Easing Heimweh (Heim, #1) ✓

7: Time

"Calm down."

But I couldn't stop pacing around my bedroom. "Cali—"

"It's just a kiss. As far as I know, that's not a big deal for you, and we've been friends for a decade!" she exclaimed. "Heck, your first kiss was during our freshman year with that cute nerd because you had a mutual interest in French cuisine."

"How would I know?" I plopped down the bed and sighed so loud my panic would've escaped through my mouth. "This is strange. I'm panicking. Why am I panicking?"

"You're heavily interested in the guy."

"I mean, yeah, I guess." I stopped wiggling around like a worm, figuring I should process this information in a calm state. I hadn't been like this for a long time; I was always level-headed, solving problems and doing my job with ease that my family both admired and envied. I couldn't remember a time where I panicked like this, and I had an excellent memory.

Maybe it was because my dilemma wasn't one that could be solved with money. I had had my fair share of interactions where I got what I wanted with the lack of words but an abundance of cold cash. I could make someone shut up, speak up, and follow orders by the simplest gesture of taking out my purse.

But a text message from V could never be bought.

"What if he regretted kissing me?" I thought out loud as I stared at my inbox. The latest message was from Elton greeting me good morning. I hadn't replied to my brother yet as I was too occupied with a certain blue-eyed Italian who I did something stupid with last night.

"Stop freaking out," Cali replied. "He's not even your first kiss so I don't get it. What makes him different from the others you dated?"

"He's..."

Maybe it was because of what he did when we first met, as no one had done that for me before. Or how I never felt, not even once, that he agreed to be my date because of my background. Or maybe it was the way he presented himself, like I was free to loosen up a little, to breathe a little better, to enjoy a little more, because he was safe.

I couldn't pinpoint the reason.

"He just is," was my vague response.

"Well, Aelius is new," my best friend muttered. "He's a breath of fresh air after being suffocated in that damn household of yours for years. I get it. I understand."

"Don't say his name." That earned me a groan from the other line. "I'm still scared." Cali knew about my family's names-are-powerful belief. She thought it was sensible, but she couldn't really comprehend why it was that big of a deal to us. Deep inside, I had the same opinion on the matter, but I was also taught to shut up. I learned that the hard way after receiving unreasonable backlash years ago for it.

"Your family is still holding you back. I thought you're free now?"

I thought so, too. Then I took two steps back and remembered everything that intruded my head during moments where I should've been focusing on the present. Dad's advices, Elton's words, Everen's favorite coffee—all of it.

I realized running away might be one big and expensive joke, and I was the clown of my nightmares after all. I might've left our manor, but the chains of my past refused to let me go.

"Do whatever you want, Captain. I'll keep watch from here." There was no annoyed undertone in Cali's voice now. I expected that. She'd always been like this. She somehow just understood me so much, so she stayed. Out of everyone that tried, she was my only friend. "You deserve freedom, so I'll continue to help."

Even then, despite being used to it, I was still at a loss for words. Cali was miles away, earning nothing from covering up for me, but she was doing it anyway. She was sorry for making mistakes and coming up with on-the-spot excuses, but that didn't matter. She tried. She cared. She cared for me in a way that I could only describe as genuine.

"Visit bars, go to places you don't know, kiss Aelius again, do anything," she continued. "You're free."

I hoped so.

To kill some time, I tried cooking brunch with store-bought pasta I got at a nearby convenience store. I was no expert, having grown up with private chefs, but there were times where I made something decent, or at the very least, tolerable. I'd normally receive mixed—and biased—feedback from my siblings. No one needed a wild guess on who would give a nice compliment and a harsh criticism.

I was halfway through my overcooked aglio e olio when my phone lit up and a message decorated the screen. Dropping my fork, I wiped my hands against my pajamas and grabbed the device.

Would inviting you to a date be a bad idea right now?

It required more energy than I thought to suppress a stupid giggle while typing out a reply.

Not at all.

We didn't do much today. I'd told him I already had brunch, so he invited me to get coffee at Oasis. Of course I wouldn't say no to that. Having left a note in the freedom wall yesterday, I wanted to check if I had another reply now.

There were a few people in the café when we got there, which was a pleasant surprise. It was my first time seeing other customers here, and despite it being my hideout of sorts, I was beyond delighted to know they were gaining more attention.

But my happiness turned to confusion when I saw no reply to my last note. I'd tried not showing V that I was bothered, and thank the gods it wasn't too difficult, given my usual demeanor. I, however, couldn't be too confident, since he had a knack of noticing the little things—a trait I both admired and worried about at the moment.

We ended up talking a bit, ordering waffles, and reading novels. V took me back to Myriad soon after. He said he had stuff to do at work so our date was cut short, and I was fine with it, though he let me know that he regretted not having enough time.

"We have lots of time," I assured him before we parted ways.

But I wasn't entirely certain.

Just as I finished changing back to my pajamas, Cali called. 

Strange. She only did that once a day, settling with texts after. It was her years-long habit that I thought was quite humorous, so imagine my surprise when I saw her profile on my screen for the second time today.

"This is new," I began when I answered the call. "Hello again."

Then I heard it. Sniffling. Sobs.

Cali rarely cried.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"C—Captain," she whimpered, words broken as her cries wouldn't stop. "You need to r—return here now."

"What?" I stood up from my spot on the couch, my brows daring to meet each other in a deep frown. "Cali, what happened?"

"Everen, she..." 

If I was correct, she mentioned my sister just now. My heartbeat went erratic, and I felt beads of sweat forming on my temples.

"Breathe," I urged. "I can't understand you."

"There was an a—accident," she said, and I almost dropped the phone as I lost my strength. And Cali went on, as if it wasn't painful already. "Eve's in t—the hospital. She's...she's unconscious."

Everen. My sister's in the hospital. There was an accident. Every word, every syllable bore its way through my mind.

Everen is hurt.

Everen is hurt.

Everen is hurt.

Maybe I didn't have enough time, after all.