Bianca's new life

Home again (Thirty-six)

Bianca Pov

So Dad and I were home, (as all the adults decided that I needed the rest of the day off), I felt emotionally drained, (though I was emotionally drained, but I didn't want to admit that, as I can be stubborn sometimes), (but I'm not Rowan kind of stubborn though, as that was just really fucking stubborn).

Anyway I got into comfy clothes, (ie. pyjamas or a massive hoodie and joggers), with a cup of tea in my hand to see if that would help knock the off feeling out of me, (I would like to say that adult me knows that this won't stop when you feel off, it helps, but it doesn't completely get rid of it, ya know), but clearly Dad knew that I was not going to talk by myself so he asked me the question instead.

"You feeling ok Sweetheart?"
"Yeah I'm ok now"
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I don't even know what started it"

I was in tears at this point, (yeah, so much for being ok), (though emotions are hard for me sometimes, ok), it just felt like everything was too much for me to handle at that moment in time, though Dad seemed to know this as he just cupped my face, (it was like he had a sixth sense about these sorts of things and it was kind of weird Babes).

"That's ok-"
"But we can't fix it"
"(Sighs), Sweetheart, sometimes it's not about fixing what is making you worried, it's just that you have a lot going on and you need some time to just chill"
"But it's hard Dad"
"I know it's hard, I know it is, but it's ok to need some time out Baby"

That softly spoken 'Baby' was the straw that broke the camel's back as I just started to sob my heart out, (I don't remember why that was, but it happened, ok), (well, it genuinely could be left over that sensory overload, which is not fun Babes), so Dad pulled into a hug as he knew that I would appreciate that and that I needed that hug, (it felt different to normal hugs here, ok).

"It's ok, I got you, you're ok Darling, shh shh shh"

That mantra did actually help, it was weird to me that it actually helped, (though I ain't questioning it here), but I guess sometimes it's the simplest of things that helps you out, (though I don't the emotional science behind it, I just know that it works), I don't know how long I was sat there sobbing, but after I was finished, Dad just held me for a while.

"Hey Baby, are you feeling any better?"
"I don't know"
"That's ok, you don't have to know, just don't bottle it all up, it's not good for you Sweetie"
"But I don't know how else to do it"
"I know, and it's not easy to deconstruct either"
"You too?"
"Yeah Baby, me too"
"How do you even start?"
"By knowing that you do it, and then you try to talk to people"
"That's hard though"
"I know it is Baby, but I promise that it gets easier to do over time"
"That's a big thing to promise though"
"I know Sweetie, I know, but I wouldn't promise you that if I couldn't keep it for you"
"I know that Dad"

I started to feel a bit sleepy, which wasn't a good thing to me at the time, (I couldn't even tell ya why that was Babes), I was hoping that Dad didn't notice that I was sleepy so that he wouldn't try to get me to nap, but that didn't work out for me here Babes, as Dad's quite observant when it comes to his kids here, (though with the kids he had, he probably needed to be observant enough so that we don't do something too bonkers here).

"Go to sleep, I know that you're fighting it"
"How do you know though?"
"Call it Dad tuition or whatever you want to call it  here Sweetheart"
"I really don't want to sleep though"
"You'll be over tired if you wait until tonight and we both know that being over tired and not being able to sleep is shitty"
"I also don't want to move"
"You don't have to move, I got nothing else to do"
"But you'll get a dead arm"
"Meh, wouldn't be the first time"
"Ok Dad"

You could ask why I didn't just stay awake longer, but Dad kept coming up with logical counterpoints to my explanations, (because he's a parent, duh), and honestly I really fucking needed it, and it was the most peaceful slumber I've ever had, (like it's fucking wild to me that napping on someone else is even comfortable).