Watching Over You • Nomin

seventeen

It was unfamiliar but a warm feeling surrounded his chest. Jiya looked at him and smiled and he replied to her with the same smile. Forcefully. She hugged him tightly and giggled.

The room was filled with pictures of them together… It was overwhelming, to say the least. He almost felt like he was going to pass out. He hoped Jaemin was happy because he didn't deserve him for the choices he made.

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Jeno walked into the house and found Jaemin sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He approached him and the next thing Jeno knew was Jaemin was yelling at him and barged out of the house both in anger and sadness.

“I told you this wouldn't end well, right? If only you take me seriously…” Jiya said, wrapping her arms around his shoulder. “I'm always there for you, Jeno-ya… I love you,” she added, kissing his forehead.

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“I'm sorry… I can't do this anymore… I love her.”

That was the last time he hoped he could see him. The guilt was all over him. It was so suffocating as though he was drowning.

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Jeno was running like his life depended on it. Strength could do what? Fight against something he doesn't even know what?

But those eyes were everywhere… he was sure he was running away from it.

He was watched, his every move noted and his speed calculated, his breath being heard and he was going to fall soon. He was losing the last bit of energy he had, the last bit of confidence was going to fall into the darkness. And he was sucked into the infinite black hole.

Perhaps the black hole was the solution to everything. True. Death was the final stage...the end to the miseries. 

And he was letting himself fall into it...he was giving up.

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#day25
I miss you a lot… you understand, right? Call me old-fashioned, maybe I am… but I can't take the courage to text you… can't dare to break my promise of never meeting you and can never stop being yours.
Love, Jiya

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Jeno woke up with cold sweat and a very bad mood. Nightmares. Now they were as normal as getting up and preparing for the day. 

At this point, Jeno was tired of not knowing what he was feeling. He doesn't know if he was angry at Jiya for messing up with him or he was concerned about how he's going to mess up his relationship with Jaemin or angry about the stalker of his past and the impact it left on him and that it never left.

Or maybe it's everything all together and that was messing him up entirely.

He hasn't seen Jiya in the last month. He tried to call it a win but only that it wasn't. She never left. It's just a promise that she wouldn't meet him ever again and she didn't promise to leave him and go away from his life.

He wanted to force himself to stay in his house and isolate himself forever...but he was sure she was still going to be around the corner of the house and watch him.

Jeno tried his best to keep a track of all the weird things that happened to him. And maybe… putting the pieces together that the stalker that traumatized him in the past was the same one who had confessed to him mere weeks ago was easier than any problem his University physics syllabus has ever given him.

If love was the reason why Jiya did everything… then he should've felt the same thing. The love never forced him to stalk Jaemin… the love never forced him to break into his house or control him, and manipulate him.

Jeno dragged himself out of his house. The negative feeling was constant. And there it was again… an envelope with a rose decorating it in the mailbox.

#day32
Jeno-ya… I don't know about you but I don't understand how I survived these 30 days without holding you or feeling you against me… because, for me, it was a nightmare… I can't eat anything properly, you still know that I'm all yours, right? I don't know who my parents are but I'm sure my uncle didn't raise a loser. I love you.

Jeno never went back to the things of his past, especially those letters and gifts he got in the past. Maybe the collection was still growing.

Jiya's handwriting never changed. Maybe her cursive improved… but it's always neat and perfectly written. Her style of leaving letters in the envelope with a rose never changed either.

Days passed… his nightmares grew, and the letters never stopped. But he stopped looking out for it. That made him stress out even more...he hoped sleep would cover the weight of the trauma. And it didn't work at all.

To be continued...