Prologue

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It was another cold midnight in mid-December. Chan lay in his bed, curled under his comfortable duvet, which was his only source of warmth at the moment. An old telephone rested on his ear as he giggled at whatever the mysterious younger boy was sharing on the other end.

"[My father was so mad earlier when he saw the mirror of his jeep. I kept my mouth shut, of course; I can't get caught. He'll punish me for sure. It was an accident after all.]" The boy over the telephone said, making the older giggle at his silliness.

"[If Jisung didn't push me, I wouldn't have accidentally grabbed the jeep's mirror, right? We're just having fun, and they don't allow me to go out most of the time. Jisung was the only person who kept helping me to at least visit the horses on the ranch. I really want to be there. Being inside the mansion all day is killing me. I'd rather just clean the animal's shit than be stuck in that ugly, boring library reading some books about how to fucking stand properly.]" The boy said, a bit annoyed. It's making him irritated remembering how boring his entire life was.

There was a comfortable silence between the two boys, which the younger cut immediately, "[Hyung.]" He called out. Chan hummed in response, which made the younger whine.

"[Why are you not speaking? Don't you want to share a conversation with me tonight? I can end the line if you'd wish me to.]" The excitement in the younger's voice got replaced by a sad, soft tone of speaking.

"No," Chan responded.

"[No? What do you mean, Hyung? Should I end th--]"

"No, please don't. I just want to listen to your beautiful, music-like voice, so keep talking, tell me more about your day. I wish to hear your voice, Felix."

Silence. There were a few minutes of comfortable silence that allowed them to hear their fast-beating hearts. That warm rush of blood from their hearts made them feel like they were floating; it felt good, it felt right. Was it really right?

"[I... I like you so much, Hyung, and I want to be with you. Would it be so selfish of me if I wish to be born in whatever year you're in? I want to hold you, Hyung.]" There was an obvious sadness in every word he spoke. The sound of his breathing started being heavy, and Chan knew the younger boy probably started crying like he always does.

"My love, are you crying again? Please don't; it makes me feel sad."

"[Take me, Hyung. I don't want to be in here; I don't want to be their puppet anymore. You said everything in 2021 is beautiful; why can't you take me with you? I can't understand. I just want to be with you, Hyung. I... I love you.]" Once again, silence filled them, and the only sound they could hear was the continuous sobbing from the younger boy.

Chan, although tears were starting to betray him, still managed to speak in a much stable tone, "I promise, I will, Felix. Would you wait for me?"

"[I will, please do so. I want to feel your presence beside me, Hyung. I want to prove that this is not a hallucination. I know you're real, Christopher, right?]" Chan hummed in response, secretly cursing to himself.

It's impossible; he knows that it's impossible. But can you blame him?

He loves the boy, and he himself wants to prove that this is not a dream, that Felix is real. Would you blame him? Can't he be selfish for once? Can't he?

But after all, reality will still slap him and will forcefully pull him back to his senses and realise that even if Felix is real, the chance of them being together is impossible. But he wants to assure the younger boy. If being selfish will make the boy happy, then he'll do it.


strayradish_

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