Out of the Blue

Chapter 8

My head was a minefield. There were so many things going on in there and I tried my hardest to dodge them all. Sometimes I was successful, other times I triggered a string of emotions I wasn't ready to feel. Guilt. Uncertainty. Confusion. Giddiness. Then more guilt. It was never ending.

Seeing Sawyer at work four days after the camping trip was a heavy misstep and I struggled to keep my thoughts and feelings at bay.

On Sunday, when Sascha and I finally reached an area with phone reception on our way home, there was a message from Sawyer. It was nothing unusual or intense. He simply asked how my trip was and made a little joke about my lack of camping experience. But as I sat there staring it, I couldn't figure out how to respond. I eventually did, but only with a generic message saying it was good and that I didn't get eaten by any drop bears.

I eventually accepted that I felt guilty. I had no idea why. Nothing happened with Justin, and Sawyer and I weren't together. There was no reason for me to feel guilty, at least that's what I told myself. Avoiding him made it easier for some reason. Now that he was here in front of me, though, I could hardly continue using that strategy.

We were in the office working on the rosters. Sawyer sat in front of the computer and I propped myself on the edge of the desk. "When does Maria go on maternity leave?" he asked.

"Not for another six weeks. Have you found her replacement yet?"

Sawyer nodded. "I've got two regular casuals looking for more shifts. They're going to share her regular hours. Do you want to keep your Thursday mornings?"

"Yeah, it works well with my afternoon classes," I agreed. "And only put me on the Wednesday and Saturday shifts."

He turned to me. "Are you sure? That's less than normal."

I looked down at my feet. He would find out soon anyway. "Yeah, I spoke about it with Dad. You'll be hearing about it in your meeting this afternoon."

"You're dropping manager responsibilities?" he guessed. It was hard to tell if he was surprised or disappointed. I simply nodded in way of response. "Does that mean you've made a decision about doing your other course?" Working so closely with my dad and myself, Sawyer knew all about it.

"No," I muttered, still not looking up. "I'm just going to focus on school and these classes. I've given myself until the end of the semester to make a decision." Which would I choose? Working full time in the family business or study for a degree that would lead me into another field, one that had helped me so much in my life.

Sawyer knew what both choices meant to me, and how hard it was for me to choose between them. My decision could also have an impact on his career. If I stayed, we would work side by side. If I stood down, he'd be doing it solo. I wasn't sure which he preferred more.

"Hey," he reached over to tap my foot with his, concern lacing his voice. I was still lost in thought and not engaging. "Are you busy tomorrow night?"

When I looked up at him, he seemed hopeful. I felt a little bad bringing him down. We had barely seen each other since my classes began. "I'm going to the Uni Bar with Sass again. It's a thing now, I think. Dale's band plays every fortnight."

Sawyer turned back to the computer screen, pressing his lips together. Was he annoyed? "How is Sass going with her new boy toy?"

As if talking about her was a summoning spell, Sascha walked through the door. She was here to join Tiana on the front desk for this afternoon's check-in shift. Her timing always amazed me.

"Let me tell you all about his toy," she announced with exaggeration. Sascha leant against the other side of Sawyer's desk.

Sawyer shook his head. "So you finally did it then? Did this happen in the creepy woods on your camping trip?"