Euphoria

Stress

You couldn't stop calling Hitoshi 'love' after your birthday, it just rolled off the tongue too easily. It felt right leaving your mouth, more so than any other nickname you had tried. It reminded you that your relationship was real, that he was yours.

And even throughout the few weeks it had been since your birthday, it held up. He even had used it a few times for you. Which made your heart flutter. You liked how the word formed around his lips.

Sadly, the small heart palpitations caused by your boyfriend were replaced by larger heartstoppers from the stress brought on by school. There had been a lot of work piled on as the last few months of the school year grew closer. Many teachers started to focus on and challenge the fact that time was running out, so they could get through everything in their curriculum.

—

Right now, you huddled into the corner of your room, curled up on your office chair trying to figure out the tail end of editing for your scholarship opportunity. At this point you were just trying to make sure everything was the best it could be. In the process, you may have been losing your mind a little bit.

"God I just need this to blend into the last scene better!" You yelled to yourself since Hitoshi was currently working on an art history essay at the library.

This one portion of the edit was driving you crazy, it was the last thing you had to do, but for some reason you just couldn't. There was something off about the way the last few clips flowed together, and no matter what you did, it still felt like something was missing.

Ten more minutes of trying to figure things out turned into twenty, soon enough you let out a groan before slamming your fists on your desk. You finally took a step away from that project only to move onto another damn project. This one was technically finished already, but just to make yourself feel occupied you looked over it one more time.

You couldn't allow yourself to take a real break or else your mind would end up focusing on all the things you needed to worry about outside of school. Of course though, that is actually what ended up happening anyway. Which is how you ended up zoned out on the floor, you previously had been looking over a poster you made explaining different framing techniques in cinema, but that ws long forgotten. Your mind started wondering about all the things you were trying to ignore before.

If I don't get this scholarship, I won't be able to afford to go to this school anymore. I f I can't get a job, I won't have a place to live for my third year, even if I do get the scholarship for my second year.

Those ideas seemed so insignificant compared to where your mind eventually ended up after snowballing though.

I miss my parents, I never even talked to them and I still miss them. They were horrible parents, but now I wish I could have spent more time with them. Gotten them better, been able to rebuild something, introduce Hitoshi to them.

"The last time I ever saw them, talked to them, I was yelling. Over funds for this damn school. This damn school, something so fucking trivial in the scheme of things. Now they're dead and I can't take it back, or apologize, or do anything. I wanted them to apologize so badly that I ghosted them for it, and now those bastards are fucking ghosts." You basically shouted through your thoughts, at this point on the brink of breaking.

When you heard the door to your dorm open, looking over to see a worried Hitoshi in the frame. He quickly put his stuff down, shut the door, and embraced you. The two of you stayed on the floor, hugging each other. You squeezed him so tight, clawing at his back like you just couldn't get close enough to him, that you almost thought you'd stopped him from being able to breathe.

Your tears spilled out, your emotions were at their limit. There was no way in sight to keep them in after weeks of numbing and ignoring them.

"I miss them. I thought I hated them but...they were my parents, Hitoshi. And they're gone, I never even said I was sorry!" Between shallow breaths and ongoing cries you were able to finally speak.

"I know. I know you miss them, but it's not your fault. I know you wanted for them to get better, for everything to be better. But they are the ones who chose to not fix themselves." He leaned out of your hug just enough to see your face. Wiping the wetness off of your cheeks as he continued.

"You have done nothing wrong, you don't have anything to be sorry for. I know you miss them, but it was them who needed to apologize to you. Not the other way around, they needed to fix themselves and you couldn't do it for them." You stared at him for a moment.

Wiping off whatever snot and tears were left on your face, you tried to muster something like a grin. Finding comfort in the fact he always seemed to know what to say to make you feel better. You moved your hands from around his waist to the sides of his face, giving him a soft and thankful kiss in return.

"How about we take a nap love. I think you need some rest." You loved when he called you that, it distracted you. Like he put you in a trance when he used it.

Completely forgetting about any other school work you had to do, you nodded in agreement. Whatever you had to do could wait, right now your time would be used to be with the boy you're in love with.

He helped you stand up and get in bed. Meeting you in bed right after you laid down. He left loving pecks on your eyes to help wash away the tears. One more on your forehead for good dreams, and one last kiss on your lips just because he wanted to.

Apparently the short breakdown and hours of school work you had done before it, added up enough to make you extremely tired. Quickly falling asleep in the arms of your lover.

Though your dreams weren't exactly happy, they were better than the real world. Bringing you a sense of comfort in them for the next few hours.