Chapter 21

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by britishaddict

by britishaddict

Little do you know
How I’m breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I’m still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I’m trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time

Underneath it all I’m held captive by the hole inside
I’ve been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind
I’m ready to forgive you but forgetting is a harder fight
Little do you know
I need a little more time

- Sierra and Alex, Little Do You Know

[Filler]

Third POV

That evening when Liz returned Nick was in a panic. He was tugging at the ends of his hair and struggling to catch his breath. He was somewhat cheating on Liz and Matthew. Loving them both was oh so wrong. He gave Liz all his affection at the moment. She was his world. Matthew was his heaven though.

Even when Liz was kissing him he felt gross. He felt gross touching her and saying sweet things to her. For the next few days he couldn't look at her. He never called Matthew back.

When Liz was being sweet before bed, attempting foreplay Nick lost it. He pushed himself up, hopping out of bed and leaning against the wall. "Nick?" Liz questioned. He seemed out of breath and terrified. "I can't do it anymore. Im freaking out from anxiety and I'm not in a position where I can handle relationships!" He shouted. Liz ran a hand through her hair, "why are you saying this? Did I do something wrong?"

"No you didn't do anything. I don't know. I'm just feeling weird lately. I can't handle it. York, and Matthew, and school, I'm not ready for this." Liz's eyes went wide with shock.

"What's making you do this?" She screamed in response.

"I'm just scared, I'm not okay. I'm sorry." Nick rubbed at his eyes, already missing her warm embrace. "So we're done?"

"I g-guess." He pouted, wishing her or Matthew would agree to a three way relationship. It sounded wrong, but he was so infaturated with both of them. He knew it was wrong. Even if he's gay he's still some-what religious, no he doesn't go to church, but he believes in a heaven and a greater power. No way would he ever be forgiven for dating two people.

Being nice enough to let him stay the night, Liz let Nick sleep on the couch. He texted Matthew, trying to tell him what happened.

"Call me." Matthew replied to every text the younger boy would send. Eventually he gave in and called the YouTuber.

"What's wrong?" Matthew asked right away, sensing from Nick's texts that something happened. "I broke up with her."

"R-really?! God, Nick. I knew you would do the right thing. Do you want me to pick you up-"

"I can't date you either. I'm breaking up with both of you." Nick was shaking, scared to death of ruining his life. Matthew laughed, "babe, I'll be there in ten minutes. Hold on."

"I'm not kidding, Matthew." Nick wiped under his eyes, tears were falling slowly from his eyes. At that moment he wanted to curl up in Matthew's arm and cry, but he didn't deserve that. He reminded himself of that. "We are over. I'm never dating again."

"Wh-what?" Matthew felt stabbed, defeated. He ruined everything with Nick by being stupid. He swore to himself to never hurt Nick again, even if he was hurting and it made him feel better. "I promise, I won't hurt you if that's what it is. I had some issues. If you come back to me I'll treat you like a princess." He promised. Nick shook his head, more tears falling faster down his face.

The older boy was feeling vulnerable, "fine, I guess no one can love me. Connor's cheating on me, you're dumping me before we could even start dating, what next? Huh? Maybe I'll take some kinda drugs. Would that help? If I got high? Maybe I'll walk in front of a car or something!"

"No! What are you saying!?" Nick felt his heart rate increase tenfold. Matthew feigned shock, "I'm just unlovable. I made a mistake! Why can't you forgive me!?"

"Babe, I have forgiven you. I can't relationship right now. Just give me time."

"You had time! You had over a year! You could have chosen me! I fought so hard to keep you!"

Nick choked back a sob. Matthew's line went dead.

1. Liz Or Matthew?

2. Will you read Defying Plastic or To Be Fabulush?

3. Are the questions cool?

4. Did I update too much today?

5. Favorite YouTuber?

6. Lyric/song suggestions for next chapter?

A/N I added some personal stuff into this, so I appreciate all the reads and hearing your guys opinions on stuff. Lush you.