On Cam Girlfriend

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Choice

Nanghihina akong bumalik sa loob ng bahay namin galing sa libing ni lola. Dumalo lahat na mga kakilala ni lola, others gave their sympathy while others gave their pities for being left alone. Lexi tried to comfort me and so does Nahliel. They even offered me na maglibot libot muna to lessen the sadness that I was feeling so I said yes. But it won't easily get rid the pain. We can't easily be happy just because someone tells you to do it.

Happiness is a progress and a hard thing to start. And seeing how broke I am, I feel like I don't deserve to be happy, I deserve to be in so much pain because I've realized that I've been so selfish the whole time.

Pumasok ako sa loob ng bahay, locked the door and I was walking like a zombie, no emotions in my face and heart's scratching in pain. I was just staring the corners of the house.

"Marithé?" I heard the voice of Nahliel from the outside.

I locked myself in our house. I didn't want to be bothered by someone. I just want to be... alone.

"Lola?" Wala sa sariling sambit ko.

Luminga linga ako sa loob ng bahay. I smiled sadly as I looked for the presence of my grandmother.

"Lola nasa bahay na 'ko." I said with tears flowing on my face.

When I realized what I was saying. I break down as my knees getting weaker and soon I found myself on the floor. I don't know what to do. Walang wala na 'ko. I feel like the other side of my world just destroyed. Kung wala akong alam sa mangyayari sa buhay ko noon, I feel worst right now, mas lalo akong mababaliw sa lagay kong 'to.

"Marithe. Buksan mo 'to." Rinig sabi ni Nahliel sa labas but this time, he's near me and he's knocking at the door.

His knock became loud as if he's getting impatient for waiting me to open the door. I wonder how he got inside the compound but I suddenly remember that I forgot to lock the gate and just left it open. Hindi ko siya pinansin, I didn't even bother to open the window to sneak him out. I just want to think for a while.

What happened to me didn't want to process in my mind. Hindi matatanggap ng utak ko ang mga bagay na nangyari sa akin sa bilis ba naman ng mga pangyayari. Time flies so fast and I wanted to think about it but every time I started to remember, I always feel like I'm close to being crazy.

Bumangon ako at umakyat ako sa itaas at pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko. When I walk inside the room, I saw Nahliel climbing at the railing as he positioned himself to fit in the window. Tinignan ko lamang siya ng walang reaksyon sa mukha ko. Hindi na ako nagulat pa sa nakikita ko kasi knowing Nahliel, he will do anything to reach me out and so do I, but things change.

I'm always focusing on what I've felt for Nahliel to the point I forgot to spend more time with my grandma. I really despised myself for being so obsessed with the idea of love I saw on Nahliel without even knowing that my grandma's love is deeper than he felt for me.

"Hi!" masiglang sabi nito nang makapasok na nang tuluyan sa loob ng kwarto ko.

Lumapit ako sa kanya habang umuusok aking mga mata dahil sa galit.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" there's sharpness in my voice showing up.

"Di ka pa kumakain kaya bumili ako ng bagnet, paborito mo." He innocently said, showing the plastic.

Kumirot ang dibdib ko sa ginawa niya. I realized that I rarely eat for the past few weeks after grandma died. Kasi nawawalan ako ng gana sa lahat, many people I know come to reach me out, to ask if I'm doing good, feeling better or anything that they'd think will comfort me but it didn't. Kahit anong gawin nila hindi mawawala sa akin ang sakit na nararanasan ko ngayon, puno ng pagsisisi at pagdadalamahati.