Bianca's new life

Fashion baby (Forty)

Bianca Pov

I felt fucking fabulous, rocking an old denim jacket that used to belong to Dad, (we're the same height lol), and for the first time in months I felt as confident as I pretended that I was, (you have to fake it till ya make it babes), (as cliche as that sounds).

So I strolled into college like I usually did, (because I was faking it until I made it, ok, sue me), and while to most people it was just an old denim jacket, but to me it was an heirloom that I got, (even if it wasn't really an actual heirloom), (though it didn't really fit anyone else so it could be an heirloom), (why am I so flip floppy about this?).

Was it weird that I was feeling more confident in a jacket that was my Dad's?, well kind of, but also not that weird, considering that it made me feel safe, (which probably is weird but I'm just stating facts).

Anyway I went to my class, and I sat in my usual corner seat, (as one does), and I really didn't think much of what I was wearing, (other than the fact that it was Dad's old jacket), but apparently it was class, (though it could've just been that it was a vintage item).

"Hey Bianca, I really like your jacket, where did you get it from?"
"Thank you, I don't know where it was got though as it was my Dad's in the 90's"

Yeah that kind of deflated the conversation afterwards as there wasn't much to talk about really, (unless there an exchange of jackets, but I wasn't going to part with this jacket, ok, fucking sue me Karen), so I just left it alone, as there's nothing else that I could've done here.

I was walking to the loos so that I could have some peace while eating my lunch, yes, it's probably as unhygienic as it sounds, but I was usually uninterrupted by people in there, apparently the universe was not on my side that day though, because of course it wasn't, as the girl from Valentines had to come in and see me.

"You're just the person I wanted to see-"
"What do you want now?"
"I wanted to apologise for the other day"
"Do you know why you're apologising to me?"
"Assuming that you're straight based on appearances"
"Do you know why that was wrong?"
"Is this an interrogation?"

Could I have given her the benefit of the doubt?, probably, but I didn't seek her out, she came to find me, I just wanted to check to see if it was for appearances or not, so sue me Karen.

"You came up to me, I don't want an apology based on your feelings, I just want a real apology here"
"What I did was wrong because I hurt your feelings-"
"No, absolutely not, I mean I was fucking angry at ya, but that's not why it's wrong, you negatively perpetuating stereotypes stops people believing people like me just because we don't fit into your stupid little box of what lesbians are, I'm tired of not being believed just because of people like you"
"What do you mean people like me?"
"I mean that you didn't listen when I said that I wasn't straight based on what I look like, and then when I told you that was ignorant, you turned it into me attacking your character and your feelings, Shit! I'm not your fucking morality check!, I'm trying to survive a world that's not made for me!"

So maybe I could've been slightly nicer, but honestly she wasn't getting it, and I'm not anyone's teacher or morality check, I'm fucking human and I was sick and tired of not being treated as such.

"I'm trying to apologise-"
"No!, absolutely not!, this whole fucking palava is not an apology!, it's just you trying to clear your conscience!, come back when you actually fucking mean it!"
"But I do-"
"Don't insult my intelligence!, you don't mean it!, I mean you still don't get why I'm even mad about it!"
"Because I hurt your feelings!"
"It's not about my fucking feelings!, it's about your preconceived ideas about my sexuality!, and then not listening to me when I said that I'm not straight!, now please leave me alone!, I'm just trying to eat my lunch in peace!, which is why I'm eating it in here!"
"Isn't that dis-"
"Which is why nobody eats in here, therefore I get left alone!"

They finally fucking leave me alone, I could've been a little bit less angry at them, but also they weren't listening to anything I said, what the fuck was I supposed to do with that?, treat them like they knew nothing, even though they have a brain and I don't believe in infantilising an almost adult here?.