That Funny Feeling [MHA]

Control in my Hands [#013]

Kenzo doesn't pace in her room anymore, at least not all the time. Lately she had been just laying in her pillow fort, it made Kenzo feel a lot safer then she knew she was. Dr. Maroon didn't say anything about it, something Kenzo was grateful for even though she had never heard Dr. Maroon talk.

Kenzo had started going to the lightning room again, or at least Kenzo thinks she has, she didn't really know for sure. Sometimes she would wake up with new bandages around her wrists and a fresh headache, she doesn't even remember ever falling asleep either, after all Kenzo hardly ever slept anymore unless Dr. Maroon gave her one of those shots with the murky white liquid.

Soft blankets had become Kenzo's best friends.

Kenzo's skin had changed color, Kenzo knew she wouldn't have noticed if there weren't much else to notice. Originally Kenzos skin was a neutral pasty yellowish color, one of the few traits she had inherited from her father alongside her slanted eyes. Now her skin was more gray than pasty, the tips of her fingers turning a blackish blue color, her veins stood out much more, blue and green like faint lightning crawling up her arm from her wrist.

Kenzo couldn't help but wonder, picking at her nails as her cheek pressed up against Kenzo's unofficial favorite fluffy pillow. I wonder what my face looks like.

The ticking of an unknown object filled the room in its usual white noise. I haven't seen it in a long time.

One day, or maybe it was night? Instead of bringing her usual clipboard and med kit, Dr. Maroon had brought a large tablet. She walked to Kenzos fort, crouched down, looked Kenzo in the eye as she always had, and spoke to Kenzo for the very first time.

"Choose"

She put the tablet in Kenzo's bandaged hands and left. Just like that.

Kenzo didn't even register the sound of Dr. Maroon's high heels as she walked away, too busy looking at something so new and interesting.

On the tablet were pictures of strange objects, little descriptions telling what they did and how they worked. Despite teachers always telling Kenzo how smart she was and how good she was at reading, Kenzo found she couldn't read a thing. It seemed all so jumbled to Kenzo, she knew it was Japanese and yet she still found herself pressing the read out loud button.

What it described was a weapon, plain and simple. Many were swords and staffs, some were simply fighting styles that relied entirely on their hands. One even described how to use a taser. Kenzo didn't know what they wanted from her, to choose the most dangerous weapon?

It was strange and new, why would they care about her opinion? they had never cared before had they, not when they took her off the street, not when they bound her to a table. Not when they injected her with shot after shot. Kenzos hands shook and she would have cursed if she knew how to. Was it because of the pills or because she was angry? Kenzos cheeks hurt.

In the end kenzo almost didn't want to choose, she almost wanted to memorize it all, every weapon they described, maybe learn how to read again. What was stopping her though? They told her to choose so what if it took a few days for her to do so? If they wanted to revoke her choice they could simply come in and take the tablet from her.

Kenzo giggled and curled herself in the comfort of her pillow fort, she began to practice reading out loud alongside the machine.

---

Kenzo could feel the smog and smoke leak out of their body, she couldn't feel their fingers or their toes. The ringing of over 100 voices all talking at once swallowed their ears. Kenzo could smell smoke and ash, the smell of cooking meat made all of them hungry. Soot clung to their eyelashes, flashes of light and sound only ever reaching Kenzo every once in a while, not daring to fight the stronger willed ones for more than what they gave her, they deserved to have a body again, a proper one,  even if only for a while.

Kenzo let herself fade, numbness was common in a crowd, she could hear them arguing over what to do next, what to do with their freedom. They needed to blend in, why blend in when we're this powerful?, let's go far away and live in the forest, but I want to sleep in a bed again, I want to see my mom, I need to check on my siblings, I never want to see my family again after what they did, I wonder if that old lady still sleeps at the park, that ramen man was nice can we see him?

Kenzo felt Taro squeeze their hand, "what do you wanna do Kenzo?"

They quieted, murmurs of conversation sounded compared to the stadium of people talking before. Police sirens sounded in the distance, a burning red feather crunched at their feet, the crumbling and popping of an idea sounded all around them.

"Anywhere but here" Kenzo muttered, she felt like she should be surprised that she could speak, she did get shot in the jaw after all, but she wasn't. Despite all the differences they had they all agreed, letting the fastest of them take control.

Anywhere but here.