Missed Times

Chapter Thirteen

"She left," I say sinking into the couch.

After Carina's breathing relaxed she stood up and left the apartment without saying anything else to me. Andy knocked on the apartment door a few minutes later and I told her everything that's been going on with Carina.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but she didn't say anything," I say anxiously, looking at her who's sitting next to me. "I don't know what she's feeling and it's scary."

"Probably she needs space to process it," Andy says calmly. "Even I think I need time to understand everything."

"What if she never comes back?" I say feeling a lump in my throat. I'm scared I might've lost her forever.

Andy gets a text on her phone. After reading it she looks at me.

"She wants me to keep an eye on you," Andy smiles softly. "She's at Grey Sloan."

I exhale loudly all the worry I had about where Carina went. I imagined her at her boyfriend's apartment with him comforting her and making her feel better. He's probably doing that at the hospital, but it feels less intimate, and I'm holding to every bit of hope that maybe that relationship won't last. But there's also the possibility that I'm making everything harder for Carina and in the end I want what's best for her.

"I think I need to move out," I say defeated.

"Why?" Andy asks surprised.

"I don't really know what I'm doing here, she has a boyfriend and I don't want to get her into any trouble," I say looking down at my hands.

"Maya, she cares about you, she wants you here."

"Why though?" I ask frustrated. "She doesn't talk to me, I don't know if she loves me or just feels sorry for me."

"Maya, come on," Andy says. "She doesn't feel sorry for you, but it's a lot, you have no idea what she's been through, you pushed her away and she didn't know why. I told you she held on to the idea that you had a good reason but eventually she accepted that maybe it wasn't because the months kept going and you didn't say a word. In her mind you walked away from your relationship. Have you told her that you want to be with her?"

"She knows I was going to Italy to try and get her back," I say confident.

"That's not what I asked," Andy sentences. "Carina is tired of assuming. If you really want her back you have to tell her."

"What about her boyfriend? She's probably in love with him, she takes him to all of your parties," I say with resentment.

"Look, I don't know what are her feelings for him, because she doesn't talk much about him, but I've never seen her act with him the way she acted with you," Andy says convinced. "You two are meant to be, you just need to be clear with her."

I nod. I know Andy is right, I haven't been completely honest with my intentions. But I'm so scared of losing her that I don't feel confident enough to tell her what I really feel and want.

*-*-*-*-*

I wake up with the sound of an alarm coming from a tablet laying on the bedside table. I frown confused as I'm trying to turn it off I see there's a post it on the tablet with a message.

Buongiorno.

Don't forget your pills

   - C.

I smile at the thoughtful gesture, there's a glass of water next to my bottle of pills. I sit down on the bed and take them. Carina must've come back when I was sleeping deeply because I didn't notice when she left any of these.