It Just Happened

25. Let's Rewind

                                                                                           Lucas

The night of the game change everything for these past couple of months. I've been miserable and impatient for things to be drawn out. I want to know who is threatening us so we can fight back. Thinking back, I know I didn't make the best decision, but I was scared. Not for myself but for something happening to Jaxon. After we made love that night, I thought I knew what I had to do.

"We need to talk."

The look in his eyes, it's like he knows what I'm about to say. The tears fall down my face and I don't try to wipe them away.

"You're br-breaking up with me Lucas." His lip quivers and it breaks my heart to see that I'm doing this to him. "I don't see any other way." I look down ashamed for what I'm doing. Jaxon is the only person that sees the most vulnerable side of me. I feel like a fucking pansy... a fraud. I tell him I love him and then do this. I guess I'm no better than my deadbeat parents.

"I fucking love you Lucas." He crashes his lips to mine in desperation. The same need I'm feeling for him. I want to give in, but I know I can't. I pull away and it hurts so fucking bad. I have never known a pain so excruciating as this one, besides from Kayla dying. I get out of bed to find my boxers and Jax jumps out of bed with fire in his eyes. He pushes me and I let him. If he wants to beat the shit out of me, I'll let him...I deserve it

"Fuck you, Lucas!" He screams in my face. I don't say anything I just stare at him with more tears falling. He flinches for a second but then the angers back and he shoves me again. "You fucking turned my world upside down! I was fine until I met you... I fucked any girl I wanted to."

I flinch at that it's like a blow to the gut.

"All it took was one fucking kiss...that one fucking kiss from you and it changed everything!" He shouts as he shoves me again. "Was I a game to you?" I shake my head the words are lodged in my throat, they just won't come out. "I was, wasn't I?" Tears fall down his face. I want to wipe them away, but I can't move I'm paralyzed. "It took you fucking me for me to realize I was gay. Not bi-sexual, but FUCKING GAY!" He starts laughing like a mad man and pulls at his hair. God I'm such a coward. "The funny thing is I don't want any other guy, NO ONE makes me feel anything but YOU!"

My heart jumps at his words, I go to say something, but he cuts me to the punch. "Guess I was just a fucking experiment for you." I'm a fucking asshole. It feels like someone just twisted a knife in my heart.

"Jaxon that's not true."

"Bullshit Lucas! You got off on other guys before, but I haven't. So, what you thought, it be fun to turn the straight guy gay and then say hasta la vista."

I finally move and cup his face. "That is not true, and you fucking know it!" I yell right in his face. He tries to move away but I hold his face in my hands a little tighter. "You're everything to me!" I yell and crash my lips to his. At first, he resists but as my tongue maneuvers its way into his mouth, Jax pulls me closer. I don't know how I'm going to stay away from him, but I have to...to keep him safe. I pull back and rest my forehead onto his. "I can't lose you Jax, I just can't. I lost Kayla and I'll be damned if I lose you too."

"Then don't leave me."

"I don't see any other way."

We start yelling at each other again, when the door swings open and the guys are standing outside my room. Both of us are standing there naked and not paying attention as we are both yelling. Chris ushers everyone away as he closes the door and looks at both of us.