Illusion

17

The weather was getting colder.
Fall was coming, and I was falling.
The emptiness I felt because of college was horrific. I had never been away from my mother like that and my condition dragged me down.
I ended up in the hospital due to pneumonia.
My lungs felt heavy and I got behind in some of my classes.
The stress continued to pile up.
Your freshman year of college is supposed to be the easiest. I don't know what it was about my little arts school but it was close to slavery. Packed down with classes and ridiculous rehearsal hours... I lived off of iced coffee and could see the weight falling off of me.
I was a small person as it was.
I was turning into a skeleton.
Harry became bogged down with classes as well so I felt guilty for needing him.
I was so afraid that my sickness and depression would drive him away.
Harry was my true love. He was my hero.
He was everything I could've dreamed of and most of all, Harry was my best friend.
But feeling like you annoy someone that you are that close to is the worst feeling.
He always insisted that I didn't, but I annoyed myself.
I don't see how it's possible for me to not bother him.
Maybe he was just saying that?
My mind was filled with constant worry and questions like this. I could almost feel Harry slipping out of my hands and the thought of that terrified me.
I wanted so badly to be back at home.
I didn't have myself together.
I felt like I would be better off dead.
My eyes were empty and hollow. I didn't recognize the person staring back at me in the mirror. I needed out.... But dropping out of college is such a disappointing thing. Harry was fine with it, and I felt like I should be.
College is something everyone can do.
I felt like such a failure.
And with how quiet my phone was in one of my darkest times, I realized that once again, maybe I am so forgettable.