Linstead- Love Me Until The End

Chapter 9

ERIN'S POV

I got home after Hank's appointment and relived Layla of her duties but still wondered where Jay was. I started making chicken parm and put it in the oven to keep it warm while I made the salad. I heard Jay come through the door and put his things down and I thought to myself, "great now I can fid out what he's been hiding from me!"

I felt arms wrap around my waste and his face tucked into my neck as he took a deep breath in. I stopped with the salad and turned around so I was face to face with him, and that's when I knew something was wrong. "What's wrong babe?" I put my hand up to his cheek and stroked it with my thumb. "I would never abandon you and Aiden, I need you to know that...I need you to hear me say that Er." Tears started to form in Jay's eyes which was making my heart break a little. "Baby, I know that. Where is this coming from?" He pulled me into his chest and kissed my temple. "I'll tell you about it after dinner, what are you making?" I stood on my tip toes and gave him a short but passionate kiss, one that I thought he needed after whatever kind of day he had. "Chicken parm, go grab the baby and we can eat."

After I got Aiden settled in bed, I went to find Jay and heard the shower running. We hadn't had much alone time with everything going on, so I stripped down and joined him. I ran my hands up his back which startled him but I quickly made sure he knew it was me. He didn't turn around, so I knew something was bothering him. I wrapped my arms around his front grabbing his pecks while planting kisses on his back, "I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere" He didn't flinch so I moved myself so I was standing in front of him between his arms that were pressed up against the shower wall. "You know how much I love you right?" He nodded but didn't move. I started washing his body, and then mine and also did our hair. "I love you so much" he says after staying silent the whole shower.

He pushed me up against the shower wall, our bodies pressed up against each others and our connection kept getting deeper and deeper. (20 minutes later) "As much as I'd love to do that again, we should get out and talk." Our foreheads were resting together trying to catch our breath. "Yeah, I guess I can't avoid that anymore...lets go" I pulled his wrist back towards me "I told you I wasn't going anywhere, you have nothing to be afraid of. Whatever it is Jay, I can handle it" He kissed me and grabbed us towels.

/// KIM'S POV

"Have you noticed Erin being different at work? She seems off lately. Maybe we should offer to take Aiden for the night to give her and Jay a night alone." I said to Adam while we were getting ready for bed.

"Uhh sure, but I don't know anything about babies... so I hope you do." He responded half asleep.

"It would be kinda fun, might even give us a little practice since we are getting married now?" I said questioning since we hadn't talked about kids yet.

"Whatever you want babe" I smiled and snuggled in closer to fall asleep.

//// JAY'S POV

"So..is this about where you were today?" she said under her breath but loud enough so I could hear her. I'm not sure what she thought so I had to say something before she assumed too much. "Dr. Leighton...that's where I was, I've been going to therapy and it obviously brought up a lot of stuff for me. This guy really knows how to get under my skin, well I mean he's probably just good at his job but it's so hard." I couldn't look at Erin so I played with the comforter. "How long Jay? How long have you been going? Why didn't you tell me? We need to talk to each other babe." She put her hand on my arm and ran her fingers in a pattern which relaxed me. "You were dealing with Hank and honestly I was using it as an excuse not to talk about it. But I know that I have to or things will get bad for me." She nodded and continued her ministrations on my arm.

"We were on our way back to the barracks after surveilling all day in the village when a grenade shot into our truck. It killed 3 of my soldiers instantly. I got my injuries but was in enough shock that I tried to help the other guys. Mouse was pretty banged up, Carlson and McDonald were throw from the truck so I went looking for them. I found Carlson but he was losing too much blood from his carotid... I couldn't save him." I tried not to get emotional but I hadn't thought about my soldiers since my time in the dessert, I should of protected them better.

"Babe none of this is your fault, you did everything you could."

"Then why are they dead? I should of protected them, I was their lieutenant. I don't even know where Mouse is, dead or alive..."

"You couldn't have done much without help, you couldn't have known about the bomb. This isn't on you. You have to start letting it go, and I think therapy is the best way for that"

"I'm really trying you know, I'm only scared it will bring back so many memories that I get the PTSD and-" she cut me off

"And we'll deal with that if it does, ok? We have to take care of this head on" She leaned in a kissed me gently and rested her head on my chest.