Missed Times

Chapter One

Oh God, where am I? I try to open my eyes, but my head hurts so much. Is that a machine beeping? Oh, no, Carina is going to kill me. I try again to open my eyes with no luck. Everything hurts. I feel a soft hand and I smile. "I lo- I love you." I try to articulate, although I'm not very sure I did it properly. What the hell happened? I try to stay calm as I feel it's hard for me to breathe. I start moving in the bed, my eyes still closed. I move my hands up to my head and I feel a bandage. How did this happen? Was I in an accident? Oh, no, Carina, I need to find my wife.

*-*-*-*-*

This is definitely not normal, why do I feel like this? Oh man, my head is killing me. My right hand feels numb, what is this? I try to lift it up but I just can't. Where am I? Where's my wife? I need her, I need Carina.

I manage to open my eyes but the blinding light sends a shiver down my spine and I feel an excruciating pain on my head. I don't think I can do this.

*-*-*-*-*

Crap, am I dying? Is this what it feels like? My heart is throbbing again and I don't even try to open my eyes anymore. I just need to rest, maybe forever? No, not forever, Carina needs me, I need her, this cannot be the end of it, we have just started our life together.

I will not die, I'm coming back Carina, I promise. I cough and I can hear people around me talking but I can't make any sense of it. I can feel the terror and panic in my whole body, where's my wife? I want to listen to her even if this is the last time. I want to feel her lips on my lips again then I'll be all right. I know that.

*-*-*-*-*

Oh, here we go again. This time I push through the pain like I'm used to and I force myself to open my eyes, thank God there's a dim light. I'm definitely in a hospital, is this Grey Sloan? I examine the room but nothing looks familiar. I just wish Carina comes back soon, maybe she could tell me what the hell am I doing here?

I take a look at my ring finger and it's empty, I've gotten so used to it now that it's hard for me to recognize my hand like this. I close my eyes again as I try to remember what could've happened to me to end up in a hospital bed. Flashbacks start coming to me. Oh God, Carina, we were fighting and I stormed out of the apartment, I slammed the door and left her there, crying.

"Maya, I want to help you, you need to let me." Carina was trying to reach my hand and I pulled back.

"Carina, I can do this on my own, it's not your problem."

Since I got fired as Captain of Station 19 I've been lashing out at everybody. I know it's my own fault and I need to fix it, Carina doesn't deserve what I'm turning into.

"Your problems are my problems Maya, we are married, that's what we vowed to." Carina gestured with her hands.

I know she's right but in that moment I felt so angry at myself that I retaliated.

"Did we?" I spat and before I could even think, my words were out. "Because, We are good, doesn't sound like a real vow to me."

The room filled with an awful silence. Carina took a step back and I could see her heart breaking right there. She went to the bedroom and I felt so ashamed that I couldn't bare to look at her after the hideous words that came out of my mouth, so I stormed off and ran as fast as I could.

I feel the tears coming down my face. This is why she's not here, she doesn't want to see me, I broke her heart and she has every right to hate me.

The door opens and Dr. Shepherd walks in. She looks a little different than I remember, but I can't really tell why.

"Captain Bishop, I'm happy to see you awake," Amelia smiles and I flinch at the title that's no longer true. "How are you feeling Maya?"

"Um, my head hurts," I wince. "How long was I out?" I question her while she checks out my pupils and reflexes.