Easing Heimweh (Heim, #1) ✓

28: Talk

"Can we talk?"

I rolled my eyes upon seeing who came to ruin my peace. "No."

I sat on one of the benches in the frontyard while the rest of them prepared for dinner inside. The whole ride back here was already uncomfortable enough, and I certainly wasn't about to have any more of it now. "Leave me alone, Emilia."

"It's about what you said earlier," she went on, my cry for solace falling on deaf ears. "About Aelius being my boyfriend."

"You don't have to rub it in my face," I said, still refusing to look at her. "Now, if you're done, scamper off."

"We aren't together." I froze upon the sudden confession, and she must've noticed, because her voice had gone smaller. "Aelius and I. We were never together."

"Why?"

"Because he doesn't love me back."

I chuckled bitterly. "He rejected you?"

"No," she said. "I never confessed my feelings."

"Then how are you so sure that he doesn't love you?" I knew that talking like this had gone against every wish of mine—to have a few moments of silence, to not bat an eye in Emilia's direction, and to not fully admit the reality that Aelius might love someone else now that we were long over.

"Because..." she began, her voice a mere whisper, like she couldn't dare to speak louder or one of us would break, and it wouldn't be me. "Because he'll choose you over anything." She faltered in the end, and I faced her just in time to see a lone tear fall from her eye. "His heart is anchored to where you are."

"Emilia—"

"Do not make this harder for me," she begged, fists clenching, visibly fighting the dam that threatened to break apart. "He loves you so much that sometimes I get woken up in the middle of the night from him calling your name in his sleep, like you were the only one who can lead him out of his nightmares. I've seen him cry because you're out of reach, and I never had the chance to wipe his tears for him because I'm not you. I..." Emilia let out a shaky breath, letting the tears fall this time. "I know I cannot fill the gap in his heart because only you can do that."

I was speechless for a moment of two. Maybe her words hadn't settled yet, but I was able to keep myself calm, my thoughts no less clearer than day. "I didn't...I didn't know."

She nodded, and as she did, she took another shaky breath. "He said he left without an explanation. He used to tell me about you, Evadne. Everytime he sees something that reminded him of you, he would go on for hours. We cannot spend an hour in Positano without him mentioning you." A bitter laugh bubbled past her lips, and slowly, the words sank in.

A sliver of hope came to life as Emilia cried in front of me.

"I do not want to make an enemy before I leave for Rome tomorrow. I am sorry for what I did. It's just that..." Emilia paused, searching for the courage to confess. "I thought of how shameless you were to appear out of nowhere and break Aelius' heart when it never stopped beating for you."

Her words weighed heavy on my shoulders, heavier than the Ondata did, when we finished eating dinner and prepared for bed. I tossed and turned, and no matter what I did, I couldn't bring myself to drift off to sleep.

Eventually I left the guest room and headed to the kitchen to drink some water. Massaging my temples, my mind drifted to everything that happened today, replaying the moments in slow motion.

"Hey."

I jolted to the sound of his voice. From here I could make out Aelius' silhouette getting closer and closer until his face fit perfectly within the frame of my vision in the dim light.

It took everything in me to look away. "Hey."

"I want to talk to you."

"If it's about what I said, forget it." Again, my mind replayed the chaos that was our afternoon.

Happy anniversary.

Gods, help me.

"You didn't break up with me to my face. If you wanted to end the relationship, you should've done it right, dammit," I uttered as beads of tears blurred my view of his face painted with...with something. I couldn't name it. I wanted to burst from not being able to name what it was. I was afraid I never knew him at all.

I was afraid he was still so far away even if I could reach him now.

"Y-You didn't have to leave me like everything between us meant nothing to you," I stammered, finally letting out the words I'd been wanting to admit for the longest time.

"Evadne, look at me."

And I did. His eyes searched for permission, and I sealed the distance as I closed my eyes and kissed him, my tears flowing freely. Aelius caressed my face like the most fragile thing in the world was in his hands.

"I'm sorry, my love," he whispered, his warm breath touching my lips. "I'm sorry for leaving you."

"Then explain." I broke away from his hold. "Tell me everything."

And that he did. We sat in the kitchen for hours as he poured his heart out and I did nothiing but listen. He gave me the truth I needed, and I stayed through it all.

He was the one who brought me home that night when I fell asleep in the hospital's rooftop. Dad saw him, and he was forced out of the manor after making him swear to never show up again and quietly leave the country. He couldn't defy his orders, not when my life and career were at stake. Dad threatened to disown me if we stayed together.

I didn't know how many times I'd cried over hearing him say those things. We had been played with all along, controlled by the very thing I yearned to escape from.

"What if I'm the one to leave without warning?" I asked after calming down. My head hurt, and my heart ached a hundredfold, but I stayed awake. "What will you do, then?"

"I'll wait." With gentle hands, Aelius lifted mine up and kissed my knuckles. "Just like what I did when you left Cagayan."

"And if I never come back?"

"Then I will cross every sea to find you, Evadne."

"Don't..." I took a sharp inhale. Gods, it hurt to hear that from him. "Don't call me that."

"Alon," he said slowly. Then his eyes trailed down from my face to my chest, and it was only then did I realize that the Ondata wasn't hidden in my shirt anymore.

"I found it in the bathroom," I began, already reaching for my nape to separate the chains. "I'm sorry I couldn't give it back sooner."

"No, don't." My hand froze upon his plea. "Don't take it off. Please. It...belongs to you."

"V—"

"I love you. I love you so much that I couldn't bring myself to wear it. Everytime I did, I felt like I was drifting farther from you." My breath hitched as Aelius traced the dainty anchor with his fingers, the coldness of the metal rivaling with his warmth. "Keep it. Bring it with you when you return to the States. Do anything you want, just...just keep my heart close to you."

His heart. He treated the Ondata like it was his heart, and he wanted me to take it.

Oh, gods.

"You want to be mine?"

He didn't need to say anything, as the truth twinkling in his eyes was my answer.