Bad Intentions

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/1:1/

The next morning was quiet. I wasn't crying any longer instead I was dry heaving, sighing and gasping for breath. My eyes were dimmed light red and my head ached.

My mother was still sleep. She snored lightly as I laid on the floor fully dressed crying. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I turned on the shower and sat inside it. My makeup ran and my clothes began to soak. The water washed over me as I sobbed heavily. I needed to let it out. I needed to take a me day. A day to worry about me. A day for myself. I shut the water off and walked through the house dripping all over and not honestly caring. I walked up to my room and took out a years worth of allowance and packed a bag for myself. I didn't even bother to change. I packed my car up and drove away. I was going to think for myself.

I walked into a hotel by the beach that had a gorgeous view and could see the widened eyes of the staff.

"Um, ma'am how may we help you?" A posh girl asked wearing a suit jacket and smiling oddly.

"I'll take your relaxation special." I mumbled sighing heavily.

"Okay, how long is your stay?" The lady asked.

"Just a day. I just need a day." I said.

"Alright, here's your key card. Call us if you have any difficulties." The lady said handing me a swipe card. I grasped it and smiled walking off with my bags in tow. I heard my clothes make squeegee sounds and turned around smiling apologetically. The lady dismissed it shrugging me off.

The room was lovely. It literally had one wall that was all glass. The entire room was stocked with TV, movies and Netflix. I smiled and turned my phone off sticking it in my bag. This was 'me' day. I was the thing I needed to worry about. I pull out the most comfortable pair of pajamas I had and called room service.

"Hello, yes. I'm in room H 89 and I'd like to order two pizzas and a milkshake. One pizza cheese and the other ham and bacon. Oh and can I have a pint of cookies and cream ice cream? Thank you." I said hanging up and getting in the shower. I washed up quickly and dried off not bothering to brush my teeth yet. I didn't need to worry about looking good. I was worried about me.

~*~

Tears welled up in my eyes as I watched Jack float off the makeshift raft as Rose let him go.

"There was enough room for the both of you on that raft!" I screamed throwing popcorn at the tv and eating another spoon full of ice cream. The entire day had been spent on me watching romantic chick flicks and eating food. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't even think about going home or whatever wrong had happened in my life. I'd never felt so powerful in my life. I even jumped on the bed. I jumped in my underwear and I laughed. I made jokes and I really laughed. I even slept. For once in the past 3 years I slept without the fear my mother was having an episode. I slept and I laughed and I lived. Because I focused on me. Because I was the center of the universe for the first time in a long time. Because I was important. I decided I was going to parent myself. When the clock on the side of my bed struck 12 o'cock I smiled as I turned everything off and went to sleep. Tomorrow I would return home and I would deal with my problems. But tonight I would worry about nothing. I would worry about nothing.

I smiled and sighed. It would feel so much better if everyone in my life didn't confuse me. If my heart would just tell me what to do. Or even better, if my mom would tell me what to do. She could fix all my problems.

"If only," I mused sadly. My heart tugged softly and I sighed heavily. My mind strayed off to Asher. I mentally scoffed. Asher was basically off limits. He was the most eligible bachelor in school yet he was so confusing. It made me question if any of this was really worth it. If all these dreams and thoughts were even worth it. Was any of this shit I endured worth something? Was this life worth it?