THE RISK OF FALLING

CHAPTER 9

Warning: This story may contain grammatical errors and typos, so please bear with me, I'll be editing it if I'm finished with the whole story☺️

It's been a week; it's been a week since that embarrassing moment happened.

Days passed, I can't remember anything from the field demo. I was there but my brain is out of nowhere.

Alam ko na nagtataka din ang mga babaita kung bakit bigla akong naging tahimik at tulala but no one dared to ask me, they were just observing. Siguro ay hinahayaan na muna nila ako at nakikiramdam.

That day, all I can remember is that me being dumb in front of the soon to be owner of our school, the owners son damn! Dammit Caly akala ko matalino ka? Huhuhu

Napailing nalang ako habang pilit na winawaglit ang kahihiyan na namumutawi sa buong pagkatao ko.

Tuwing naiisip ko yon ay napapahilamos nalang talaga ako sa mukha at nagtatanong kung bakit ko ba ginawa yon, tinaray tarayan ko pa, kaloka!

I stared blankly at the ceiling of my room, hinahayaan ang isip kong maglakbay at mag-isip ng kung ano-ano.

Today is Saturday and it's raining cats and dogs outside, sobrang lakas ng ulan. Madilim pa naman sa labas pero di ako makatulog.

Lumingon ako sa side table ko at tinanaw ang oras, damn sobrang aga pa pala, it's 5:15 am and eto ako gising na gising ang diwa at di malaman kung ano ba talaga ang bumabagabag saakin.

The weather, it's cold, it's raining, and it's the perfect time to overthink. Kanina sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko. Mukhang magkakasakit pako, wala pa namang gamot dito.

Kung nandito si Mama aalagaan niya kaya ako? Si papa? Babantayan kaya nila ako hanggang makatulog ako?

I'm always longing for a mother and a fathers love, I guess, that will never gonna happen.

It will remain as a dream, very impossible dream. I smiled bitterly, still staring blankly in the ceiling, listening to the sound of the pouring rain.

"Calypso, anak maiintindihan mo rin ako balang araw ha? Babalikan kita anak pangako"

That promise, I've been holding onto that promise until now. Yup, I'm still making myself believe that they abandoned me just like that for my own sake, that my mom did it for my own good. I' m stupid for making myself believe to that lie until now.

I suddenly felt the warm liquid coming from my eyes, the tears made my sight blurry. A realization suddenly comes in and hit me hard as I smiled bitterly with how hard reality slaps me.

Kung talagang mahal ako ni Mama hindi niya ako basta basta iiwan, mag-isa. Kung talagang nag-aalala at may pakealam siya saakin then dapat kahit text man lang or kahit minsan ay makipagkita siya sa akin at kamustahin ako.

Argghh nakakaasar dahil parang mas lalo lang sumasakit ang ulo ko sa mga iniisip ko.

Tuloy tuloy parin sa pagpatak ang mga luha ko. To be honest I don't like crying, I don't want anyone see me crying, it makes me feel that I'm weak, I don't want them to think that I am weak as hell. But this time I let myself burst into tears and just let myself feel the pain that I've been holding back all this years. Just this one....

I can't understand myself either. I'm always saying that I had no hard feelings towards her and my dad for leaving me. At a very young age I trained myself to be independent because I had no one but myself.

I used to live here with my Aunt Mina, she replaced my mom, she takes care of me, sent to school, cook me food, helps me with my home works and she makes sure that no one will dare to put hands on me. Even mosquitoes can't bite me when she's around.