help.You have to help me but you have to promise me that you won't say anything to Steve"
He hesitates.
I keep talking.
"Listen, I know he's your best friend and you hate lying to him but I need your help.You're the only one I can trust at the moment"
James becomes thoughtful.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure you can"
I smile at him.
"Are you going to leave him?I mean Steve.You still love him, don't you?"
I feel taken aback by his curiosity.
"Of course I still love him.Sure I'm very angry with him but I haven't stopped loving him.I could never"
My eyes get wet again.
"I love him but I need to do this without him.And I hope you can help me"
I see him sigh.
"Ok.Tell me what we have to do"
"I need to talk to someone.Any person who may have a minimum of competence with this power that I have"
I hope he knows how to help me.
"Come with me" he replies.
He gets up and grabs his leather jacket.
He holds out his hand.
I grab it and with my heart full of hope I follow him out of his room.
But before his hand reaches the doorknob I freeze, he notices.
"What's going on?" he asks me.
"If Steve sees us how..."
Bucky cuts me off before I can finish.
"Steve isn't here.He and Natasha are out on a mission, they'll be missing for a couple of days"
I sigh.
I feel relieved.
I know I will have to talk to him sooner or later but now is not the time.
First I have to find the answers to my questions.
"Okay, let's go"
I say more to myself than to him.
We go downstairs, where is Tony's garage.
I've never been here.
Bucky heads for a big black SUV.
"Is this yours?I didn't think you could drive" I tease.
He rolls his eyes.
"God, I hate you" he murmurs shaking his head.
"Nah...it's not true.I make you laugh"
I answer after which I make a tongue out.
We both laugh.
Once in the car we enter in the traffic of New York.
I suddenly feel nervous.
"Where are we headed?"
Bucky keeps looking at the street, he replies without turning to me.
"We are headed to Greenwich Village, exactly at 177A Bleecker Street.Doctor Strange lives there, he is the only one who can help you"
"Who is this Strange?"
"He is a master of the mystical arts"
"Would he be some kind of sorcerer?"
Bucky frowns thoughtfully.
"Yeah...more or less"
I sigh and watch the traffic go by beyond the window.
"Whoever he is I just hope he can help me"
I really hope so.
After a while Bucky begins to slow down and look around.
"It should be close..." he murmurs to himself.
"Yes, here we are!" he exclaims exultantly.
He parks the SUV and after getting out he comes to help me by holding out his hand.
I gladly grab his hand, I feel I need his comfort right now.
He seems to understand this and squeezes my hand tighter, without letting go we head together to 177A.
Even before knocking, a man of Asian origins opens the door for us.
"Please come in.I am Wong.The High Sorcerer will be with you soon"
My heart is beating wildly, I'm so shaken that my feet stick to the ground.
Bucky pulls me lightly.
"C'mon doll.It'll be okay.I'm with you, I won't let anything happen to you"
And I know I can believe him.
We enter and what appears in front of our eyes is majestic.
To welcome us an immense room with high ceilings, the walls are covered with large panels of dark wood.
Right in front of us stands a beautiful wooden staircase.
Bucky and I stand looking around, he stays alert as if he's ready to attack anyone who dares to even get close to me.
"How do they know we would arrive?" I ask.
He shrugs.
"Maybe because he's a sorcerer?"
His answer is so simple that he blows me away.
"I think you're right"
I whisper softly.
Suddenly a sense of anxiety pervades me, my eyes begin to wander wildly around the large room.
Bucky notices my discomfort.
"Lily?Lily look at me"
I turn to him with my back to the imposing staircase.
"What worries you?"
"I don't know Buck...what if I don't like the answers to my questions?What if I was...what if I was the villain?"
I feel like crying.
"What if I weren't worthy of Steve's love?Or yours?Or Nat's love?You are my family now and I..."
"Lily breath!None of us will stop loving you.We will protect you and we will be by your side at any cost but to do it to the best of our ability we have to find out the truth.Okay?Trust me!"
I'm about to answer him when a voice behind me whispers
"Sophia?"
I turn around as soon as I hear my mother's name.
I turn towards the source of that voice and I see a man coming down the stairs, I can't see his face.
His figure is hidden in the shadows.
"How do you know my mother's name?"
He continues his descent until a beam of light illuminates his face.
His eyes.
I know those eyes.
They are so similar to mine.
As he approaches I can see more details.
When I get a full picture of his face, I feel the blood freeze in my veins.
I know this man, I've already seen him.
Suddenly in my head images of my recurring nightmare follow one another frantically...but this time it doesn't seem like a nightmare.
They are memories.
A sharp pain in my head makes me bend over, I put my hands on my knees and I try to take deep breaths.
The pain increases.
My legs give out and I fall to the ground, my knees and my palms stop the fall.
My scream pierces the silence that surrounds us.
Bucky is right next to me.
His voice is far away.
Muffled.
"What's going on doll?What the hell are you doing to her, sorcerer?"
Meanwhile images of debris, flames and smoke invade my mind.
I can't see anything else.
Then a man.
A man crying.
A man who embraces my mother's lifeless body and asks her for forgiveness.
That man finally has a face.
It's Dr Strange.
I feel like I'm about to give in, I'm about to faint.
I wait for the impact with the floor but it doesn't happen.